Chapter Thirty Four

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I'd managed to fall back asleep again, until the obnoxious creaking of the door woke me up

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I'd managed to fall back asleep again, until the obnoxious creaking of the door woke me up.

Somehow I'd ended up with my feet on the pillow and my head buried under all the covers, so when I woke up to pitch blackness and the feeling of being suffocated, I began to freak out a little.

I tried to jump and roll, but ended up just flopping around like a fish until I finally rolled out of bed and landed on the floor with a thump.

"Meshahs!" I complained, trying to fight my way out of the blanket.

I managed to throw it off of me at last, and when I saw who was waiting in the doorway, my mood plummeted.

"Jacob," I spoke evenly, watching his figure resting against the doorframe. "You, my friend, are the absolute last thing I want to see when I wake up."

"Yeah, well, I'm sorry," He mumbled, walking in and shutting the door behind him.

Immediately, my eyebrows flew up. Did Jacob just apologize to me?

"We need to talk," He said simply.

I pretended to look innocent. "Oh? And what about?"

"Us," He said.

I couldn't help it, I snorted out loud. "Us? There is no us. There's you, and me, but not us."

I'm not sure if imagined it, but a flash of hurt showed on his eyes, but was gone so fast I might have mistaken it.

"What mean to say is that we need to talk about what happened earlier," He corrected.

"There's nothing to talk about. You punched me. End of story," I said in a hard voice.

"Can't you just listen for one minute?" Jacob asked, exasperated.

"Nope," I said, popping the 'P'.

He made a low, annoyed noise in the back of his throat, and said, "Why are you stubborn?"

"Why are you so annoying?" I retorted.

"Annoying? You're insufferable!"

"You're pushy!"

"You're rude!"

"You're a jerk!"

"Your mom's a jerk!"

At that I fell silent.

He noticed my mood change immediately, and quickly tried to correct it.

"I'm sorry, that's just what Carson told me to say when I was loosing an insult battle, and-"

He was cut off by my eyes beginning to water, and I brought my wrist up of wipe them hurriedly.

I hated crying.

But my frustration only made it worse.

Tears flowed freely down my face, and I tried furiously to wipe them away, trying to calm down.

What the heck was the matter with me?

I curled my knees up and hugged them to my chest, putting my head down to hide my red face.

Oh, this was so embarrassing. But I couldn't make myself stop crying.

Jacob was silent throughout all of this, watching.

I raised my head to tell him to leave when suddenly, he reached out and pulled me into his chest.

At the moment, I didn't even care if it was Jacob hugging me, I just needed someone so badly that I clung to him, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt and burying my head into his shoulder.

His arms came around me, a hand gently stroking my back, and he let me cry.

After a few beats, I had calmed down enough to stop crying, and I pulled back just enough to wipe my eyes again.

I was pretty sure I looked like a wreck, and I blew my nose into his shirt.

But he didn't seem to mind. He was still watching me with that calm, comforting expression.

For a while neither of us said anything. Just sat in silence, taking comfort in each other's company.

His hand rubbed comforting circles around my back as I tried to get my breathing under control.

I couldn't even remember the last time I cried.

Then he said, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," I said immediately. "Because talking means opening up and opening up means the walls could come crumbling down, and right now they are the only things holding me up."

His expression softened. "Not necessarily. There's comfort in releasing your burdens."

I could see the logic in that.

The truth was, I had my life together. I was pretty open about most things, and was very expressive. But there was just one thing I had trouble dealing with.

"My mom," I said, my voice surprisingly steady. "I don't know why, but a couple months back she left. She just left. She wrote us a note, saying that she had found someone else, and that she wasn't coming back. I guess I just haven't really been able to get past it yet."

He nodded, encouraging me to keep going, which I did.

"My dad is great, we get along fine. But sometimes I turn to tell her something, and it really hits me that she's gone. I'm sad, I know. Weak."

He gently rubbed a thumb against my cheek, wiping away a tear that threatened to spill. "Just the opposite."

I smiled weakly.

He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry I said that."

I nodded, gulping. "And I'm sorry I blew my nose in your shirt."

The corners of his mouth quirked up, and I felt a small burst of happiness form in my chest.

Maybe I couldn't deal with this very well, but it as nice to get it all out.

Keeping those feelings holed up has made me cranky, I guess.

Actually, I'm probably just naturally cranky, but you get the gist.

We stayed in these positions, both on the floor, me in his arms, and him stroking my back, for longer than I thought I would.

But to be honest, I was the most comforted and safe and warm I'd been in a long time.

I never would have thought I would find solace in Jacob of all people, but now that I had, everything started to feel just the tiniest bit better.

And I could get used to that feeling.

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