Our Little Deadly Secret

Seasons Change, People Do Too.

Halloween night: one of the five holidays out of the year that I hate with a burning passion. And here is why:

First off, The costumes. You have to dress sexy if your single, and sexier if you are with a significant other. And say if you do have a boyfriend, like I do, then you're immediately required to do couples costumes. With the added requirement that, again, you have to look sexy in your part of the costume. Like what is the point of dressing up if you, as a female, are going to be subjected to the cruelty of men's thoughts. What if you're not sexy enough? Or you're revealing too much? One makes you not whorish enough while the other screams "I will sleep with anyone and everyone." And honestly? that is pathetic. It's so degrading. And cruel for men to make their girlfriends get involved in the act of revealing as much of their body as possible to the world. Plus, did i mention that when it gets dark it goes from the nice cool 60 degree weather to barely past 45 degrees? And when your outfit is skimping out on fabric, you feel every inch of that 45, which feels more like 30.

Secondly, let's talk about the candy. Just the fact that most people, if you do decide to go out for halloween and try to get one more year of a childhood, you get ridiculed and questioned. Why are you out here? Aren't you too old to be trick-or-treating? It's none of your business, Karen! Just hand me the candy and move on. Also: what's up with people giving out chocolate? Like I know my chocolate allergy thing is a me problem, but what if someone didn't like chocolate? Can't people offer an alternative? Like not everyone wants to have piles and piles of chocolate at the end of the night. Okay.. maybe I'm kinda exaggerating due to my own jealousy for not being able to consume the delicious treat for years now, but I still think I have a really valid point. Back in middle school, there was a girl in my graduating class of 10 kids who didn't have a chocolate allergy, but instead just flat out hated the taste and texture of chocolate in general. It was also around that time when my allergy started to swing into full- gear and make my life a miserable hell for the next five plus years.

But let's go back to the whole options thing with chocolate and my allergy: when it comes to my allergy, unless I want to end back up in the ER again, I have no choice but to be cautious about. So the real question is do they really expect me to walk to every house and say "Trick-or-treat! By the way, I'm allergic to chocolate. Do you have anything else besides that Hershey's bar to give out?" Do you know how weird that sounds? And how wrong it is to ask someone? At that point, I might as well just put a sign on my back that says kick me because that's what people would do if I asked them such stupid things: they would kick me off their property. And honestly? I wouldn't blame them at all. I would probably do the same thing. OR - hear me out - offer a substitute for those who love candy but either a) don't like chocolate, b) are allergic to chocolate, or c) just not participate. Leave the light at my front door off and just go to bed early. Maybe buy a huge bag of white chocolate candies for me and pig out on them in bed while watching my favourite movie for the 300th time, which, knowing me, would not be an exaggeration. 

Lastly, the scaring. Why do people like horror? What is the point of scaring people.l I can see maybe spooking a little kid for fun. All you have to do is hide in a dark corner and then as they walk by you pop out and say something like "Brahhh!" or "Boo!" or anything along those lines. But, as you can probably guess, I hate horror films, Jump scares, blood, and gore. I mean, back in 8th grade, I passed out in science class in the middle of dissecting a worm. A WORM! The smell of the preservative the worm was encased in to allow such a thing to happen caused me to one minute be coherent and actively involved in the class, but the next minute in the nurses office with two paramedics shouting at me, the nurse holding an icepack to the back of my head, and my parents ripping the teacher a new limb for not contacting any of the parents about the risks of the lesson plan, or at least not asking parents if they consent to their child ripping a dead body apart in the name of science to learn terms in biology. Needless to say, that was the last year that my elementary/middle school ever had dissecting of any kind in their curriculum. Form what I heard, instead, they dissect gummy bears with fake body parts after the whole debacle. It was also rumoured that the rest of the class, thanks to me, didn't have to continue the lesson for the week if they did not want to, and I basically became a hero to my whole class. Because if they had to go a second longer, someone else would have had to fae the same results I did.