Her Sister's Fiancé - Book #1

Chapter 16

Warning: This chapter may or may not be edited an enormous amount or removed from this book altogether in the future. I'm not super fond of it. . .

"Drat this rain!" Cassandra glowered, flopping into a chair in a most unladylike fashion. Lavinia looked up from her book momentarily. She hadn't been reading anyway; her thoughts were elsewhere, and she couldn't seem to focus. "Kitty was going to come so we could look over my trousseau one last time, but I doubt she will now."

Gently closing her book, Lavinia rose and went to one of the large windows, watching the rain fall in steady drops, beating against the windowpane and rolling away. Somehow, the view of the droplets of water made her want to join the sky in releasing her sorrow in tears. Her vision blurred slightly, and she lowered her face into her hand, struggling for control.

She had never felt so shredded. She was weak and languid, and she didn't think her heart would ever beat freely again. She had loved; she had thrown herself over a towering precipice with a smile as the wind tugged at her. It had felt like flying and swimming and so many other things all at once, but now she had crashed onto the rocks of reality, and her dreams and smiles were gone. She felt desolate.

The feelings of loss would pass, she knew, she had never been one to imagine herself dying of heartbreak, that would have been more like Cassandra, but the pain seemed almost unbearable at times. She wished desperately that she was a little girl and could run to her father with her troubles, but that was out of the question. She had sworn to herself she would never tell anyone of this lost love of hers; she would suffer it in secret, quietly and without fuss.

"Are you all right, Lavinia?" The question startled her, and the fact that it came from Cassandra's lips might have shocked her beyond words if she hadn't been so downcast. Cassandra and she hadn't been close in a long, long time; Cassandra was usually too worried about her wardrobe to notice her little sister, and Lavinia had never begrudged her that.

"Yes, I'm fine." Lavinia collected her feelings and turned to face her sister, attempting to smile. Cassandra's emerald eyes stared up at her, an odd expression in their depths that Lavinia couldn't understand.

"Are you sure?" Cassandra said carefully.

"Yes, I'm positive." Lavinia asserted, returning to her chair and setting her book in her lap.

"So long as you're sure." Cassandra nodded curtly, smoothing out the wrinkles in her dress. "I wouldn't want you sick for the wedding. Especially if it's something catching, it would be utter misery to be ill for one's wedding." That was it, then. Cassandra hadn't been worried about her little sister; it was her glorious wedding that mattered.

Thinking about the wedding made Lavinia feel strangely dizzy. She would have to attend and watch it all happen. Ethan loved her, she was sure of that, and if she said the word, he wouldn't hesitate to pack his things and take her far from London, but she couldn't do that. Her loyalties to Cassandra were too strong. Yes, they had been opposite in their views and opinions for years now, but that didn't change anything. She would have done almost anything for the old Cassandra, and the thought of injuring her sister in any way would have grieved her as it did now.

No, she simply had to put it all out of her mind. She had to get through the ceremony, and then she could escape to forget her painful foolishness. She was still unsure where she would go in the end, but she had begun thinking about an old family friend who ran an orphanage in Brighton. With the fresh sea breeze and hard work to keep her mind off other things, her wounds would have time to heal without the constant reminder of what had caused them.

Wetting her lips, Lavinia rose suddenly and closed her book. She needed some fresh air to clear her head. A walk in the garden would be pleasant, even in the rain. She could have peace and quiet to consider her options.

Stepping into the cool outdoors, she walked slowly along the garden path. Day after tomorrow, her sister was going to get married, and things would settle back to normal, but Lavinia didn't want to go back to normal. She'd had enough of London, and she needed to get away.

Restlessly, she paced the garden, staring at the grass with narrowed eyes. Her mother would be angry with her, but her father would understand. He had noticed something was not altogether right with her, she was sure of it, and he would support her in whatever decision she made.

Gritting her teeth with determination, she turned back toward the house. She was going to make it through these next few days if it killed her. She would behave as though everything was normal, and she wouldn't ruin her sister's day, but neither would she be here when her sister and Ethan returned from their honeymoon. She would write to Mrs. Mallory now. She knew what she was going to do, and there was a certain lightness that came with the knowledge.