05: delusion

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Nila

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Nila.

What a beautiful apt name. She was indeed the moon personified, shining against the black and grey world boldly. Somehow she was the only thing you could see, capturing attention like she was born to do it. There was something about her that Vijay couldn't shake off. Maybe it was her eyes or her hair that gleamed bronze under the sunlight. Or was it the rare smile that graced her lips when she scrolled through her phone?

He was a fucking goner. And it felt wrong to be so enamoured by a person in so little time. It felt illegal. But it made him feel alive. So alive that he could compare it with the feeling when he was whizzing through air, running against the push of wind.

She got on the bus today with a messy bun that was staggering to the left side like it was being weighed down. Her eyes lacked eyeliner and she had no water bottle on her that usually peeked from her tote bag. Nila was dishevelled, out of order as she asked for a ticket. As soon as she got her ticket, she rolled it like she would a joint and tucked it through her ring so that it held against her finger and wouldn't slip away.

Vijay had caught her doing that quite a few times. He thought it was a clever idea because he always tended to lose his ticket. Officials rarely checked for a ticket but once Vijay had been forced to get down at the stop after his because some government worker was stationed at his stop, asking people to show their ticket when they got down. He suspected Nila would have gone through something like that too because she was always careful with that scrap of a paper. If she didn't tuck it under her ring, she would fist it and never let go. 

Nila's blue and white printed shirt hung loose around her frame, the material flowing  at her waist along with the wind. She looped one arm around the railing and the other was holding her phone, her eyes glued to it. Her pinkish brown-tinted lips moved. For a second, he wondered if she was talking to someone on earphones but then again, Nila never carried earphones. When she looked away from her phone and mumbled again, he realised she was reciting things from her phone.

Nila was studying.

She must have probably pulled an all-nighter if the exhaustion in her eyes was any indication. But the undeniable fact was that she was so beautiful. Sleeplessness and messy hair didn't stand a chance against her beauty.

Nila must have felt eyes on her because she looked up from her phone and stared towards his side. Vijay wasn't quick enough. They made eye contact. His heartbeat drummed against his chest.

He smiled at her and she returned the smile. Vijay didn't know what to do next so he just tipped his chin in acknowledgment and turned his gaze to the advertisement for heartburn medication stuck on the window.

In retrospection, Vijay felt like he should have done something more. Maybe he should have waved. Or mouthed a good luck since she had no chance of hearing him with the distance between them. But what would she think if he told her good luck out of nowhere? Would she get to know that he was watching her and diligently picking up each little piece of detail she dropped about herself? That would come off as stalkerish.

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