I'm saying "I do"....but not for Love

Chapter 35

Katy's POV

Whatever painkillers the doctor had prescribed me, they were amazing. I slept from the time Jordan put me to bed until ten the next morning. For the first time since the accident, I felt like I had actually rested. I was ready to go about my day.

I crawled out of bed and put on a loose knit dress, not wanting to take any chances of messing up the stitches from the surgery. 

The surgery. I lost all energy and was overcome with sadness. I hadn't thought about it those first few minutes of waking up, but the stitches reminded me of everything I had lost in the wreck. I started to cry, but stopped myself. 

"No, Katy," I said to myself. "Pack and get ready to go so that you can tell Jordan bye tonight."

I flung back open the closet door and pulled out my two big suitcases. I angrily opened  my drawers and started to throw clothes into my luggage. With each piece of clothing, the throws got more forceful. By the time I had emptied one of my pieces of furniture, I was ready to scream. So I did. Plopping down in the middle of my room, I screamed loudly, immediately feeling better. 

The door suddenly swung open wide and Jordan quickly ran to me. "Katy! What's wrong? Talk to me. Wait. Why are there suitcases out?"

My face flamed with shame and horror. "What are you doing here?" I said, eyes wide.

"What am I doing here?" Jordan repeated incredulously. "What am I doing here? How can you ask me that? Baby, you should know I wouldn't be anywhere but here with you."

"That's just it!" I wailed. "Why do you have to be here?"

Confusion was splattered across his gorgeous face. Amidst the confusion, there was also hurt. "I thought you wanted me to be here. I promised you on March 13 that I would stick with you through sickness and in health didn't I? I meant every single word I said, baby. But I need you to talk to me."

"I can't," I whispered. I stood up and resumed my packing, this time more calm than before.

"Are you going on vacation or something?" he asked, trying to figure out what was up.

"Sure, we can go with that," I said. I struggled to keep the despair out of my voice, but failed miserably. 

Jordan came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. "It's time to talk to me," he said. "Right now. Tell me what's going on and tell me everything. Is this about the accident?"

I nodded, tears beginning to trickle down my cheeks again. "Gosh, I can't stop crying. Sorry."

He gently spun me around. Leading me over to the bed, he sat down on it and pulled me down beside him. "Okay, so what about it? Nightmares?"

Crap. He wasn't supposed to be around. I was supposed to be able to just leave and file for divorce and not have to try to explain why. He deserves to be happy and I can't make him happy. But what am I going to tell him?

Suddenly, it was like a light came on in Jordan's head. He had an idea; I could tell. "Wait. Katy, baby, I know exactly what this is." Sympathy filled his expression.

"You do?" I said, hoping he didn't really know what was going on.

With an expression on his face that I could only describe as love and sympathy, he reached up and gently touched my face. "Katy. I have something to say and I want you listen to me and listen good. I am dead serious when I say this. I love you. Nothing will ever change that."

"But you don't know everything," I protested weakly, melting under his intense gaze.

"Oh, but I do," he Jordan said, a knowing look in his eyes. "The doctors told me everything already. I was going to wait for you to bring it up, but apparently you were just going to run away without telling me anything. And you know what? I still love you. I will always love you, whether we can have our own kids or not. Nothing could ever make me stop loving you."

With that, he leaned forward and kissed me, wiping away any thoughts I had of leaving.