Shadow kissed

Chapter 8

After dinner that night I noticed that Charles was very beside himself. He would smile and everything seemed like it was going good but then his smile would turn into a frown. He would turn away and try to occupy himself with something else. I noticed that he did this practically the entire weekend. A few thoughts ran through my mind on whether or not I should try and ask him if he was okay. Maybe ask him if he's overthinking everything? 

I thought maybe I should give him some time to think about it. Or of whatever was running through his mind. After Saturday I thought that maybe he'd finally open up and say something, but no. Still the same smile then fade. So I thought maybe I should give him till Sunday night to say anything. 

Later Sunday comes around. That night I finally asked him what was wrong. I mean, we had a great weekend. What could I have done to ruin it? 

" Charles ? " I asked " Was there something that I did wrong? Have I upset you?"

Charles let out a big sigh, " We've got to talk Jane-anne. " 

When those words came out of his mouth somehow I already knew what he wanted to talk to me about... I felt it in my gut, like a lump lodged at the back of my throat withholding all of the space in there. Not even allowing a bit of oxygen to slip through the crevices. So I sat down and I looked at him straight face to face. Charles then tried to say something. I could see that it was eating him up inside.

"Charles, whatever it is you can tell me. I mean we're going to be husband and wife." I smiled as I said that, but then he looked at me with worry in his face. 

" look Jane-anne I've been thinking and I think it's better if we just stay friends for the next three months till I have to leave. " 

At that moment... The second those words left his mouth, my heart dropped down to my stomach ...

Friends? FRIENDS?! Charles really said friends! Not even 72 hours after he asked me to marry him?! How could he do this to me? Why! I - I had given him everything! I did give him everything ! My innocence! My virtue! I wanted to hit him! I wanted to scream at him! So I did. 

" FRIENDS? Charles friends really ?" He looked at me with a kind of fear. 

" FrIeNdS?! Are you fucking kidding me! Charles, are you really saying after the weekend we just had? you want to be friends!?" 

I yelled and he for sure had fear in his eyes, he looked as if he was ready to leap up and run away. 

" How could you do this to me?" tears started rolling down my eyes. I was furious, I was seething in anger. I was hurt, my heart wept at that moment and I felt as if he had jabbed a knife through my chest cavity, into my heart.

" How could you do this to me charles? I-.. I've given you everything! M- my virtue! My innocence! I-.. I.. I'm ruined!" 

It was like a pipe burst and so many tears came down that in that moment that I couldn't even make out his face anymore. Charles got up and said, 

" I know Jane-anne I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen." 

What the hell was that supposed to mean? Didn't mean for this to happen! What he didn't mean to have sex with me?... When he said that I got even more angry . 

" Didn't mean for this to happen?!" 

" How can you say that? What the hell is wrong with you?! " Charles looked as if he didn't know how to respond to what I was saying. So I said something. I yelled something . 

"So what? You sleep with me and then you're done? Is that it ? What y-you think that once you've gotten in my bed that I'm just what- this thing that you can just toss aside? Huh?" 

He just kept the same facial expression. 

"Charles! Why? Why are you doing this? Did you just want to use me for your own gratification? Just a temporary play thing?!" 

" NO! " 

He yelled, I flinched. He noticed that I flinched and he took a deep breath. Started talking at a regular volume. 

" No, Jane-anne.. I didn't just use you." I looked at him, my face was red. " We just can't be together." He said with a display of sadness in his tone. So naturally I asked him why. 

" Why charles? Why can't we be together?" "What's so horrible about us that we can't spend our lives together ?" " What's so horrible about this, this thing between us that you're so desperately trying to break?" 

Charles looked away for a second then he turned back, to face me. He had tear watered eyes with one dripping down his face. Charles was heartbroken, well - he certainly looked as if he was heartbroken. In that moment I didn't know whether to believe that he was hurting just as much as I was, or believe that he was playing the part. 

Charles then said something that even I could not help but agree with. Even though I hated agreeing with that. But I didn't care! I wanted to be with him no matter what. 

" Jane-anne, just think! We become married for two months? Maybe three if We're lucky. Then I go off to war?" 

I step up to Charles and grabbed his hand and I said , " YES! We get married! We spend this limited time that we have with each other!" He quickly yelled back. 

" WHY?!" 

I took a step back when he yelled. Then I shook my head and took two steps forward and I yelled right back at him. 

" WHY?! Because this is us! Because this is-" 

Charles interrupted what I was gonna say before I could muster up the rest. " Why?! Because I love you? Because you say that you're mine and I am yours?" 

I responded, " Yes Charles! Because you love me! Because despite everything that we have been through this past year you owe me that!" " You have hurt me, You have lied to me, kept secrets from me. You've pushed me away multiple times. More than I can count! " " Because no matter what no matter the pain, no matter the circumstances I still love you and I want to be with you!" 

Charles just gave me a blank yet also an emotional stare. " It's like every chance you get you push me away it's like I'm not enough for you! So what yo- you used me? Huh? You're just done with me?" 

multiple tears came down my face instantly, I wanted to scream at Charles and just slap him. I wanted to make him feel the hurt that he was making me feel. So I slapped him. In that Moment I wanted to just bestow all kinds of torture onto this man. Charles then tried to reason with me. Charles let out a big sigh as he rubbed his hands on his head. 

" Look, it's not like I haven't thought about it. I have!" He then shouted. " Look we can't go on like this Jane-anne I'm leaving!" 

I stepped back because he had never yelled at me like this. " I am leaving, I'm gonna be gone! I'm gonna go to war and die! And you'll be here left alone! All by yourself! " He had this serious face and continued to yell. 

" Don't you get it Jane-anne?! If we continue to do whatever it is that we're doing then you'll end up hurt anyway! And you wanna know why?!" I tried to answer but he answered for me . 

" Because I'm leaving and you're staying behind! Because no matter what it's inevitable!" 

I yell back at him, " WHAT IS!, huh Charles what is? That we all die? That everyone is born and then they die? I'm not an idiot, okay I know that. " 

He just looked at me with a smug look and rubbed his mouth. I just stare back at him with pain and anger. We just stood there staring at each other neither one not wanting to budge, both wanting to have the last word. Then... he gathered his hat and just left.