𝐊𝐢𝐝𝐧𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐁𝐲 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐟𝐢𝐚

12

A hand threaded through my hair, lips tracing my cheek as an apology greeted my ear. The familiar voice and the familiar warmth made my nerves relax as I snuggled into him.

His arms wrapped tightly around my waist, the soft material of his shirt rubbed against my nose as he sighed while burying his head into the crook of my neck.

"Have you eaten?"

I shook my head in response, ready to doze back into Lala land but he kept me awake with slow and soft administrations of affection from him. When his lips connected with my neck, I jolted out of sleep and right into a panic attack.

Severus pulled back with clear worry in his eyes as I became a sobbing mess. Curling up into a corner of the room, I ducked my head and hiccuped as the tears rained down my face.

He tried to step forward, towards me but when he realized that it sent me into a frenzy, he stopped and cussed under his breath.

"Adira, Love, let me help you."

I shook my head without meeting his eyes through my half lidded and puffy ones.

"You can't."

He looked surprised for a moment before releasing a sigh. I watched as he lowered himself onto the floor and sat cross legged on the rug. His back pressed against the bed as his eyes watched me. Waiting for me to will him closer.

I simply rolled into myself even more and continued to cry. Feeling what had happened all over again as if I was reliving it. The worst part was that I watched it over and over again and each time, my brain conjured up what could've happened had Edward not walked in.

It sent chills through my body and made me cry even harder, when I realized that without Severus around I was in so much danger. I was utterly weak and defenseless and the only reason his men had not tried to take advantage of me was because they were his men.

But even after realizing all of that, I could only replay the whole ordeal inside my mind and internally scream as I watched myself struggle. I felt his hand that pinned me down, his other hand that had started to wander and his lips that had touched my skin.

I felt utterly disturbed each time and it helped brew the feelings of helplessness and vulnerability even more. I needed Severus with me but I was ashamed of telling him what happened. I feared that if he knew that another man had touched me, he wouldn't like me anymore.

They were my own fears and doubts that tried to push me away from him. They stomped down on my reasoning and logic and tried to block out anyone who tried to help. Even the man who had been trying to bring food, left it outside and came to check on me often. That was the only time I even let out a sound which wasn't a sob or a wail.

I had taken a shower yesterday, but Instead of standing I tried to scrub my body raw of any traces that man could've left. Trying desperately to erase his touch and his voice from my head but when all of that failed. I sat under the shower, for hours, my head lowered to the ground as I breathed numbly.

Feeling absolutely done with everything. The smallest of actions made breathing a hard task. Every time the doorknob would jiggle while I was awake. I would start hyperventilating, imagining him returning to finish what he had started.

I didn't want to be alone, no matter how far I locked myself away and for how long I did, I didn't want to be left alone. It was so much scarier alone, so much worse than before. My senses were heightened when I was alone especially in the dark.

I peeked through my arms and found Severus still seated on the ground, his eyes locked with mine and he smiled. The small act encouraged me, and I hiccuped before unwinding from myself and slowly crawling over to him.