never too late /style💙💚

chapter 3: hallucinations

[later, when they arrived at the tegridy farm]

sharon: "come on, sweetheart. we arrived at home. you have to get out of the car"
stan: ...

sharon tried to take him in her arms, but she wasn't strong enough, so she went to ask randy to do it

sharon: "randy.. would you.. would you take stan in your arms to his room? he's like paralysed, this might be the worst day of his lif-"
randy: "oh my god, what the fuck happened??"
sharon: *taking a breath* "kyle.. was.. kyle was ran over.. he's dead.."

randy stared at her speechless, and went to the car to take stan out of it.
stan passed the entire day sitting in a corner of his room, holding his knees, still trying to get used to the idea kyle wasn't there anymore.

[two days later]

it's the 26th of october, it has been 2 days since kyle passed away. stan had being sitting down in the corner the whole time. he hadn't slept at all, he barely ate: his parents had to bring him food cause he trembled so much he couldn't even get up without falling down.
his face was streaked and his eyes were dead.
it seemed like he stopped living since he had to live by himself.
he couldn't move, he couldn't go to school, he couldn't meet his friends in the afternoon, he couldn't study, he couldn't get up; he could just look to a certain point of his room without stopping thinking for a second.

stan: *thinking* "it is all my fault.."

a single tear started falling from his face

stan: *thinking* "it is all my fault. kyle, my bestfriend, my right arm, my hope, my «at least i have him», my every happiest dream, my reason to keep going, my last «things can always change in better», my partner in soul, my mind-sharer, my adventure friend, my... my.."

he started crying so much that he couldn't even breathe for a second

stan: *thinking* "did i..? did i even think about what he said? i wasn't expecting that, but in the moment he told me, why did i take so long to think about it? why didn't i say anything? why didn't i just say: «you're a great person for sure, can i just have some time to think about it? cause i know you're either great as a bestfriend and a boyfriend»? but i didn't say anything, and now he's dead. i just.. i just wish i had more time to think about it, but time is never enough. and i learnt it in the saddest way of all.."

*knock knock*

sharon: "stanley, dear? i brought you dinner. can i come in?"
stan: "hmhm"

sharon opened the door and gave stan his meal. then she put a hand on his shoulder and slowly hugged him. he didn't move at all, but he started crying again

stan: "i'm- i'm sorry, mom"

he said while he tried to shade his tears

sharon: "you did nothing at all, sweetheart. i know this is being the hardest time of your life."
stan: "..."
sharon: "i recognise that look. i know how it feels. my mother died when i was twenty, so now i'm trying to always be here for you and shelley, my children. she was ran over too, and, as i can read on your face, when kyle died, a part of you died too. you're also blaming yourself, aren't you? i know that feeling. but i can assure you, stanley, there was nothing you could do to make things go differently.."

stan didn't say anything, but those words arrived to his heart, and sharon knew it.

sharon: "now, just try to eat something, okay?
i'll come later to wish you good night"

she left the meal in stan's hands and she slowly closed the door, looking at him with an understanding and compassionate look

[two days later, the 28th of october]

as you all know, halloween was gonna be in a few days.
but, as you've might understood, stan wasn't going to do anything special this year. he had to, actually. he had to have matching costumes with kyle. he had to be stuart and kyle had to be kevin, from «minions».
everything was already prepared, their costumes looked wonderful and they even already got yellow foundation.
they would have participated to the great annual halloween festival in town, which usually rated the best costumes of the year. they would have won for sure.
but now, halloween was ruined for stan.

*knock knock*

randy: "stan, your friends came to see you! can i open the door?"
stan: "hmhm"

randy opened the door, letting kenny, cartman and butters enter his room.

butters: "i know things have been really hard lately. i'd never expect this to happen and i'm really sorry for everything you're going through. so we decided to make a little surprise for you.. i hope you'll like it!"

they started to open a big bag they kept behind themselves, and there were lots of different halloween costumes.

kenny: "i know this might not work, but we had to try. we brought you new different costumes for this halloween. you can choose whichever to wear, there is a lot"
cartman: "kenny even contributed with one dollar, and you know how much it means for him"
butters: "you know, stan. kyle would not have wanted you to stop spending time having fun."
cartman: "and now you have a lot of choices! damn i would really like to simulate kenny's death to be treated like yo-"
kenny and butters: "CARTMAN!!"
cartman: "what? i'm just saying."
kenny: "well, don't say"
butters: "yes, it's really not the best time for one of your jokes"
cartman: "who's joking? i was not."

*moment of silent*

stan: "..."
stan: "could you guys just.. just go away? i'm not going to do anything special this halloween, i don't even know if i'll be able to do something the next year.."
kenny: "that's understandable, stan. we just wanted to try and not just leave you alone."
stan: "yeah, yeah. whatever. i'll think about it"

in another situation, stan would have thanked them, especially kenny. he wouldn't have thought about it at all, though. he just wanted his friends to go away.
he wanted to be left alone...

stan: *thinking, now alone in his room* "w-what's happening to me? i used to hate all this stuff. i used to hate this place. i used to hate weed. i used to hate when my dad is high.. i used to hate everything about it.."

stan, while trembling, took a jar of his dad's weed which was on his desk and rolled it in a flue.
not even alcohol was strong enough to stop all this pain. and not even cigarettes. he needed something stronger than those things. he needed something that could fill the void death leaves in your stomach after one of your dearest people passed away.
it was the fourth flue of the day, but nobody noticed it since he barely talked and his eyes were already red from crying.

stan: *thinking* "ahhh, here we are, now marijuana is going up to my brain and i can have hallucinations again. now i hope i'll see kyle in my visions, this weed is strong, strong enough to.
i just want to hear from him that he's alright and everything's fine.. but he might be a little mad at me because of what happened. that's fine, though. as long as i can see him, everything is fine with me."
stan's hallucination of kyle: "stan? are you high again?"
stan: "you know, i might be a little woop!"

stan spent the rest of the night talking with "kyle", but the day after he couldn't remember anything about what had happened.
he woke up in the same corner, sweating and tasting vomit and weed in his mouth. the only weird thing in that situation was his window: it was now barred with a net. it was strange, but that difference didn't really bother him

[meanwhile, in the marsh's living room]

*knock knock*

sharon: "who is it??"
kenny: "it's us, kenny, eric and butters. we wanted to see how stan's doing"
sharon: *sighing* "you can enter, kids. but be careful with him, last night has been.. tough"

kenny and the others walked up the stairs, and then knocked on stan's door.

cartman: "hey stan, it's us!! open the door!"
stan: "it's not locked. you can open it too"
cartman: "oh.."
kenny: "how has the night been, stan? have you slept?"
stan: "i-i don't really remember much about it.. all i can remember is- is kyle.. i saw kyle"
butters: "was that a nice dream, stan??"
kenny: "i don't think he was dreaming.. he smells like weed. it was probably a hallucination"
stan: "a- a beautiful one.."