Two Violins, One Love, BAE

Chapter 11 Stick it wings, and it still won't fly: chā chì nán fēi!

( 插翅难飞 )

The sun was setting and the first lights appeared on the edges of the runways. Brett looked down inside the cardboard box. There was still half of his Kung Pao chicken left. He poked it with his chopsticks, but it'd gone cold. He wasn't hungry anyway. All that day-dreaming... Brett shook his head as if to clear it, but all the memories from their life together, one by one, kept shining up like the landing lights outside the window.

He checked his phone even though it hadn't vibrated. No reply from Eddy yet, of course. He knew that. How long now? Half an hour before his plane would land? If no other delays were announced...

He sighed, closed the box, and got up to look for a bin. He'd only made a few steps when something pink and gold rammed into his legs. "wheee-eee-eeey...!!!!" it said.

Brett jumped with the impact. A little girl in a pink coat was spinning like a top, and making an uncertain trajectory towards her parents who waited for her some ten steps away. She took no notice of him even though the crash had thrown her off course. She was concentrating on her progress, arms flung wide with the spin. Her long blond hair swished around her, and her face was both focus and ecstasy.

Brett grinned at the parents. He observed their kind smile as they all watched the little girl, and his eyes filled up. He didn't know why. He didn't know whether it was their loving patience for the dance, the dream of the child, or because she was so absorbed, and he yearned for her capacity to abandon herself. Or because she reminded him of someone else who could do that too – be playful, surrender all self-consciousness, and embody the music that sang in his head, as if all of it was just pure, spontaneous intention. And all the while wearing a tangled yellow wig.

He turned away quickly before anyone would see he was choking up.

What if, you know, time moves on, and... he became nothing more to Eddy than he was to the little girl? A momentary collusion while Eddy carried on orbiting away on his own, brilliant, trajectory?

Brett knew his behaviour just sucked sometimes. But they'd never spoken of themselves as in a re-... a rela-... oh, damn it, they never used that word! Brett was happy to just surf along. They played it by ear. They were cool together. They were bros. Who needs more, huh?

Eddy was full of ideas he'd said, and new friends from the US no doubt. New musician friends. New commitments. Maybe friends who liked to stay in, and talk about stuff like feelings. Maybe Eddy and his new friends had discussed new shows together. While he stayed in Brisbane...

Brett sat back on his bench by the window. He was losing his grip. His daydreaming was out of control. That's the reason he believed in practice. Practice gives you focus. All pain vanishes. You're in the zone.

You just do it! Ling Ling does it!

Come on! I ride the wind and cleave the waves, as mum would say. "Chéng fēng pò làng!" It came out of his mouth, and he turned round to see if anyone had overheard him. Shit, man, get a grip. Sit up straight. He closed his eyes and tried singing the Gigue in his head again. "C#, E, F, G, A, E, D, C#, B, A..."

B, A, E ... and then what? D? G?

Brett rested his elbows on his knees and looked down between his feet. He wasn't always the best he could've been with Eddy. One month - and two days - alone, and... there was no cheat way out of this one. Chā chì nán fēi, as his mum would also say. No escape... from his memory.

Where was his mind taking him now?... his birthday... Taiwan...

***

"Surprise!" Eddy shouted. And he showed him the two flights confirmation in his inbox. "For your birthday."

Brett was not very surprised because Eddy had dropped so many hints during the last two weeks, but he was really happy and excited. "Is that my present?" he asked.

"Yeah, man. Or would you still prefer a viola...? Oh my God, you do! you do! You wanted a viola for your birthday!"

Brett pretended to be offended and sulky.

"So?" Eddy asked.

They were sitting in front of Eddy's laptop and Brett leaned his head against his friend's shoulder. "Thanks," he said. "That's a great present. You know I love going back to Taiwan. It'll always be home."

"And it's for me too, now. For both of us. Don't forget. I feel great there."

*

Things started going wrong the very next day, even though Brett would have denied it at the time. Eddy had gone to Animato Strings to exchange a kidney for two sets of Evah Pirazzi, and Brett was waiting for him at Yellowish. He was taking the first sip of his single origin americano, when two friends, Xiang and Yanis, walked in the coffee shop, saw him and sat down at his table.

When Eddy arrived ten minutes later clutching his new sets of strings and minus a kidney, Brett, Xiang and Yanis were looking up flats in Taipei on Brett's phone.

"Eddy, come and look at this," Brett said. "We could get a really big flat among all of us in Taipei that week."

"Oh, hi," Eddy replied. "Are you guys coming as well?"

Brett rushed to answer. He'd already picked something up from Eddy's tone of voice, and he wanted to block it out. "Brilliant, isn't it? We can spend the whole week together, catch up with some old friends of mine Xiang knows as well. It's so cheap to get a flat together."

Eddy didn't reply. Only Brett saw the expression in his eyes.

"That one's all right," Xiang said, scrolling Brett's phone, "it's big enough for all of us and Ayaan, and maybe Hyuk. He's just texted he might come if he can bring his friend."

"It's a bit far from the best night clubs in town," Yanis said.

"Never mind, guys, let's go for it. It's near an MRT stop. And there's always taxis. What more do we want?" Brett asked. He was thrilled. He loved to party in Taipei. And going clubbing with a posse of friends was the best he could wish for on his birthday. As long as he ignored Eddy's face sitting next to him.

"And guess who else's going to be in town that week?" Xiang asked. And as that was not a real question he answered it himself, "Ray Chen!"

"Ray! Wow. That's so cool! Isn't it, Eddy?" Brett turned to look at him.

"That's great," Eddy replied. But Brett could read him, and there was nothing happy in his eyes.