Lost In Lucidity

Choked Wretches

I climb out the window and onto the roof with three cans of soda tucked under my arm. One by one, I pass them to Val and Leigh, then crack mine open as I sit beside them. "Alright, guys. Enjoy. These might be the last Mnt. Dews that we ever have." I warn as we all tap our cans together. Solemnly, we each take a long sip, savoring the overly sweet, syrupy pop.

"It's probably for the best," Leigh laughs. "This stuff is awful for you."

It's an accurate memory tonight. Not entirely uncommon, but still rarer than the average mismatched collages I usually dream of. We all would sit on the roof at the beginning like we often did before the Vanishing. We'd stare at the bright lights of the Portland metro and just talk, admiring the sparkling flecks on the horizon as if it were a night sky. Now there was nothing but a sea of black with a single island of light amidst the darkness. The city. In a way, it was almost more beautiful. This beacon that was once only a twenty-minute drive away seemed so far out of reach, yet always visible beyond the miles of unknown beasts. Our compound was simply one of the few sparks produced from that flame on the horizon.

"What do you think it's like over there?" Val asks.

"A lot bigger...." Leigh says wistfully. She had always loved the big city.

"I wonder how normal life is for them now. How much has changed? They're probably less lonely...."

"Is... it lonely here?" I ask her.

"Well, no, of course not." Val quickly corrects. "I've got you guys. But just... we're kinda stuck out here, you know? I miss the atmosphere of having crowds of people around and being able to go out and do something other than just be trapped in houses all day."

"I'm not sure it's as glamourous there as you're imagining, Val," I say with an amused smile.

She sighs, "Maybe not. But there has to be so much more...."

"I wonder how hard it would be to get there." Leigh jumps in. Val and I both look at her. "It wasn't too far of a drive before things fell apart. Walking would only be a few hours at most. Maybe a full day?"

"Leigh, what are you talking about?" I ask her.

"I don't know. Maybe we could go someday, I guess. Just sneak out and head over there. Say that we're survivors needing refuge."

"That would be so dangerous. Plus, they'd already know who we are. The guards made records of us when they came, remember?"

"Then we make fake identities," Leigh smirks deviously.

Val giggles, "Yeah, we can cut our hair, and you can grow a beard and a mustache."

"Don't encourage her, Val."

"What! It might work! Not the beard and hair thing; I was kidding about that. But just going over there and trying to get in."

"Are you two actually considering this?" I say, my amusement slowly turning to concern.

Val chuckles into a sigh, "Nah, not really. We've got family and friends here that need us. But it's nice to daydream about things. Seems that's all we really can do anymore."

Leigh smiles but never answers my question. I turn my head back out toward the horizon.

If I had known then what would happen in the future, with Val leaving... with Leigh... Maybe I would have been less hesitant to shoot them down. Maybe I even would've encouraged the idea. Planned it out over time and slowly convinced them we actually could make it. Got us all out of there and into the city. I suppose it was too late now. It was like Val said, though, sometimes it's nice to daydream.