Arnkatla's Semi Heroic Quest(s)

Bloody Devil!

I probably won't make any journal entries when I'm in the Hard Ass Gauntlet so I'm just gonna catalogue my thoughts before we head in...let's see, where do I begin.

Well for starters I'm scared out of my bloody mind, I've never been more scared even when we fought Hallbera! Christ sakes, I feel like I'm gonna puke my brains out but no one else seems to be bothered...apart from Neb who's quaking in his boots beside me. The food Dragon brought was mostly fish but I saw some bread rolls peeking out of the top so that's promising, at least I now have something else to look forward to. I was the first to enter the tower which was a shock since I seemed to be the most scared of all but anyways, the entry doors opened upwards like a cellar and the inside was pitch black just like the one back in Iceland. A naked elf appeared out of nowhere and asked if I was ready to enter the gauntlet. I don't know how he knew that's where I was going but it didn't bother me much, the others stood behind me.

"We're ready," Dragon said, suddenly, the elf vanished and the quartet had plummeted through a roaring iridescent purple vortex of sparks, landing on a coarse, lumpy floor of similar colouration. The skies around them were bright pink and completely clear of clouds, sparing a few bulges. The terrain was mostly flat giving them a clear view of the horizon upon which appeared to be stalk-like growths protruding from the ground which stood nearly 20 metres tall. Each stalk had a small blue bulb at its peak which looked to be made of sap, the stalks leaned slightly from their weight. "Come out, Radioactive Mind" Dragon commanded, as instructed, Radioactive Mind emerged from the paragon of magic and began to accustom himself to the new environment. "Be ready, the monsters will emerge within seven seconds" he pointed out.

"Where?" Neb asked.

"Everywhere" Radioactive Mind replied, taking a step away from the group and facing away from Neb. Abruptly, an array of unwieldy beasts arose from the ground, about half of them took on the form of upside down question marks dual wielding a pair of titanium hatchets. Another type was a gargantuan bipedal semicolon, roughly 8 feet tall, wielding a cast iron machete in its right hand. "Bloody devil!" Neb called out, casting a fireball onto one of the smaller monsters only for Radioactive Mind to splurge a clot of acid onto the monster, melting it before the projectile met its target. "Why?" Neb asked to which Radioactive Mind answered: "I have to be the one to kill, otherwise, it won't count".

"Is that another rule?" Arnkatla said inquisitively with air quotes.

"No, it's how you win the gauntlet. After I accumulate 100 kills, Elec-Trick or Screwface will take my place until we accumulate 300 kills shared" Radioactive Mind divulged. Arnkatla wondered why he hadn't told her of this when she asked earlier but dared not to ask, she could already perceive the answer. Radioactive Mind then proceeded to engage the remainder of the monsters assisted by Dragon and Fizzle, Neb was slowly descending into what looked to be a pit of violet slime and Arnkatla kept her distance. "Shit!" Dragon exclaimed as his left wing was severed by the hatchet of a sentient punctuation mark, Arnkatla rushed to his aid, using her alchemist's knife to mend the wound. "Thanks" he said before enshrouding a malicious exclamation point in a blazing inferno but not before the dastardly punctuation mark threw its hammer at Arnkatla's chest, sending her falling into the goo with Neb. "I'll hold 'em back!" Fizzle said, referring to the onslaught of sentient punctuation, Dragon lept in the direction of the slime, yanking Neb's nearly submerged arm in an attempt to free him from the thick goop. Arnkatla used her alchemist's knife to manifest a steel chain and hook onto the ground a few metres in front of herself and began to pull with all her might to no avail, the slime was far too dense. "I've got ya" Dragon said reassuringly as he mustered his strength to free Arnkatla from the ever consuming slimy substance, she gasped and coughed as she returned to solid ground once again. All the punctuation marks had been vanquished "what now?" Arnkatla wheezed, the earlier attack had caused her lung to be punctured by one of her ribs. "More will spawn, they'll be dispersed farther from each other from this point forward" Radioactive Mind explained.

Good lord, not even one hour into this mess and I've already been stabbed in the lung by one of my own ribs, whoever designed this thing has serious issues that need to be worked out professionally. I'm glad that the worst of it is over already, Radioactive Mind said so and I don't doubt him...that might be wishful thinking but I honestly don't care. I thought I wouldn't write in this journal for at least another day but I guess I was wrong since it hasn't even been half of one, Dragon told me to stay close to him but that's exactly what got me hurt. Still I feel like I'm safer around him since he's soooo hard to kill, also, I'm able to heal him as much as I want since the paragon is with me at all times.

Hold on one second, I just tried to refill my knife with the paragon but it didn't do anything which really bothered me so I asked Radioactive Mind what the hell was happening and he told me that it's "against the rules" to use the paragon. What a bunch of bullshit, why couldn't he have told me that BEFORE I wasted a fuckton of juice on the chain and Dragon's wing?

Arnkatla stuck close to Dragon, sheltered by his wing as they headed in the direction of the nearest purple stalk to further investigate it while they awaited the arrival of additional monsters. "Is it safe to fly?" Dragon asked Radioactive Mind who replied with; "no, asterisks wield crossbows, quotation marks wield javelyns and parenthesis shoot lasers".

Dragon sighed, he knew this wouldn't be easy for Arnkatla given her ever worsening condition, Arnkatla was well aware of this herself hence her highly defensive, closed off posture. "There!" Fizzle hollered, pointing to an exclamation point and two apostrophes on the horizon, one of the apostrophes charged forwards while rhythmically twirling its bladed arms. Acting quickly, Fizzle outstretched her wings and took flight towards their attacker with her taloned feet fully extended akin to an eagle. She grabbed hold of the dastardly apostrophe and tossed it into the air causing it to fall to a clumsy death but not before it slashed her ankles, drawing blood. Upon converging with the group, Arnkatla drew her knife "don't waste your magic, I'll be fine" Fizzle said reassuringly, Arnkatla hesitantly slid her knife back into its respective holster. "I'll be more...conservative with the juice from now on" Arnkatla said before erupting into a coughing fit, sputtering blood onto the collar of her shirt and the ground beneath herself. They had nearly reached the stalk by the time the remaining apostrophe and exclamation point had engaged them in combat but not before the ground beneath them began to ripple and crumble until it took the form of a steep valley. The walls were lined with the same goopy substance that had previously entrapped Arnkatla and Neb. The floor remained the same but before they could think to take flight, a mass of thin crimson tentacles arose from the ground, entangling the unsuspecting lizards along with Neb, Arnkatla and Radioactive Mind. Arnkatla had used her knife to sever a tentacle only for another to rapidly grow in its place, undermining the attack altogether. "Come one..." Fizzle grunted, trying to face away from the others in order to unleash a flurry of red hot flames to no avail, Dragon tried the same but the tentacle's grip was far too tight. "Relax" Radioactive Mind said as he splurged a jet of acid from his bellybutton, disintegrating the tentacles faster than they could regrow and freeing himself therein. "Now, lift your feet" Radioactive Mind said, pointing to Arnkatla who had begun to wiggle and squirm in an attempt to follow Radioactive Mind's instruction to no success. "I can't!" Arnkatla exclaimed after about another 10 seconds of struggling.

"Give me the knife" Radioactive Mind said, Arnkatla complied so Radioactive Mind rushed to the aid of Neb who had been nearly completely encased by the tentacles and rapidly cut him free of his binds all while dispersing acid. Once freed, Neb conjured all the wizardly energy he could muster and set fire to the remainder of the constricting tentacles, thereby freeing his friends. "Nice work kid, hop on" Fizzle said, gesturing for Neb to mount her, he complied and Arnkatla followed by example, mounting Dragon and taking to the air. They reached the surface to find themselves afront the stalk they had sought after, its sap looked ready to fall.