Hello, Sun

3

 Every day since then she and I would have small conversations. Then those small talks became deeper conversations, and little by little I became a little more selfish when it came to her. I wanted her all to myself, why because she made me smile. Smile, something I thought I could never do but somehow she made that possible. Fear, something I thought I would never feel because I never connected with anything, but I connect with her so now fear is something I feel. I'm scared that one day she will disappear and then I will truly understand what loneliness feels like.

In my world, it was only me but now she's in it. Black and white turned to colors. Dark turned into light. Blue turned into yellow, and everything I knew changed. I have no idea if this is a good thing, but then it got bad. My depression was always there but when she came into my world it was gone. It was gone for a little bit but it will never go away. I knew that but I ignored it. That was the mistake I made, it hit me. It got a hold of me, I couldn't breathe. The light went away, I was out of school for weeks. I didn't leave my room, I couldn't. I had no motivation, I wanted to stay there. I forgot how it felt because she made it go away. She made it go away but you can not cure depression. Depression sticks with you forever, some days you can breathe, and other days you are drowning in the darkness. I forgot how it felt, and now I fear because of this she will leave me. Connection, something that can bring so much happiness but so much fear. I thought I could live without it but now I see that it's not bad. I thought I wouldn't understand fear but fear only comes into play when you find something or someone you truly are scared of losing. I found that someone, I wonder if she even cares that I've been gone so long.