Meet Me In The Woods

Todd

Todd was drifting, drifting, drifting, in murky water - black, murky water. When had he last seen the sun? He couldn't remember. Slowly but surely, he was rising through the dim, muddy depths, gaining awareness of his surroundings. 

Oh. He wasn't drifting. 

Todd was lying on an uncomfortable, lumpy bed and he was aching all over. There was a dull pain in his limbs and a sharper one in his lungs and throat, making them feel raw and bloody the way scraped knees stung. Despite every one of his senses screaming at him not to, Todd tried to pry open his eyes. It was so bright - why was everything so bright? It made his head swim even more. He let out a soft groan, his hands flying to his head to quell the approaching headache. Someone grabbed them, though, pulling them away. The light hurt his eyes, but the hands holding his felt nice, so he let them. 

"Whoa there, Toddy. Take it slow." The voice was familiar, soothing. 

"N-Neil?" 

"Yeah, it's me." 

Todd couldn't focus. Everything was swirling around him, even the bed was swaying underneath him - 

"Hurts", he mumbled, trying to grasp Neil's hands, but he couldn't move. 

"I know, buddy. It's all right. Don't move." 

"What- what happened?"

Neil was silent for a moment. "Don't worry about that right now. There's still time later."

Fragments of memories came back to Todd. 

"There... there was... snow? There was a lot of snow, and I was... I was running... Why was I running?" 

Todd grew anxiouos - there was something bad there, and he needed to see Neil, really see him, not just some meandering brown blob. Besides, the room wasn't spinning quite as much anymore - 

Todd tried to sit up, but then the bed lurched and his elbows buckled. He almost crashed back down, but an arm materialised at his back and held him upright. Where was up? Where was down? He was so dizzy. 

A warm hand at his cheek, pulling his head back up. 

"Careful, Toddy." 

A picture emerged from the depths of his swirling mind. 

"Neil, why was I running?" 

"It's not important." 

Ah, so it was very important. 

Why had he been running? 

Todd focused on the concerned brown eyes right in front of him, the only part of the room that wasn't blurry. Slowly, the events came back to him. 

The floor disappearing beneath his feet - running across the frozen lake - snow, so much snow. 'It's so beautiful.' 

Charlie at his bedside, waking him up. 

Oh God. Oh no. Nonononono - 

Neil. 

But Neil was right there, holding him upright because - because Todd almost died - Neil was there, Neil was right there, but Charlie had said - Todd had thought - 

 He grabbed onto Neil's arm, the one holding him upright, as his surroundings blurred once more. 

"Neil - oh my God, Neil, you -"

Todd found himself crushed into Neil's shoulder, and before his brain even caught up with the situation, he was hugging Neil back, grasping desperately at him. Was he really there? Was he truly real? Todd couldn't help but doubt it, and with a great ugly sob, the dam broke and he cried into Neil's shoulder, but Neil didn't vanish. He stayed there and he was whispering in Todd's ear - 

"Shh, it's all right, Todd, it's all right - I'm right here - It's gonna be all right -" 

"They said - they said - Charlie - he said - Neil, they said - you'd -" 

He balled his fists into Neil's sweater, cursing his fingers and arms for being so weak still. 

"It's okay, Todd, it's okay, I'm okay, you're okay, Toddy, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. We're going to be okay, Toddy, it's fine - you gotta breathe, buddy -" 

Neil kept talking to him, being there, he didn't vanish, not even a little bit, and slowly, Todd felt as if he could breathe again. 

Neil was alive. He wasn't going to leave. Everything was going to be okay. 

Todd stayed where he was, though, even when his breath evened out and his tears dried. 

"They said you killed yourself", he whispered into Neil's now very wet sweater. 

"I ran away. But - Todd - you really almost did die. Never ever do that again, okay?"

"Okay", Todd whispered.

"Promise me."

"I promise. If you promise, too."

"I promise." Of course, Todd had already known that, but still, a wave of relief washed over him. He laughed and pulled away, wanting to look at Neil. He scanned Neil's face, drinking in every detail of his dearest friend who he'd thought he had lost forever. 

"You're okay."

"I'm okay." 

Neil laughed and Todd laughed with him, pulling Neil closer again. Before he was fully aware of what he was doing, he was burying his face in the crook of Neil's neck, something he'd never dared to do before because he'd never seen Neil hug anyone and didn't want to upset him. But Neil let him, hugged him back, even, and slowly, Todd could feel the drowsiness creep up on him. He tried to keep it at bay, but eventually, exhaustion pulled him under and he sunk against the warm mass in front of him. 

If you want to know why Todd reacted so strongly, he's very dependant on Neil, both because he's in love with him (even though he might not have figured that out just yet) and because Neil is his support person, his constant and except from Jeff, Mr Keating and the other poets the only person who's ever truly cared about him and been there for him. Out of all of these, Neil had the biggest impact on his life with the exception of Jeff, maybe. Also, he almost drowned so he's Not Okay and emotional because he can't really process anything very well right now. Lastly, because of the factors mentioned above, he started hyperventilating, which further escalated the situation. 

Moony <3