Wednesday Season Two: Better The Devil You Woe (A Wednesday Fanfiction)

Episode Six: Woe-lf In Sheep's Clothing

The concept of surprises can be a very polarizing one amongst people in this world. Some individuals enjoy surprises, such as encountering a group of disheartened coworkers leaping out from a poorly-kept break room and shouting 'surprise' on the date of one's birth. Others vehemently dislike the whole concept, and would rather those same revelers be subject to a surprise guillotining in retaliation. But it's not just the concept of surprise that has a polarizing effect on people, but the actual content of said surprise in the first place. For some people a jack-in-the-box leaping out at them from a toy store shelf constitutes a surprise, while for others it is merely a minor annoyance. Being released from police questioning at a Guatemalan prison after successfully committing large-scale corporate fraud might be considered a surprise by some, and merely the result of clever planning for another.

But regardless of one's feelings around surprises or the act governing its definition, several acts of surprise were about to occur simultaneously in the darkened halls of Nevermore Academy as Wednesday and Headmistress Sira turned the corner to reach Wednesday's dorm room before coming face to face with an unexpected, five-fingered acquaintance.

Sira was surprised to see a sentient dismembered hand running towards them from the other end of the hall. Wednesday was surprised to see Thing approaching without either Enid or Simon in tow. Thing was surprised to see Sira alongside Wednesday in a seemingly symbiotic relationship despite the conclusions they had previously drawn about the headmistress. And you are likely surprised to still be reading this paragraph, painfully drawing out the opening scene of this next chapter of misery and woe to envelop Nevermore Academy and its attendees.

Thing came to a screeching halt in the hallway as Sira jumped back in surprise, pointing frantically at him.

"What is that thing!?" Sira shrieked in horror.

"Thing." Wednesday calmly replied.

"Yes!" Sira cried. "The hand!"

"Thing." Wednesday repeated yet again.

"Fine, the hand thing. Whatever you want to call it." Sira exclaimed exasperatedly. "Do you two know each other?"

"Yes."

"Well what is it, then?"

"It's Thing."

"It's thing?" Sira cried incredulously. "What thing? I don't see a collar with a name tag on it."

"No... It's just Thing." Wednesday replied irritably through gritted teeth.

"So the thing doesn't have a name?"

"No."

"It does have a name?"

"Yes."

"So what's the thing's name?"

"It's Thing."

"What thing?"

"Just Thing!" Wednesday snapped, raising her voice. "The hand is named Thing."

A brief silence fell over the two as Sira stared at Wednesday indignantly before throwing her hands up in the air in frustration.

"You could have started with that." Sira barked.

"I did!" Wednesday hissed.

Frantic signing from the ground caught Wednesday's attention as she broke her glare with Sira, slowly turning towards Thing who was attempting to interject amidst the two's bickering.

"Well, that's not the only misunderstanding that's occurred lately." Wednesday declared to Thing with an exasperated sigh. "Because as much as it pains me to admit defeat, we were wrong about Sira all along."