I was a bit dazed and confused. I thought I had just heard him say he was ready. After so many months of me teasing him and trying to get him to take the next step, it was was finally time. My heading was spinning. It was spinning with excitement, with anticipation, and mostly, with fear.
He pulled me close and kissed me with so much passion that I thought my heart might explode. Breathless, I managed to get out the words that were screaming in my head.
"Jake, I am scared," I whispered. He pulled away, breathless himself and looked at me with confusion on his face.
"What are you scared of baby?"
I wanted to kick myself, I had been waiting on that moment forever and now the time had finally come, I couldn't seem to shut my mouth. How could I though? So many thoughts were racing through my mind and I had to get them out. My body ached for him but my mind was frozen with fear.
"You have been with so many girls, and I have never been with anyone, EVER. I'm scared I will just be a disappointment to you," I explained. Before he could even answer me, I continued. My breathing was becoming quicker now, but not from desire. I was practically hyperventilating from the thought of what was about to happen.
"You have probably been with some gorgeous girls, I cannot compare to that Jake," I said, my words becoming more hurried.
He just leaned on his side gave me time to get it all out. Propped up on his right arm, he caressed my arm, trying to calm me. He remained silent while I had my moment of hysteria, patiently waiting for his chance to respond. I continued vomiting out of my mouth, the words just would not stop.
"And do you know that I heard, once two people have sex, their souls are forever joined? They each take part of each other and they are never the same after, " I blurted out.
At that point I was just embarrassing myself so I began to force myself to take deep breaths in and out and focus on Jake's fingers. They were gently rubbing up and down my arm. His touch sent chills down my spine, even mid panic attack. When he was certain that I was done freaking out, he finally responded.
He grabbed my face, and gently tilted it towards him, "Are you finished?"
I did not dare utter a word, just nodded my head up and down, looking at him with shame-filled eyes. Inside, I was hoping he would not think I was absolutely insane and somehow still find me attractive after my little episode.
He nodded his head in sync with mine, a sweet smile spread across his face as he said, "Good, mine turn then." I took in a deep breath, uncertain of what he was about to say or how he would react.
"I love you, you know that right?" he started. Again, I shook my head in agreement, determined to stay quiet and let him talk.
"Good, that's what's most important, now for everything else. First of all, yes, I have been with a lot of other girls, you know that. But you are wrong Sky, the problem is not that you can't compare to them. They could never compare to you," he said so sincerely that I could feel my heart melting with each word. He peered into my eyes, into my soul the entire time he was speaking and, I could not look away.
"Sky, one touch from you is worth a thousand one night stands, your inexperience makes you even more beautiful, not less." My love for this man was growing with every word he spoke.
"And as far as being a disappointment, there is nothing you could ever do that would disappoint me. Just the touch of your skin is enough for me Sky. You don't have to do a thing, just your presence will make this the most amazing experience I have ever had." I just stared at him in amazement, how did he know every word to say to soothe me?
"And as far as our souls being joined forever, baby my soul has been joined with yours since the first time I kissed you. I knew you were mine and I would never let you go. You do have a piece of me and you always will."
When he finished that sentence, I leaned up, grabbed him around his neck and pulled him to me kissing him with all of the love I had in me. I wanted him to feel how much he meant to me, to know that I was completely and hopelessly in love with him, that I was ready for this.
He kissed me back with passion matching my own. With his words of affirmation filling me with confidence that I had never had before, I pulled myself away from him, resting on my knees. I grabbed the bottom of my shirt and slowly pulled it over my head, never pulling my gaze away from his. After taking a moment to soak in the sight before him, he sat up and pulled me into his arms.
"I'm scared to," he whispered into the crook of my neck.
"Why?" I whispered back.
"Because, I have wanted you for so long that having all of you might just make me lose my mind."
The next morning, I woke up with my body intertwined with Jake's. My legs were draped over his and my arm and face rested on his chest. I let myself melt into him and listened to his heartbeat as long as I could, soaking in every beat until he woke.
He gently kissed my forehead, "Morning gorgeous," he said so sweetly.
"Morning handsome," I replied.
"I want you to know that last night was the best night of my life."
I looked up at him, "Do you mean that?"
"Baby, what we did last night was amazing and I have never felt that way before, EVER," he said putting extra emphasis on the last words so that it would sink into my thick skull.
"I only ever wanted to be with one man for my entire life," I admitted to him.
"Good, because if you think I am letting you go after last night, you have lost your mind." I snuck a quick kiss and laid back on his chest.
"You sure about that, now that you have shown me the ropes I might just have to do a little experimenting?" I said jokingly.
He pulled my face toward him, "Sky, you are mine and mine alone, no-one will ever touch you like that, it's only me, understand?"
Those words came out seriously, forcefully and I knew that he meant them.
******
A/N
Well, I hope you liked this chapter. I was apprehensive about writing it because it is such a touchy subject. In the end I just tried to focus in on the real fears and emotions a girl might be feeling in that moment. If you enjoyed it, please remember to vote and thank you for continuing on this journey with Sky and Jake.
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HIS BEAUTIFUL SECRET (completed)
Romance***COMPLETED*** Sky's home life was a little piece of hell on earth. She often had to fight past the pain, but she always found a way to become stronger. When Jake came into her life, he changed everything. She knew from the start that theirs would...
