CLANDESTINE : Spencer Reid

10

Agent Hotchner pulls me aside five minutes before we are supposed to be able to leave. I step into his office, peering around. This is the first time I've been allowed inside. His space is minimally decorated. A window will closed blinds, a bookshelf with a few books I recognize, and the standard leather chairs of the Bureau make up the room. On his desk sits a picture of him, a woman, and a baby in his arms. I imagine they must be his family. Overall, his office is pristine.

"They're adorable," I say, pointing to it.

It's true. They are quite sweet-looking. I'm surprised it looks to be candid, taken by a friend or some other family member. I hadn't thought Agent Hotchner was able to do things without being perfectly posed. He's smiling in the photo. I don't remember the last time that I saw him smile.

"Yes," his voice is dry. "We haven't managed to find a babysitter this year, so my wife and I will be celebrating New Year's Eve from home. Are you going to be with the team?"

I look at him, shrugging, "I haven't made any of my plans solid yet."

"Your free time is your own, but I recommend that you attend," Agent Hotchner runs a hand on the smooth surface of the desk. "Reid hasn't managed to convince you?"

I swallow the ball of fire forming in my mouth, "you asked him to try?"

"Those weren't my words," Agent Hotchner says. He stands up from his desk. "I've noticed that you feel isolated. We all need to trust each other very deeply on this team if we are going to be working well together. It's clear that there is a rift between you and Reid in particular, although I can tell that you don't particularly like any of the men in the office."

All I can do is nod. He is my direct supervisor, although I do also report to his supervisor in a slightly less direct capacity. I would ask him not to profile me, but I don't feel that I am in the position to ask much of him, if anything at all. After all, I'm in the bullpen. He gets an office, as sparse and cold as it is.

"I've asked Erin Strauss if I could bring you along for a case in the new year to help you integrate and she gave me permission," Agent Hotchner continues. "We will wait for a case where I feel that your skillset will be a valuable contribution. In the meantime, I ask that you at least make an effort to build rapport with Reid and Morgan. Doing that will improve your relationship with Gideon as well, since he dislikes what he considers to be petty drama."

"Are you telling me to go to the party?" I ask.

He shakes his head, "I can't tell you what to do on your own time. I can recommend you make an effort to integrate."

For a second, I stare at him, until the words find their way from my head into my mouth, "yes, sir."

Then, I am dismissed. Everyone else is packing up. I let JJ know that I plan on stopping by at least for a bit. She seems to smile. Then, she asks for my number. I realize that none of them have a way to get a hold of me, so I give it to her. She texts me the address.

Back in my apartment, there is no Estelle to greet me. No music plays on the radio, no smell of garlic or salt in the air. A sticky note on the fridge lets me know that there is an event run by the international student association this evening off-campus. It's a catch-all holiday celebration since most of them cannot afford to go home. If I worked better without her, I could get ahead on research for Georgetown coming up in the new year. I'm still putting in the ten hours a week that I'm contracted to work, but it doesn't feel like enough.

Saturday morning, before she is awake, I leave her a note letting her that I am going to be out and about today and that I doubt I will be home before dinner. The rest of the day is spent running errands. I buy a few new pieces of clothing, some ink for my calligraphy pens since I'm determined to pretend I have a hobby even if I don't exercise it. Estelle texts me her grocery list. I make it home just in time for dinner.