Becoming Her (Trans)

Chapter 10

It's barely been a couple of weeks since school started, and already Miss Young has us writing a short story. She wants us to write in 1,000 words about how we feel in our skin. And it's a big part of our grade. 

What's with teachers giving out assignments worth a lot more than they actually are?

"You have until this Friday to complete it," the English teacher states. When everyone groans, she adds, "If it makes you feel better, I can plan to have you guys write for about 20 minutes each day during class until the deadline." It doesn't, but I like the fact she's trying her best to be helpful. 

Minutes later, pop music is playing, and everyone's given a chance to do the assignment. All I'm doing is staring down at a blank piece of paper with a mechanical pencil on top of it. It's not that I don't know how to write it; I do. I'm just unsure where to start. 

Suddenly, Gwen asks me, "Having writer's block?" She gives me a smile. I look over to her desk to see her half of her paper is full of her handwriting. "Don't worry, you'll get over it in time."

I mumble under my breath, "Yeah, 5 minutes before the deadline." Picking up the pencil, I hover it over the paper, forcing my brain to come up with something for me to use. 

Dot, dot, dot. (Get it? Instead of ..., I'm actually saying it--you know what? Forget about it.)

Yep. It's not going to happen any time soon. 

Instead, I start doodling. Now, if there was a class for that, I'd be set to graduate next year. I ignore everything around me, pretending they're noises in the jungle and I'm a scientist recording the observations for an unknown species. (I think science has ruined me forever.)

"Whatcha drawing?" Gwen pipes up. I jerk my head towards her direction. I then see what I'm drawing and casually cover it with my hand. "Was that a bow?"

"Um, of course not," I say, sounding like she's being ridiculous. "It's a, uh, UFO."

Gwen gives me a look. "Smooth, Ace." She's still grinning. I don't think there's anything in the universe that'll wipe the smile off of her face. "We have a few minutes of class left. Maybe you'll want to get rid of it?"

Now it's my turn to give her a look. "What makes you think I'm getting rid of it?"

"Says the one who hides his phone because he's embarrassed about it." Touche, I think. Gwen starts up her writing again, and talks while she writes. "Oh, I was wondering--"

Fuck, I say in my head. She's going to ask you if you're a cross-dresser. Or go on another trip with Joey the bitch. Or ever worse, ask you out.

I don't know how Gwen asking me out is worse than spending more time with Joey. At least Gwen is nice and happy. 

"--so, can you?"

"Wait, what?" I ask suddenly. I haven't realized Gwen was still talking. "What were you asking?"

Gwen makes a mistake in her paper. She silently erases the mark and flips her pencil back. "I said, I was wondering if you would like to hang out with me this weekend."

Is Joey involved? Say no! You're a strong independent person, who don't need no bitch.

She must have known what I was thinking; she quickly adds, "Joey won't be there. She has other plans."

Do they include pouring acid down someone's throat?

My mind tends to get creatively snarky when I'm freaking out. Or stressed. Or any feeling where happiness doesn't play a part. 

"Matthew?" Gwen calls out softly. "Earth is down here."

"Very funny," I deadpan. "But yeah. Sure, I don't mind getting out of the house for the 2nd weekend in the row." Maybe Kelly will be glad to have the house to herself; Mom also has something to go to for her work. All I know about it is she'll be gone from Friday morning to Sunday night.

Gwen smiles. "Great." She pushes the glasses up her nose. "10 o'clock on Saturday at Triangle Park?"

"You live nearby there?" She nods. "Alright, it's a date." The bell rings, and I pick up the paper full of doodles. I stare at it before deciding to crumple it up. Gwen was a little right about me. 

I throw away the crumpled up paper and get out of the classroom. Josh is waiting by the door. I assume he's there for me, but I think twice. The girl he's crushing on is in my class. So I only wave to him and pass by him. 

"Oh no, buddy boy," Josh says, grabbing my arm. "I'm talking to my favorite people right now. That means you." Gwen appears behind me. 

"Um, OK." I walk beside Josh, with her on the other side. "So what's up?"

Josh lets out a groan. "I'm bored out of my mind with this shit. I'm thinking about doing something fun after school today. You guys up for that?" I dodge someone with an overloaded stack of books in their arms. 

Gwen immediately answers happily, "I'd like to! That'd be fun!"

On the other hand, I stutter a little over my response. "I'd like to, but--"

"But what?" Josh looks curious.

Shrugging, I reply, "I have to get home and make sure Kelly does her homework and go to her job in time."

"Kelly has a job now?" my best friend asks, surprised. "I wasn't expecting that from her."

"Me either, to be honest," I say. "But with what's going on, we all have to pitch in."

Gwen stops by her locker and does the combination. "Why? What's going on?" She succeeds in opening it, and takes out a math book. 

I put my hands in my pockets. Debating on whether to tell her the truth, I choose my words carefully. "My family's kind of going through a rough--"

Josh interrupts me. "His dad left." 

I gape at him. You dick!

Gwen's jaw drops. "I'm sorry, Matthew. I didn't know." She reaches over and hugs me tight. It lasts for about 5 seconds, and it's 5 seconds longer than it should. At least Gwen smells good, like cake frosting.

She finally lets go of me. "If you need someone to talk to, I'm here." Gwen smiles again, this time sympathetic. "I'm a good listener." The final bell rings, and she widens her eyes. "Shoot! I have to go!" Just like that, she leaves to her class. 

I turn to Josh. "What was that for?" I ask, a little angry. "It's not something you can blurt out. Especially if it's not happening to you."

He puts his hands up. "Whoa, sorry dude. I heard Gwen prefers the truth over the partial lie. I didn't want you getting in trouble with her." If I'm not mistaken, Josh sounds a little jealous.

I glare at him. "Josh, I'm not into her if that's what you're worried about," I reply. "We're only friends. Nothing will ever happen between us." When my best friend doesn't change his expression, I add, "Would it help if I'm really interested in aliens?" I'm not sure how this turned from me to him, but I'm not in the mood to fight with him over a girl. 

Like I have guessed, Josh snorts. "So that's why you haven't been in a relationship." The final bell rings, and one of the teachers call out for us to get to class. "Fine. I'll see you in art, yeah?" I nod. "Great." 

Josh and I go on our separate ways, me still thinking over what would've happened if I said yes to Josh's invitation. Knowing him, probably a lot of corny jokes, cornier than mine, and forced laughter. I shudder. I've had enough of that from the too many times we've hung out. I'd choose to be my sister's babysitter over hanging out with hormonal Josh any day.