The day is grey,
The storm is coming,
Your heart is ope,
And the wind is piercing through your windows.
And you will get wet,
You will get caught in the storm.
But remember,
Always remember.
Sunshine comes to All,
Who feel a little rain.
Stay strong.
~Rmdrk.
الحام
Elham.
The weekend went by smoothly, well not actually 'smoothly', considering the series of events that had happened. It was already Tuesday and I had never been so unbothered by everything in my life. I had never been so numb, until then. The news of my mother's sickness had broken me beyond what I had even expected and to top it all,I could not help but wonder why Imaan would hide something like that away from me.
I was the only child to my parents, and sometimes, I wished I had siblings. Now, I couldn't help but think of how lonely I was going to be if God forbid, my mother passed away.
Adjusting the straps of my backpack on my shoulder, I took slow steps towards my home. My father was around and I found every little reason to stay away from him. The last thing I wanted was getting hit and injured by my so called father for some petty reason. He took offense in every little thing and overreacted. I could not remember the last time I had had a proper conversation with him, let alone see him smile or better yet, laugh. I mean, no matter how cruel he was to us, he was still my father and the yearning for a loving father ate me up every single day.
Saying my Salaam, I stepped into the house with my eyes on the floor, trying to avoid any eye contact with both parents just in case they were around. Hurriedly, I made my way upstairs but before I could, my mom stopped me stop.
"Elham, wait" she said, her voice sounding so weak. I wanted to run and hug her and to assure her that everything was going to be fine. But I stopped right in my tracks, not even turning to look at her.
"You don't have to do this to yourself. I'm sorry for keeping something like this away from you but I was only thinking about how it was going to affect you. But I'm sorry. You don't have to talk to me, but stop starving yourself at least"
I simply nodded and before she could say more, I rushed upstairs. I couldn't even understand if I was avoiding her because I was hurt that she kept it away from me or if I was just scared to face her, to face the plain ,scary and bitter truth.
I sighed realizing I had to meet up with Asaad in a few minutes so I took a quick shower, prayed and made my way downstairs.
"Uhh. I'm just gonna head to the library" I said awkwardly. My dad wasn't around apparently and I was in a hurry to leave before he was back.
"Don't you think you should eat at least?" She questioned as I walked towards the front door.
I wanted to agree to it. I was starving as a matter of fact. But I really did not have the appetite to eat. I just needed to be away from everything for some time.
I turned to look at her. She was getting pale, loosing weight, and forming bags under her eyes. My heart broke as I realized she was going through this the whole time and I did not even notice until now.
I pressed my lips into a tight smile. "I'm not hungry"
And then I left.
***
The weather was slightly cold and thankfully, I had remembered to put on a hoodie before leaving the house. I took short steps as I headed to the school library.
Avoiding my mother wasn't the best thing to do and it was killing me but I guess I was too scared to face her. I just couldn't. I was confused and fearful.
