The Tales of a Future Hockey Wife

Chapter 60: NHL Entry Draft

~Ben~

I don't know why they call it the NHL Entry Draft since you can be drafted into so much more than the NHL once the event is over. There's the European Leagues, the KHL which is the Russian one, etc. Once the NHL have announced their picks, all of the other leagues bet on the unchosen players. Everything will be settled in the next couple of days. The draft has seven rounds in which several players from all around the world are chosen. Each year, as tradition wants it, the whole team gets together to watch the draft on a big screen. Last year, one of our defense players got drafted to the Vegas Golden Knights and we were all there to celebrate with him. It was one of the happiest days of his life, and he got to celebrate it with all his teammates. That's what I want to happen to me, so even if it killed me to leave Eleanor and Ophelia at home this morning, I came to the viewing at the arena.

We are all sitting in the bleachers waiting for it to start. To some people, it might be boring to watch, but when you know how everyone who has their name called out feels, you can't get your eyes to look away from the screen. In the fifth round, the last of the first day, Logan MacDonald who happens to be sitting right next to me tenses up as his name appears on the screen. The words Florida Panthers are written in bold black letters beside is name. I grab his shoulders to shake him. We've been playing together for three years now; he feels like a brother.

"You made it, bro, congrats," I say. He shakes his head, and I see tears from in his eyes.

"You'll make it too, Benji. Don't worry." The fact that he still finds the time to think about reassuring me in a time like this shows how good he is. He's one of the few guys I can honestly say is my friend. I'll definitely miss Logan.

I came back to the apartment frowning. The best scenario would have been to be drafted on the first day, but that's not what happened. El was feeding Ophelia and seeing them made me forget about what didn't happen today. I still have tomorrow, Eleanor made sure to remind me of that fact. I get a call from my agent telling me I shouldn't worry just as I was about to go to bed. I wanted to tell him to go to hell, I never liked him anyway. I can't say I sleep much in between diaper changes and feedings and me being nervous about every sounds Ophelia makes, but I am used to not sleeping much so that's ok.

I arrive back at the arena the next day convinced that today is the day. I think it's called intuition. I am certain that something good will happen to me today. I stayed convinced until the selection from the seventh round popped up on the screen and I saw that my name wasn't on it. I looked very carefully. My heart stops as the list disappears. I can't hear my teammates telling me that they're stupid for not taking me, I can't feel their hands on my shoulders, and I can't speak. It's as if someone had taken my heart and lifted it all the way up to space only to let it fall down causing it to shatter in a million pieces. The glass of the window representing my love for hockey is unfixable. The wood from the frame has been burning for too long for anyone to have hope to repair it. There's no going back, I don't want to stay with the Spitfires for another year, I am ready to move on.

I don't find the strength to move until my phone rings. I look around me only to notice that everyone is gone. I struggle to get my phone out of my back pocket. When I see my agent's name flash on the screen, I almost throw my phone on the ice, so it feels just the way I do, broken. I refrain myself when I remember that I don't have the money to buy a new one. I let it go to voicemail. I'll have Eleanor listen to it when I get home, I am not in the mood to find solutions right now. I sit in the bleachers until the lights turn off.

I know she knows the second I walk into the apartment. Ophelia is safely swaddled in a pink blanket and tucked in her crib. Eleanor gives me a small smile that I cannot bring myself to reciprocate. I just stay in the doorway, shaking my head. She walks up to me and wraps her arms around my waist. I still can't feel anything but the pain and rejection but having her close to me reminds me that I haven't lost everything today. I still have them. I just hope I am still enough for Eleanor to stay with me.