The Chemist

Chapter 20

April 21st, 11:30 a.m. The Upper West Side, New York City

The resident released Kate from the hospital the following day after having advised her of the drug rehab programs available. As the cab rolled to a halt in front of her apartment, she leaned over and pecked Danny on the cheek.

"Wait," he said. "I'll walk you inside."

Though her reflex was to reject his offer, she relented.

He guided her up the stoop to her apartment with a gentle touch to the small of her back. "Just hang out today and get some rest." She shuddered as she guided his hand away. "I'll give you a call this afternoon."

Pushing him away was the safe option for her. "You don't have to. I'll be fine." She unlocked the front door and stepped inside.

When she entered the apartment, she turned on the TV for her next Castle fix. She'd seen them all before. Many times, in fact, but never grew tired of them. She even mouthed the lines along with the characters on occasion.

Three and a half episodes later, she fell into a dreamless sleep. Deep-rooted memories resurfaced this time. When she opened her eyes, Kate was no longer in her apartment, but rather lying in her first foster parents' home, on a toddler bed and five years old again. The gray stucco ceiling looked down on her with a dim overhead light, eclipsed only by the off white walls of peeling paint. A lone window was half covered with a shade, the few sun rays peering through not reaching her.

Wearing a filthy nightgown, Kate couldn't evade the odor of old vomit and urine. She realized that her mother, Felicia, had left her completely alone in the pre-war ranch house in Pawtucket, Rhode Island. She ran into the living room to the front door, opened it and cried out, "Mommy! Mommy!" but no one answered. Felicia and her boyfriend, Ted, had gone out to score drugs this morning. Like so many others.

Kate passed the time alone spinning the spokes of a bicycle left in the kitchen by the back door leading to the garage, where she tiptoed around shards of glass from a broken spaghetti sauce jar. The toddler Kate screamed, tears rolling down both cheeks as she hobbled out to the living room sofa, where she sat down to dig a piece of glass from her bleeding foot. Crimson spots followed behind her on the tan, low-grade wool carpet. She wept in silence, biting her lip, and squinted her eyes shut until the tears stopped falling.

Looking out of the window, Kate saw her mother standing on the sidewalk in front of the home in pink fuzzy slippers, helping Ted inject something into his arm.

They entered laughing, ignoring Kate, until she yelled, "Mommy, I'm hungry!" She hadn't eaten in two days.

"Shut up!" her mother hissed. "Don't bother me today, okay? Go play." Felicia's disheveled, shoulder-length hair bobbed around her weathered face indicative of her drug use. Her raspy voice was typical of chain smokers.

When a shard of guilt overcame her, Felicia tossed Kate a bag of Gummy Bears. The appreciative little girl, in an attempt to show some gratitude, tried to cuddle up alongside her saying, "I love you Mommy," extending her tiny hand that was summarily swatted away.

"I don't want to hold your hand!" Felicia snapped. "Leave me the fuck alone!"

The lone bathroom in the house was littered with empty syringes overflowing from a waste paper basket. Two Colt 45 malt liquor cans lay discarded and empty on the floor. A row of Kate's underpants were hanging over the shower rod. The toilet was filthy and unflushed from its last usage. The bath tub was coated with green mold, flies and dank water. Each time Felicia gave her a bath, which could be weeks apart, she had to bribe her with new underwear.