White As A Lie

16: Darker

I didn't get any sleep that night. Or for the next week. Or the next.

It was now April 12th, Easter Sunday. I had twelve more days until the bank was going to kick me out of my home. Heaven knows I didn't have the money.

I had tried to apply to multiple new jobs, but I didn't get any of them. Some wouldn't even let me have an interview, others rejected me at the interview. Three months after I was accused of murder and they still won't let me work.

I sat on the bench in the park, debating whether or not I wanted to spend the only money in my pocket on lunch.

I got a lot of strange looks from people. Maybe because I looked haggard and hungry. Maybe because they recognized me from all the attention I've been getting.

If I wanted money so I could continue living in my own house, I would need to get a very, very, very high quality job right now.

Either that, or steal the money.

No, I wasn't going to do that again.

Crystal sat next to me suddenly. "Hello, Nolan." She said. "How are you?"

I looked over at her. "Okay, I guess." I sighed. "I'm about to lose my house."

"What?"

"If I don't pay the bank by the 24th, they're kicking me out." I looked up at the clouds in the sky. "I don't have anywhere near enough money."

Crystal looked at me sympathetically. "Are you sure you have no family members that can help?"

I shook my head. "I guess I haven't tried my dad...but he wouldn't help."

"Nolan, he probably would if you just explained."

I scoffed. "No, he'd tell me to help myself. You don't know him."

"He's your father. Surely he'd help. You're so desperate-"

"Exactly. He's constantly complaining about anyone who asks their parents for money." I slumped further into the bench.

"Well, I was kinda hoping you'd be here." Crystal said.

I quickly looked at her. "Why?"

She sighed. "You're a good man, Nolan." Each word was a dagger in me. "You don't deserve what life is throwing at you." She reached into her maroon jacket and pulled out an envelope. "Here." She handed it over.

"What's this?" I asked, opening it. I looked back at her once I saw what was inside. "No." I tried giving it back. "I can't-"

"Please. It's the least I could do." She wouldn't take it back. "I'm sorry I thought you killed your wife. You're a sweet man. You would never do such a thing."

Jesus, it's like she knew I really did do such a thing and she's testing me.

"Crystal, I don't deserve this..." I looked back at the money inside the envelope.

"It's not much. But hopefully it'll help pay for your house."

And that's "not much" to you?

"Crystal, I don't know what to say..." I looked at her. "Thank you."

She shrugged. "I don't need as much money I have now. Don't feel bad."

Boy, did I feel bad. I kill her husband and she gives me money? I couldn't possibly keep this. But I would like lunch...

"Are you doing anything this weekend?" Crystal asked.

I shook my head. "Not a thing."

"I was just wondering if you'd like to come over for dinner."

My heart started pounding. Return to the scene of the crime? I don't think I could. But when I looked back up at Crystal's sad, lonely expression, I had to accept.

"Great. We're having spaghetti." She left.

***
On April 18th, I went back to Crystal's house. I knew as soon as she opened the door, I'd start to feel guilty and uncomfortable.

I was right.

"Food's almost ready. Make yourself at home." I walked in and sat on the couch.

For some reason, I half expected Alton to come in, say hello, and head back to the kitchen to check on the food with his Kiss the chef apron on. He never did.

Instead Crystal came out saying dinner was ready with the apron on. It was strange: like Alton was just erased.

"Looks delicious." I said as she brought me a plate full.

"Thanks. I haven't been the best at cooking, that was Alton's specialty." I looked down awkwardly as it grew silent for a second. "But I've really gotten better."

I took a bite and swallowed. "Very good." But my taste buds were numb. I kept thinking I shouldn't be here. I kept thinking I should tell her. I should fess up to someone, anyone!

"...want water?"

"Huh?" I didn't even realize she was talking

"I asked if you wanted water."

"Oh. Yes, please." I didn't care. I probably won't even finish this. I felt sick. Bile was rising in my throat.

"Hey, are you okay?" She asked as she sat down my glass of water. "You look sick."

I grabbed the water and took two big gulps. "I'm fine." I said after swallowing. "Crystal... there's something I need to tell you..."

She leaned forward. "Yes?"

"I...I..." I couldn't do it. Just over Crystal's shoulder was where I stabbed Alton. The whole thing replayed inside my head, and I felt like I could throw up.

"Are you sure you're okay? Is it the spaghetti? Did I give you food poisoning?!" Her voice was starting to echo. I glanced down at my spaghetti, but it just looked like a large pile of blood and intestines. I stood up and ran to the bathroom. "Nolan?" Crystal called after me.

I wasn't sure what was wrong with me exactly. Panic attack? Guilt? Maybe it really was food poisoning. I lifted the toilet seat and waited to throw up, but I never did.

"You okay?" Crystal asked through the door.

I was breathing hard as I sat against the cool wall. "Just dizzy."

"Do you need me to call anybody? Do you need to go to the doctor?"

My breathing began to slow. "No. It's alright." I got up and nearly fell over again. I steadied myself by leaning against the sink. "I think I just overdid it or something." I managed to walk to the door and open it up. "Thank you for a wonderful evening." I said before letting myself out.