Becoming Her (Trans)

Chapter 21

I'm examining the blade I snitched from my sister's room a while ago. I haven't decided if I should use it again. The cuts I've made before are healed now; any sign of them have been made into small scars.

It's not that I had a bad day today and I want to cut to feel better or anything. Actually, I don't have any typical idea as to why I feel like cutting. The last time, I haven't really . . . felt anything; I was more focused on the anger I had at the time. I guess this time it's a pathetic way of finding out exactly how much pain I can feel from it.

While I'm debating, my phone rings next to me on my bed. After about 6 rings, it stops. Voicemail. Less than a minute later, it rings again. Sighing, I palm the blade and pick up the phone. "Hullo?" I mumble.

Silence.

"Hello?"

Still silence.

"Josh, I swear to God--" A voice interrupts me.

"Hi!" Gwen calls out. "Sorry, I couldn't hear you at first."

"Oh." I fumble with the blade before placing it on the nightstand. "What do you want?"

I hear her clicking her tongue in disapproval. "Manners, buddy. You have to have manners," she says. "But anyway, there's this one place I want to go to, and I'm wondering if you want to come along today." When I don't say anything, she adds, "I thought you might like to do something different for a change."

"Um, yeah. Sure." Subconsciously, I pick up the blade again, and hide it away in a book I don't read often, as if Gwen could see what I was thinking about. It doesn't matter that our conversation is on the phone. "What time can you pick me up?" I ask.

"Mmm, I'll text you when I'm nearby your house," Gwen decides.

"Um, alright then."

__________

Oh. Hell. No.

That's the first thing that comes to my mind when I see someone in the passenger seat in the car Gwen's driving. It's different than the one she used to pick me and Kelly up last time. It's green and shiny, as if it's brand new.

Anyway, the person is hunched over in her seat, focused on the phone in her hands. She's playing a game, I think. She grunts in acknowledgement of my presence, but that's all.

"Um, I didn't know Joey's going with us," I tell Gwen. What I really mean is, Next time you bring a bitch to something like this, warn me first! Is that so hard to ask?

"Oh. Sorry." She sends me an apologetic look. "This is her car. Mine broke down, and I'm waiting for it to be fixed. Until then, I have to drive this one if I have to." Gwen glances at Joey. "She's the one who insisted on coming along to my rides."

The mega bitch pauses the game long enough to say, "I didn't know she invited your sorry ass to this."

"And Gwen didn't tell me your snot-nosed presence was going to be here, too," I respond. I can imagine Joey sneering and calling me names in her head as I get in the backseat in the car. When I'm buckled up, Gwen shifts gears and starts driving away.

For the time being, the only sounds in the car is the "pew pew pew" sounds from Joey's game and the soft playing of jazz on the car radio. I can't tell if the music's modern or from the 20th century. Either way, Gwen seems to enjoy it, judging from her slight swaying to it.

Finally I can't stand it anymore. "So, anything new with you and Josh?" I ask Gwen.

She giggles. "Quite a few," she replies. "Now that he knows I know, Josh has been acting a lot more caring than usual. You know, making sure I had the right textbook, or that I had a coat just in case I get cold, or--"

"We get it," Joey pipes up. "Your stalker is a gentleman."

"Josh is anything but a stalker," I defend. "Of course, you wouldn't have known that. I'm pretty sure no one has ever liked you as much as my friend likes Gwen."

She growls loud, but Gwen puts her hand on her knee in a way to calm her down. Weirdly, it works; the mega bitch slinks down in her seat, still on her phone. We're silent again for another 20 minutes.

Gwen finally drives into a street to park by the time I'm ready to grab Joey's phone, snap it in half, and shove the pieces down her throat. The sounds are becoming more obnoxious as she dies over and over again on a level. "We're here!" she calls out.

"Thank fuck," Joey mutters to herself.

"Tell me about it," I whisper, getting out of the car. I look around, noticing my surroundings for the first time. "Um, Gwen?" I ask.

"Yeah?"

"Did you really drive us out to Seattle?"

Nodding, Gwen grabs her purse. "I've been wanting to go here since I moved. I've heard that it's uh-mazing!"

Joey's a little confused, too. "You didn't say anything about Seattle," she says, slowly.

"Technically," Gwen answers, holding a finger up. "I've never told either of you guys where I wanted to go. I only said there's a place."

"Why not just ask us about it?" I suggest. "We would've told you about Pike Place and the Space Needle."

Gwen pouts. "I know, but hearing about them and being there are two different things. I want to explore!" She exaggerates by spreading her arms out and turning in a circle, almost smacking an innocent person in the face. He glares at her before continuing his traveling.

After she recovers from it, Gwen grins at us. "So, wanna help me find some cool stuff?" she asks.

I take a minute to think about it. Do I really want to go back home? While I was getting a snack in the kitchen before Gwen texted me, I was ignoring the fact Mom was sitting at the table mumbling to herself as she read what looked like an official file. Probably for the divorce, I thought, taking out a bag of chips from the pantry.

Back to the present, I shrug. "What the hell?" I say. "What's the worst that can happen?"

"Considering the fact we're in a big city, a lot," Joey grouches.

I agree with her, but all the same I groan. "For once, be fucking cheerful," I spit out. "The whole Negative Nelly is getting old."

The mega bitch opens her mouth for a comeback when Gwen shakes her head no. "Guys, now's not a good time to fight," she says. "What you should be doing is giving me a grand tour. Or at least, shutting up and following me like good little puppies."

I snort. "As if I'm ever good," I say.

"In bed," Joey adds, quiet enough for me to hear.

Ignoring her, I hold my arm out like a guy would in one of those movies in the '50s. Gwen's amused, and grabs my arm. "Shall we go then?" I ask.

"Lead the way, sir," Gwen says, playing along. Joey's sticking a finger down her throat, clearly disgusted. Hopefully, she'll choke on it.