Where Reason Fades

Chapter 14

A week later, Gwen, Gwaine and Laneclot stood in Merlin's office peering into his room, where he lay supine in the bed he had been in since his return to Tintagel. On his return to the planet, he had landed the craft and walked straight to his office, not staying a word to anyone, trailed by a large black cloud that had loitered around for days before disapating.

"Merlin," Gwen called gently from the doorway, Merlin raised his head to glance at her with glazed eyes.

"Merlin, honey, we're worried about you." Gwen slowly walked into his bedroom.

"We know the Princess has done a number on you, but you need to look after yourself," Gwaine explained softly, a tabby cat weaving round his legs. He bent down to stoke her, before scooping her into his arms and unceremoniously placing her on Merlin's bed. Despite himself, Merlin smiled weakly, and scratched her tabby chin.

"I'm fine." Merin said to the room, the three others shared unconvinced glances.

"No you're not" insisted Gwen in a motherly tone.

"At least tell us what happened" Gwaine said. Merlin groaned and buried his head in his pillow.

"Merlin." Gwen said as sternly as she could.

"He knows." replied Merlin, his voice muffled through the pillow.

"Oh Merlin..." Gwen sighed, rubbing her hand along his back in a comforitng gesture.

"He knows and he's going to-he's going to-" Merlin lifted his head from the pilow to speak, before sinking it back down in dispair. The silence hung between them for a fragile moment. When Merlin suddenly sprung from the bed and started pacing wildly, running his hands through his hair as he went.

"I'm going to die Gwen! That's what he does! He'll tell the ing and then he'll send someone for me and I'll die! I should leave because they'll just come and destroy everything and everyone and I can't let that happen, Gwen! I can't let them come and-and" He sunk to the floor by Gwen's feet, crying fat tears.

"Merlin, calm down. Breathe. Nothing's going to happen. He's not done anything yet, has he?" she bent down and placed her hands on his elbows, pulling him up.

"That doesnt mean-" he started.

"Arthur wouldn't." she insisted quickly.

"You didn't see him, Gwen" Merlin protested, in sullen panic.

"He wouldn't." she insisted more forcefully this time.

"I just...I feel like he's gutted me. I'm just..." Merlin floundered for the words, stepping back from Gwen's embrace and flapping his hand uselessly.

"What am I going to do?" he asked in a small voice. Gwen smiled a sad smile.

"You're going to do what you always do. You're going to get up, and go out there and help people." She said simply.

"But what if-" Merlin started.

"No. Nothing is going to happen. You're safe, and people need you." She cut him off, not wanting him to wallow in his doubts. Merlin sighed resignedly: he knew Gwen was right. With a small gesture of thanks, he turned to the door and headed out towards the orphans' camp, determined to get on with hulping people.

----

It wasn't Merlin's fault, really; he'd been looking for historic inventory records and had accidentally opened up the sattellite timetable, then accidentally looked at it until he discovered the sattelite was currently in range. He really should try and talk to Arthur, even if he wouldn't listen, if he could just talk at him it would be enough. Then he could sya he'd done all he could to repair the resonant crevice that had appeared between them, severing their ties in ratty, moulting ends and rending the earth asunder.