The Tall Tales of Daphne Monroe

Tuesday 20th January.

2:00pm

Stuck in Spanish with Sourface Perez.

Well. I now know how she got her nickname.

To paraphrase Humphrey Bogart, I feel this to be the start of a beautiful hatred.

And I think Sourface does too.

4:30pm

Freedom! I've only been at this school two weeks and it's already been far too long.

But on the plus side I seem to have been accepted into the group.

It's weird, but I feel like we've been friends for far too long as well. But, like, in a good way.

That doesn't make sense but I don't care.

I have friends, and suddenly this place doesn't seem like the ninth circle of Hell anymore. Maybe just the seventh or eighth.

But especially not weather-wise, it's flipping freezing; I think if anyone brushed past me they could knock my nipples right off.

We're all heading to Fiona's Café- that's what it's called. Her parents named it after her. They thought it would be 'sweet, just like her'.

Barf.

If my father even SUGGESTS naming the pub after me, forget Jason, I'll gouge his eyes out myself.

'I can't stay too long, I've got lacrosse practice in an hour,' Eddie says, clapping his hands together to try and warm them up.

'Are the guys meeting you here?' Jade asks. I swear, I almost saw her ears prick up at 'lacrosse practice.'

'Of course. And put your tongue away.'

'Did I miss something?' I ask.

'Just wait,' Alex says mysteriously.

5:15pm

Sweet Lord and Holy Jesus.

Now I get it.

Hmm... do I get it.

It's almost like God went, 'hmm...how could we get every good-looking boy in one place at the same time...? Oh, I know. Lacrosse practice.'

And we all thank Him for that.

Boy, do we thank Him.

6:30pm

You know, the good thing about moving to a new place is you get the chance to reinvent yourself. No more embarrassing memories of you as a kid.

No-one reminding you that you once threw up, rather violently, during third year assembly, right in the middle of the Lord's Prayer.

Nope, there's none of that.

Unfortunately, that doesn't stop you from creating new memories of you making a complete ARSE of yourself.

Which I just did.

Excuse me whilst I go into a corner to curl up and die.

8:00pm

Fiona rings.

'It wasn't that bad.'

'Yes it was.'

'OK, maybe it was. But look on the bright side. No one knows who you are.'

'Well, they bloody do now. It was awful.'

'You only fell over...'

'It was worse than that.'

'Well, you could have not pulled that old woman down with you... or knocked that pram over. With the baby still in it.'

Oh, Gooooooooooood.