17 - Different Layers of Happiness

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As luck would have it, the situation in China escalates and Felix is forced to spend a lot of time in his factory in Harbin

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As luck would have it, the situation in China escalates and Felix is forced to spend a lot of time in his factory in Harbin. A visit is no longer mentioned; even the brief phone calls, which are dominated by idle chitchat, become less frequent after the first week. I'm glad in a way, but with nothing to do other than moping around my aunt's tiny house, the loneliness weighs down on me hard. Add a bunch of pregnancy hormones and tears spill when someone only looks at me funny.

My aunt is cooing around me like a clucking hen, making sure I'm comfortable and fattening me up with her amazing home cooking. After puking out my guts for so long, going a day without a queasy stomach is amazing. Every time I step on a scale, the increasing pounds confirm I'm on the right track. The growing baby bump can no longer be hidden, and my body softens, which also comes with a bigger cup size. Having always been an A-size, the jump to a huge D cup is a little bit of a bummer, but I get over it quickly when my aunt reassures me that my breasts will get smaller again after the pregnancy. That she never had kids and hence, probably doesn't even know for sure, doesn't occur to me.

Even though I should tell her about Felix, I have been tightlipped, only admitting that I couldn't see us having a joint future together. For now, I'm still trying to figure things out. While I'm convinced there is some truth about the abuse allegations, that annoying voice grows louder and louder, warning me not to jump to conclusions. The truth is that a part of me misses Felix, and having his child grow bigger and stronger inside of me doesn't exactly help matters. Heartbreak is heartbreak, no matter what the circumstances, yet surprisingly, my tears have been reluctant to fall. An unusual amount of time is spent thinking about Patrick instead. On a hotness scale, he has always outranked Felix by quite a few points, and the fun we had together was epic. He was not only my lover but my best friend.

After being back home for a little over three weeks, a knock on my bedroom door awakes me from my afternoon nap.

"Ashlynn, you have a visitor."

Disoriented, I blink at the door before my gaze flicks to my old fashion alarm clock; it still has mechanic bells that constantly tick, something most people find annoying. It's just after five in the afternoon.

"Who is it?" I ask before realizing my aunt has already gone back downstairs. It must be a stranger she doesn't feel comfortable leaving alone, and though he didn't mention anything about visiting me during our last phone call, my money is on Felix. He's probably hoping to surprise me, unaware that things with the surrogacy are about to escalate.

I take my time getting dressed. To my horror, none of my pants allow me to close the button anymore, let alone pulling up the zipper. My bad for only wearing sweats these last few days. I finally settle on a long housedress that falls loosely around my calves, my feet hiding in my old sheepskin slippers that have been heaven for my swollen ankles. An old cardigan my aunt knitted ages ago battles the cool draft seeping in through the tiny cracks in the wooden frames of the windows. It's really time to get this house fixed up—and maybe consider a new wardrobe.

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