Misplaced In Time

Chapter 8

Sunlight that shifts and dances as if with merriment. Twin moons that sparkle at some unseen amusement. And laughter that rings through the air seemingly more real than all of reality.

They haunt my dreams. The cause of more pain then I have ever felt before. I can feel it tearing through my heart more keenly than any blade. And yet, it is a pain I would willingly endure for all of eternity just for the opportunity to gaze endlessly upon the sight that both lifts my heart and crushes my soul. I could not have imagined that I would have ever longed for the days when I would wake up screaming from nightmares where all that I hold dear is taken away from me. Nightmares filled with the deaths of my friends and family. For yes, the pain and fear had lingered even after I had been reassured by the presences of those that had died in my dreams. Indeed, it never really dispelled completely, it was always lingering at the corner of my awareness like a shadow without quite enough sunlight to become truly tangible. But still they were much preferred over my new dreams that are filled with such joy and love that my heart is overcome with the wonder of it! But then its over, and I wake up, and I remember.

For no matter how real a dream feels while you are in the midst of it, the moment you wake up reality slammes into you without mercy. And yes the emotions may linger for a while, but reality always proves stronger in the end. And so I now long for the days that I would dream of death and suffering for a short while before waking up to the reality of life. For I much prefer those days to the misery that is dreaming of life and happiness only to wake up to my new reality of hopelessness and death.

For there she is in my dreams, her hair as if sunlight dances around her face and down her back. Her eyes as if twin moons aspied a humorous sight and now sparkle and gleam with the amusement of it. And her laughter as the joyous bubbling of a clear flowing brook in spring.

Annabeth.

My Annabeth. My Annie. My Wise Girl. My love. My life. My world. My Everything.

Gone.

Gone and never coming back. I'll never see her again. What am I going to do without her? What do I have left? How can I go on? How can I possibly take even one more step on the path of life without my Wise Girl by my side?

Forever.

I can feel it. The moment when my heart breaks irreparably and my soul shatters irrevocably.

I have been ignoring the circumstances and consequences of my past for the sake of focusing all my strength and will on what I need to achieve in the past. But now that I am a prisoner in my own mind I have no choice but to confront and accept what happened. Annabeth died. She is no longer among those that live, with whom, it seems, I am cursed to forever remain.

Immortality.

How many people have given up everything, including their own lives and the lives of those around them to attain it? How many lives have been ruined for the search to find this thing that I never wanted and would do anything to get rid of? How many people desire immortality not knowing the curse that it really is? You watch those that you love wither away and succumb to old age or sickness knowing that you will no longer be joining them one day. You live on, scared to allow anyone to get close, to make any kind of connection for fear of the day that you must say goodbye. No, it is not a gift for which I should be gratefull to the Fates. It is a curse that I shall forever despise. And I vow that I will do anything in my power to be freeded from it so that I can once again be with the one that means the world to me. I vow that one day I will be reunited with Annabeth no matter what I must do or what it will cost me. It is that promise to myself that gives me the strength to look to the future and not dwell for all of eternity on the past.