Affinity

December 14th, 2023

Lindsey's concerned expression caught me off guard as she approached my desk. I had been in the building for a total of twenty minutes before she had even looked in my direction. I actually ended up getting in after her today because my car was plowed in, and it might have been the heaviest snow I had ever had to shovel. So, it took me an extra few minutes, but I really didn't mind. Sometimes I felt like I never got to see the light of day with this job, so I couldn't be so mad that I got to spend a little extra time outside. Out of breath? Yes. Mad? No.

Lindsey leaned against the edge of my desk after she had rounded the corner, her arms crossed over her chest. Jess and I had seemed to be doing fine, so I was grateful for a moment to breathe and focus. But I knew I couldn't avoid Lindsey's questioning look for long, and I had a feeling that it might have something to do with what she had seen.

"Mind if I ask what all that was about yesterday?" Lindsey's voice was soft, almost casual, but there was a hint of tension beneath the surface. I could see it in her eyes—she was trying to be calm, but there was a hint of something else, something a little more intense.

"Jess just... got the wrong idea about something," I said, choosing my words carefully. "I think she misunderstood what she apparently saw between you and me downstairs." I leaned back in my chair, trying to keep my composure, despite the tsunami of butterflies that were traveling through my body. She looked really good today...

Lindsey's brows furrowed slightly, and she shifted her weight, her body language betraying her unease. Couldn't help but notice the way that she stood. I shouldn't have been intimidated by it, but I was. I didn't want my face to start turning a bright shade of red like it normally did when she made me nervous, but just thinking about that happening I think quickened the process more than I had hoped. "Misunderstood? What exactly did she think she saw?" An internal battle immediately commenced in my head. I thought about telling her that it was nothing and that it was something stupid, but then realized that if it was something stupid I should have just told her what it was that was bothering her, so I figured that I might as well just tell her what happened to keep the air clear.

I couldn't help but chuckle a little. "Apparently, she thought we were, um, holding hands and... um, making out in the lab downstairs." I couldn't keep the amusement out of my voice. "Which obviously wasn't accurate."

Lindsey's eyes widened slightly, and she pressed her lips together, trying to keep a neutral expression. "Wow, that's... quite the leap," she said, her voice steady but her gaze lingering on me. I could tell that she was focusing on holding in a laugh that she didn't want to let out.

I nodded. "Yeah, I thought it was a little ridiculous, too. I mean, I was just there to listen to you. It wasn't anything more than that. But, she went on this whole rant about how terrible of a person I basically am, and how delusional this all is, and was pissed that I wouldn't tell her about after "it" happened," I explained, used air-quotes to symbolize the fact that really, nothing exciting happened.

Lindsey's expression softened, and she gave me a small smile, her gaze still locked onto mine. "Good to know. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay between us."

I sensed a hint of jealousy in her tone, and it sent a small thrill through me. Lindsey's eyes held a quiet intensity as she watched me, as if trying to gauge my reaction. It was moments like this that made me feel justified. I mean, how was I supposed to act normal around her when she looked at me like this.

"Everything's fine," I assured her, holding her gaze. "You and I both know that there's nothing to worry about." I offered her a warm smile, trying to reassure her.

Lindsey's expression shifted, the tension slowly melting away. "I just... didn't want to think there was something going on that I didn't know about." Her voice was soft, and her words hung in the air between us. It dawned on me that she was talking about Jess and I. Did she think that something was happening between us? Was hugging people not a thing anymore? The second that you hugged someone you were automatically dating? Gosh, it felt like I was in high school again!

I shook my head. "No secrets here," I said with a smile. "Jess was just jumping to conclusions as always. But thank you for asking."

Lindsey's smile grew, and she seemed to relax a little. "Okay, good." She paused for a moment, her gaze lingering on me. "I'm glad we're on the same page," she said before quickly winking at me.

I nodded, and Lindsey's fingers brushed against mine for just a moment before she turned to leave, a subtle but deliberate gesture. The touch sent a shiver down my spine, leaving me both intrigued and wanting more. I mentally kicked myself, as I always had when I entered this headspace. I needed to let it go, but it was just getting harder and harder as the days went by. I was at the point of really just not knowing how to handle when she makes me feel like this.

As I watched Lindsey walk away, her delicate scent lingered in the air, and I found myself lost in a whirlwind of emotions. My mind kept circling back to the way her fingers had brushed mine, the subtle gesture that spoke volumes without saying a word. It was the kind of touch that made my heart race, my cheeks flush, and my thoughts spiral into a mix of longing and trepidation.

The work in front of me blurred as my thoughts veered toward the what-ifs. What if this was more than just a friendship? What if there was something more between us that neither of us dared to acknowledge out loud? We couldn't- even if it was, it could never be an option. Neither of us were like that. But, the way she looked at me, the intensity in her eyes, it all seemed to hint at a connection deeper than I had anticipated. And that scared me.

I knew my heart was in a precarious position. Lindsey had become a constant presence in my thoughts, and my feelings for her were becoming harder to ignore. The fear of being vulnerable, of letting my guard down, loomed large. The last thing I wanted was to risk our friendship for a romantic possibility that could never even exist.

Yet, there was something undeniably magnetic about her. Her laugh, her smile, the way she moves with grace and confidence—it all drew me in like a moth to a flame. I wasn't the only one that thought this way either. I knew for sure Jess thought the same way, and Erik, the supervisor for a separate branch of our department was head over heels for her. I tried not to think about him too much because he genuinely sends me into a wave of rage everytime I see him walking into our office, and I'd like to save myself the irrational anger. I think part of it, as well, was that he made me feel territorial over her, and I knew that wasn't right of me, so I really just tried to ignore that he existed.

My sister's warning echoed in my mind, a reminder of the risks I was taking by allowing myself to fall for someone like Lindsey. No matter the direction that our relationship continued to go, I had ultimately come to the crushing reality that no matter what happened between us, Lindsey was set to be my biggest heartbreak.

***A/N***

Hey everyone! Just jumping on here to say hi and thank you for taking the time to read my story! This is definitely a bit different from my first publication on here, "I Knew They'd Call You" (go check it out, pretty neat, Criminal Minds focused!), but I'm excited to see where it takes me :) I'll probably be publishing most parts on Wednesdays, but there might be little bits and bobs here and there if I've got the time. Throw a vote up there to let me know when you're liking a chapter so I can get a better idea for which direction to go! Thanks y'all <4