So We Had an Affair: A Confessional

In Da Club

I felt like I was on autopilot once Vanessa left. 'Vanessa is having a baby. That means Lin is having a baby. A baby. Am I really going to be a thought with a baby around? With a baby on the way? Ugh, am I really thinking about my place in Lin's life? I don't even belong in his stupid life! I don't want to be in it!' Anthony came and picked me up, but I didn't say much. If he noticed, he didn't mention it but rather dictated the conversation. If you could call my vague grunts to his talking a conversation. We arrived at our destination, but it wasn't where we were supposed to meet the group. I turned to Anthony with a questioning look. He gave me a small smile and motioned me to follow him. We were at a bar. We sat up at the counter where he ordered a beer and two shots. He took the beer and slid both shots my way. I looked at the shots then at Anthony. He looked back at me with a knowing look. I picked up the first shot with hesitance and slammed it back. The liquid burned the back of my throat in the nicest way. I quickly took the second shot chasing the same feeling of the first. Anthony ordered one more shot but didn't let me take it right away.

"What's wrong?" He finally asked me.

"Vanessa, Lin's wife, is pregnant."

"Whoa... You okay?" He slid the shot to me.

"Yeah. At least, I will be." I took the shot.

I danced way too much and way too hard when we got to the club. The rest of the group thought nothing of my actions. I danced with the ladies. I didn't want to think about Lin or Vanessa and their perfect little family. I felt the warm liquid swishing around in my stomach and my brain felt fuzzy. A random guy came up behind me while I was dancing. I let it him. I saw Jasmine throw a worried look towards Anthony, but she kept dancing. Most of the men of the group had stayed of the dancefloor watching our drinks and chatting with each other. Anthony left the group and maneuvered his way through the crowd. He gave the guy behind me a stern look before taking me by the arm.

"Ouch, Ant!" I whined. He said something to Jasmine that I didn't quite catch. She nodded then they fist bumped.

"Hey, let's go get something to drink!" Jasmine shouted over the music while taking me from Anthony.

"Okay, Jazzy!" I followed her to the bar definitely feeling some peach Ciroc.

"I'll get them." She said. I let Jasmine order the drinks. When she handed me a cool glass, I drank it too quickly.

"Jazzy, I don't think that was vodka!" I couldn't understand why I was still yelling even though the bar is not quite as loud at the dancefloor.

"Y/N, I think you're getting drunk." Jasmine said unsure of herself.

"I'm not. I'm maybe a little tipsy." I tried to say a little quieter but was still loud.

"Anthony is going to take you back to the hotel okay?"

"No..." I felt myself about to cry. Jasmine noticed my reaction and took me outside.

"Hey, what's wrong? I know we didn't really get to get to know each other during all of this but you can trust me." The concern dripping from her words sobered me up a little.

"You're right. I should get back to my hotel." I didn't say anything else after it. Anthony took me back to the hotel. When we got to the hotel, he brought me to my room. He stopped in front of my door.

"Drink some water and get some rest." Anthony said. I nodded and turned to go in my room then stopped. Anthony noticed my hesitation. "What's wrong?"

"I can't." I turned to him.

"You can't what?"

"I can't be alone. Not tonight." I reached for him. He let me wrap my arms around him and placed my head on his chest.

"Y/N, I'm not a rebound..."

"Then don't be." I looked up at him. "I can't have Lin. I have to accept it... but you're here and if you'll have me, I'd like a second chance..."

"Y/N..."

"Anthony, you could've used what you know against me. You could've gotten whatever you wanted out of me. How have you used it?"

"I've used it..."

"To hang over my head but your threats have had no weight. You actually care about me. Admit it."

"Y/N, you've been drinking."

"Not enough to go to sleep because you stopped me."

"With the way you drank those shots? You would've drink yourself to death. Someone has to look out for you." I looked him in the eye as his words hung in the air.

"You can regret it in the morning."

"You know I won't." He said as he leaned down to kiss me.