Victim of Circumstance | UNDER RIGOROUS EDITING

Chapter 34 - Explosions, Gases & Revelations

||Valeria||

To say the last three weeks had been hell on earth would be an understatement because it was that and so much more. Xavier’s death affected everyone but most of all his brother. Pius…  My heart breaks million times over and over every time I think about him. Losing his brother affected Pius in the most gruesome and grueling way possible. What I saw when I arrived at the hospital that day was a sight I never wish to ever see in my life—like ever. That’s the worse I have seen him in. He was self-destructive beyond and back. He wanted to hurt himself. He blamed himself for his brother’s death. I don’t know how he could’ve possibly caused it but the guilt drove him into a dark hole which he never recovered from.

The Pius I knew, the vindictive, manipulative shallow shell of a human being was lost and never found. Until today. Throughout the whole ordeal from the funeral until now, he’s practically a walking zombie. It was like he knew and could see the happenings around him but at the same time couldn’t. He numb his emotions to the extent that he somehow developed self-destructive impulses. He wanted to end his suffering. I found him one day in his bathroom, his bathtub fully filled with water and a razor blade in his hand. If I didn’t find him the time I did, Pius Starke would’ve been something of the past. He tried so hard to drive me away, always on the lookout for voguish—if I can call it that—ways to make me hate him. I made it clear to him that no matter what that I would always be stuck with him whether or not he needed me. He stopped fighting me when he saw that nothing would make me buckle in my course. I knew he needed someone. He knew he needed someone but he was just too stubborn to admit it himself. He couldn’t count on his father since he was also emotionally distraught.

You could say that I pretty much nanny-d him through everything. Eating and bathing became a thing of the past. The beard I once never knew he had grew bushy and wild. He looked a hell load of a mess. One thing that shocked me though was his resistance to alcohol. According to what his grandparents told me, he couldn’t stay away from the bottle throughout the exams. They never knew what the caused was but I knew because that was the time we argued. And for a split second I had this fear he would bounce back to alcohol but he never even glanced that way. Just like his father despite the emotional turmoil he was going through. Despite the emotional turmoil they were both going through.

I found him one day in his brother’s room staring into space with tears cascading down his face. That’s the day I found out that he had been doing that nightly. Something like a night ritual. I didn’t like that side of him. It broke me in ways I never thought possible. I hated seeing him in that state. The night-ritual-thing became an us thing. I didn’t want him to go through that much pain alone so I decided to join him. It came to that point where he was practically my big baby. Where he would only listen to me and disregard what everyone else told him. I knew I wouldn’t always be around and I needed him to see that. Something that he was highly resistant to.

My parents met him at Xavier’s funeral which they attended under disguise. My father to be specific doesn’t like Pius at all because of everything I endured at his hand. My mom was another thing but she was deal-able. They despised—still does—my outings with Pius where I would be hanging out with him at their place. For a while everything seemed okay. Things started to normalize. He started smiling—slightly. Started laughing from time to time even if it was just one of those held-back soft chuckles until the day I accidently called him Pi. That awoken emotions and that’s when the downward spiraled begun again. Apparently that was the name Xavier and Xander used to call him. Both of which were no longer part of his life.