I have decided to rewrite this chapter. I didn't like the first draft. This one has more thought and feeling between the characters. Please enjoy!
My mate, the one who so many years was the very air I breathe, sits like stone not even a foot away. With his elbows on his knees and hands grasped firmly together, he seems to be calm and collected, however with him being my mate and knowing him, I see through what others would see. This man only sits with elbows on knees when nervous, and uncertain. His eyes blank to hide whatever wheels are turning in that big head of his.
With being in close proximity, I've notice something about the father of my son.
When I first met Haythem, he oozed arrogance like all young men, but what set him apart and always grabbed my attention was the immaturity and irresponsibility that always poked through with a man in his position.
Back then, I was so infatuated with him that I didn't care, he was perfect in every way.
However, I notice that it's gone. He still ooze that arrogance which he already displayed, it's a shame his cheek is no longer red, but he's gained maturity and responsibility.
I'm glad he's grown into the man I knew he would become, a man he can be proud of even with his mistakes.
With this new found knowledge, I'm content with how this talk will go between us. It's a talk long over due, and honestly, I'll be happy to relieve the pent up emotions of guilt, rage, and smidge of animosity gravitating around us.
So, I wait patiently for Haythem to gather his thoughts, knowing he wants to be the first to speak.
And after a few silent minutes, the King of Alphas finally speaks with a faraway look in his eyes, reliving memories not forgotten.
"When I found you, I will admit I didn't want to find you so soon. I wanted to enjoy being a young man with no responsibilities. I knew the second I found you, my father would hand me his title and expect a heir to be produce the second I bedded you. I wasn't ready for any of it. To be king, a mate....."
Haythem pauses, then chokes as he continues. "A father.... "
He didn't move from his position the whole time he spoke, and neither did I, hanging on with bated breath.
"The way I saw it then was that my life would be over, that I wouldn't get to enjoy even just a bit of my life before it even began."
With the Alpha deep in his thoughts as he speaks, he doesn't realize the slight painful squeeze of my heart at hearing his words. But luckily, he didn't.
"And when dad ordered me to go to the mating ball, I prayed to the goddess not to find you. But things never go according to plan.... "
"Then I smelled your sweet scent." My mate, for the first time since opening his mouth, he softly grins. "Oh goddess, Zry. You were magnificent. That fiery red hair was the first thing I saw. Flames fell across the creamy skin of your face, showcasing those gorgeous eyes that took my breath away."
"Those wicked thoughts vanished every time that heavenly smile of yours was aimed at me."
"But then dad began my coronation to the throne, and like a worm, those thoughts of my ending crawled back into my thoughts."
"I fought with my wolf constantly, I hated it. My wolf, a part of me, didn't see why I thought those things. He didn't understand!"
The shriveled alpha fists his hair and pulls a bit to calm his frustration at not being understood my a being who is apart of him.
"Every aspect of my life planned. From the time I could walk, it was nothing but preparations for when I became King. There was no freedom, even when I shifted, and ran through the forest, I didn't get that freedom. Not I, but my wolf!"
There's so much I want to ask, however I know I have to wait. I'm finally getting the answers I want, no need! With all my might I keep my mouth shut, letting him finish.
"Then I realized, I resented the very thought of becoming King. With a sliver of hope, I came up with a plan to show my father I wasn't King material." Haythem snorts, like when you can't believe you can be that stupid.
"So I got some friends together and drank and smoked myself stupid. The first time, as the others, I hardly remember. I always pictured you, it was your touch I felt, not there's. And when I woke the first time with a stranger in my bed and my father above me....."
As this mighty man shares his despair, he suddenly seems much more human, much smaller from the absolute self loathing pouring from him in waves.
"Well I didn't get what I wanted, but like the dumbass I am, I kept going back to the wolfsbane. For the escape, with the drug in my system, I had a fabricated life. My father gave me time to enjoy my life. In that frame of mind, I didn't have a mate yet, but the more I went back to the drugs, reality and delusion swirled together."
By the end, his words are but a whisper. "That day, I was high. In the moment, you haven't came in my life yet. But like I said, my reality and delusions mixed together. I knew I found you, it was there, like when you can't think of that word on the tip of your tongue, just covered up by another word you know isn't quite right. It was just concealed behind a curtain of what I wished was..... "
With the last words fallen from his tongue, I slowly but surely take in every word he spoke and replay it in my head and recall my memories.
I remember that a few days after the ball and finding my mate in Haythem, I was overflowing with joy and love. I was happy with my pairing and I thanked the Goddess for giving me him. With my mind occupied with moving and settling in with my mate, I didn't notice anything odd with the prince. I didn't notice his resentment. I do remember him storming away from his father after he ordered a meeting for the coronation. I sat by his mother and hardly paid attention as we spoke of little things. I didn't pay attention to his late nights, weird herb smells, abnormally large pupils, fast speaking, etc. All the signs pointed to drugs-wolfsbane.
And I was too blinded by newly mated joy that I didn't notice my mate suffering............
