Affinity

December 1st, 2023

"Really? From the first day I started? You knew?" I asked Jess, who was sitting in the bay across from mine. We had both, funnily enough, finished our testing at the same time, so we were just sitting and talking as we were writing the last few things down in our notebook. If there was anybody that I would say I was closer with here, it would be Jess. We're both around the same age, we're both gay, we both like sharks, and her ex-girlfriend used to play rugby, so we always have something to talk about.

Jess had started just after Taylor did, in the fall before I joined the company, so she knew her way around just a little better than I did. Because of a few miscommunications with her training, we ended up getting trained on a few things at the same time, so we were just naturally closer with each other. We also spent two weeks downstairs in our BSL-2 lab, which is a very small room that has two hoods right next to each other, so, after our initial training down there, we spent most of our days completely talking while we were finishing our kits.

She had grown up in upstate New York, and had gone to UMaine for her bachelors in Biology. She was three years older than me, and worked at a pharmacy before she started at our company. We grew up with very similar families, similar values, and have very similar senses of humor, so it made sense that we became friends so quickly. She was also quite pretty, so I naturally found myself slightly drawn to her anyway.

"Oh totally, babe how couldn't I?" she shot back, still focused on writing her pipette number down in her notebook. By this point, it was close to five, and we were the only ones in the lab. We somehow always ended up on these weird topics when it was just the two of us but I kind of liked it.

"There was just no hesitation at all?" I wondered, my eyes now glued to her, waiting for an answer.

"Dude, you showed up to your interview in blue dress pants and shiny brown shoes and a short sleeve button up shirt! And you were leaving when I was going to lunch, so I watched you get into your truck afterwards. So yeah, I had kind of an idea!" she argued, finally closing her notebook. I just chuckled. I didn't need an explanation for how she knew I was gay from the second she met me, but I found it kind of funny all of the things that she was saying about it. She made a good point though. "Also, you act like you're all slick and that," she added, a smirk appearing on her face. I was momentarily confused by what she meant and I think she could tell.

"Slick about what?" I was extremely intrigued by her comment.

"Umm, maybe about the way that you look at Lindsey 24/7, and about how noticeably happier you were spending all of your weekends this summer with her doing the scary hikes. Or maybe the way that you get all nervous around Liz, or the way you joke with Taylor? Or!" She exclaimed. "The way that you spend literally an hour or more every other day in Katherine's office?" She said almost angrily. It was weird how passionate she seemed about this entire situation. I wondered why she felt so strongly about it. I wondered more so where she got all of this from, and how long she must have been watching me to realize all of it, but before I could ask, Taylor had walked into the lab.

"You're crazy," was all that I could say to not elude our conversation before Taylor had walked in. She just shook her head and smiled at me. I didn't know what else to say. I now immediately felt self conscious about my relationships that I had with everybody in the department now. I had a feeling or I guess more of a hope that she was just saying this because she was upset about something, but I really didn't know what to believe. Sorry I get along with people!

Taylor had left relatively soon after she had come into the lab. It seems like she just had to grab a number for her notebook. I looked back up at Jess and almost was waiting for her to say something more. When she didn't say anything, I started packing up my stuff, and thought that it might just be better to end the conversation where we had. But, just as I had closed my notebook instead up from the bench, I was sitting when she looked up at me.

"I think the part that confuses me the most is that when I started, it felt like Lindsey wanted absolutely nothing to do with me." My head shot up to her.

"What do you mean she wanted nothing to do with you?" I asked, having absolutely no clue what she could've meant by that. At least from what I have known of her and what has held true since I've met her, Lindsey is one of the sweetest people that I think I've ever known, I couldn't imagine her being rude or cold-shouldered towards Jess. I mean hey, she was even nice to Tom, which says a lot because Tom was really hard to be nice to sometimes.

"When I first started, she barely talked to me. I didn't know if I did something wrong or said something wrong or if somebody said something bad about me, but it just felt like she wanted nothing to do with me. I tried to be nice, and since she was training me on a lot of different things, we spent a little bit of time together, almost as much as you and her did when you were getting trained, but it just felt like she wasn't as happy to see me every day like she is with you." I didn't have so much to say. It was well accepted that Jess was definitely a big personality to handle. I could understand why Lindsey might feel a little bit overwhelmed by it sometimes. Hell, I am too. She can be pretty loud, has pretty bold opinions, and isn't afraid to share what she thinks. Lindsey is certainly on the more quiet side, knows when and when not to share her opinions, and knows when to end a joke. So I could maybe see where Jess was getting that feeling from, but I had a hard time believing that Lindsey was to blame for it.

"I just wouldn't say she's happy to see me everyday..." I responded, hiding the little flutter that I got over her saying that. I knew that it wasn't a good thing that I got a little flustered by it.

"Saoirse, literally when you're not here, or when you're already in the lab when she gets here in the morning she never says anything to anyone unless someone says something to her. But oh! If Saoirse is at her desk, Lindsey has no problem saying good morning!" she exclaimed somewhat sarcastically.

"Woah, I just think you're thinking way too into this! I don't know what you think is happening b-" Lindsey walked into the lab while I was mid-sentence. I froze where I was, trying not to make it as completely obvious that we were talking about her. I especially didn't want her to think that I was telling Jess about anything that happened earlier this week. I still couldn't really tell if she fully trusted me or not yet, so I didn't want to take any chances.

Lindsey made her way about the lab, cleaning up what she had used for testing earlier in the day. Jess changed the subject quickly and asked me about what I was running tomorrow. If there was anything I appreciated about her, it was that she was good at talking shit. Which definitely scared me because I couldn't imagine what she might say behind my back, but the two of us had a good idea of our surroundings and what was going on and when to open or shut our mouths, and I appreciated that about her.

Jess was just such a wild card to me. After all of this time, I still couldn't really tell if I truthfully liked her completely or not. While I was almost certain she didn't really know it, I had heard word of some people in the department not being her biggest fan. Tom, for example, did not get along with Jess. She didn't have the patience to deal with him most of the time, which left them bickering like an old married couple. Taylor, who was up there next to Lindsey with being one of the nicest people I knew, sometimes steered clear of Jess because she knew that anything she'd say to Jess would probably get to me, and Lindsey, and Danielle. I also think that she pictured us as being closer than we actually were, which was nice because we could talk about anything without it being weird, but also tricky in the workplace, because it sometimes tangled me in with her problems that other people were having with her. Nothing crazy had happened yet, but it almost felt like she was a ticking time bomb, and I wasn't always super fond of being associated with that.