My Virtual Darcy 🏆 2021 Wattys Shortlister

8 - Amends

"Kitty, would you please help Lizzy readjust her handkerchief? It is too widely spread; one can only guess the colour of her skin. Mary, dear, do not stay idle on the sofa; it is your elder sisters' place. You can sit behind the pianoforte. Lydia, what are you eating? Is that a candy cane? Where did you even... Oh, Jane, why did you not put on the blue chiffon dress I had the maid prepare for you? It flatters your carnation better than these pink stripes." Mrs. Bennet buzzed around the drawing room, moving a vase here and adding a flower there.

Jane turned to me with a saddened expression before replying, "I am sorry, Mama. I had not realised you meant for me to don it this afternoon."

"Oh, Mr. Bennet! Why did you have to announce our guest's arrival at such a short notice?" Our mother scrambled in her reticule in search of her smelling salts.

Her husband's stare remained on the letter he was writing, showing neither remorse nor contrition. With an exaggerated motion, he dipped his quill into the ink, perhaps taking great pleasure in the prank he had played on his emotive wife.

This morning, at the breakfast table, after Jane and I had a good night's rest back home, he had read a letter announcing the visit of Mr. Collins, his cousin, and heir to Longbourn.

Sweet heavens, the strength of will I had needed to not stuff my mouth with rolls and die choking. I was still mentally exhausted from nurturing Jane back to health in Netherfield, thus not in the mood to meet one of Pride and Prejudice's silliest characters.

Urgh. I couldn't believe I was risking Ms. Favreau's wrath to be paraded like cattle at the fair. I was indulging myself with a game before my Creative Writing class instead of polishing my homework, and for what? For whom?

I stomped my feet at Kitty, attracting a sour look from Mrs. Bennet, that she replaced with a complaisant smile the moment Mr. Collins was introduced to the drawing room.

He was tall, very tall--unless the impression was due to his straight back, raised chin, and rigid countenance. Arms stuck to his side, he bowed down deeply upon entering, his pompous head missing the pedestal table by a hair. "Mr. Collins, at your service."

Lydia stifled a snort, disguising it under a soft cough when Kitty elbowed her.

Mr. Bennet stood up and saluted his relative with way less panache. "Mr. Collins. Mrs. Bennet, Miss Jane, Miss Elizabeth, Miss Mary, Miss Catherine, and Miss Lydia."

The gentlewomen of the room curtseyed at their respective names, earning a stiff and formal bow in return from the young clergyman.

Mrs. Bennet batted her eyes, an agreeable simper still plastered. "Please, Mr. Collins, be seated."

The hands of the mahogany clock on the mantel ticked away the seconds in an absolute silence. Our visitor's gaze wandered on our faces, triggering a slight nod of his head every time we caught his eye. After excruciating minutes of mute greetings, Mr. Collins distributed the first of his unwanted pleasantries.

"Mrs. Bennet, may I compliment you on having so fine a family of daughters? I have heard much of their beauty, but in this instance, fame has fallen short of the truth. I do not doubt you seeing them all in due time well disposed of in marriage."

Disposed of? Incredulity agitated Kitty and Lydia, on the chaise longue they were displayed on. Mr. Bennet's lips twitched, as if he couldn't believe his luck: he would at present be blessed with a new subject of mockery for the two following weeks.

However, his wife was happy enough with the mention of the charm of her spawn, and with a grin so wide I could admire her molars, thanked Mr. Collins. "You are very kind, sir, I am sure; and I wish with all my heart it may prove so, for else they will be destitute enough. Things are settled so oddly."