Fantasy Flashes

There are Fairies in My Kitchen!

My kitchen has been taken over by pests, little flying fiends that gnaw on my newly bought bread. Devils they are, meddling with their pixie dust and sparkly things. These creatures aren't the least bit civilised, no far from it in fact. I remember trying to have a conversation with them once, and it did not end well.

'That's it! I am sick and tired of finding sparkles in my dishes, in my cupboards and even in my draws! You're fairies for god's sake, aren't you supposed to be helpful?'

I remember reading about fairies in my storybooks as a child, they were painted as angelic beings who guided maidens and heroes to their deepest desires, granting them wishes to make their dreams come true. But no, that is far from the truth. Fairies are belittling, manipulative and worst of all stubborn creatures. And I was luckily enough to speak to the so called "leader" of this herd of mystical winged creatures.

'You humans believe you are so entitled to the world just because you're tall and fat. Why on earth would we listen to an ugly troll like you? What's the worst you're going to do? Hit me with your boot?'

At that moment, that was exactly what I wanted to do, but the law protected these goddamn fairies because they made the "earth a better place." Did they hell, I'd argue they just created more problems than they solved. But then I thought of plan to be rid of these pests once and for all.

'You know, the man next door asked me about taking care of Gabriel for the weekend'

The leader looked at me and glared, their annoying bell of a voice ready to ring.

'I couldn't give a crap about what the man next door says, we are not moving an inch'

I laughed at that.

'I don't think you quite understand, Gabriel is a Felis Catus'

'A what?'

'A big, fat cat'

I remember how pale the fairies were after that, and within no time my problem was gone.

After all, cats love eating fairies.