Love Doesn't Exist || H.S

chapter thirty

Emily

Harry pulled up to his house and got out of the car. I did the same and followed after him to the doorstep where he held the door open for me. I mumbled a quick thanks and stepped inside.

Obviously it looked the exact same as it had a few days ago. Everything was in the exact same place except for Harry's guitar I gave him that was now resting on a different part of the couch. 

Unsure of where to go, and what to do, I decided on heading into his living room. I awkwardly stood next to his couch, not wanting to sit down and somehow dirty how perfectly clean and white it was.

"I'm going to get changed. You can help yourself to anything if you're hungry" I turned around to Harry just as he was walking away.

I wasn't the least bit hungry at the moment, but I headed into his kitchen anyway. I looked through his cupboards before finding the one that had his glasses inside. I took one down and filled it with water, although I didn't drink any. I wasn't even thirsty and I was just hoping I could use the water as a distraction.

"So..." I turned back around at Harry's voice to see he had changed out of his red, floral suit and into some black skinny jeans and a white button up instead.

"So..." I repeated, refusing to look up in case it made the room ten times more awkward.

Neither of us said anything else and I lifted my glass up to my mouth, taking a small sip before retreating it back down.

"This is stupid" Harry finally broke the silence and I couldn't help but look up to him now. He was still standing in the same spot as to when he came in. I turned around, placing my glass on the counter before facing him once again, still not knowing what to do or say. "Emily would you please say something"

"I don't know what you want me to say Harry" Harry took a step forward, but still kept his distance.

"Anything. Tell me what you're feeling right now. Tell me-"

"You want to know how I'm feeling?" I cut him off, and all of a sudden I felt myself getting angry because it should be pretty clear how I'm feeling. "I'm annoyed. And I'm angry. And you never should have kissed me. If you-"

"Don't say that" Harry was the one to cut me off this time.

"Why not?" I snapped. "We both know it didn't mean anything to you so-"

"No. We both know it did mean something. We both know that that kiss meant a whole lot more then it should have"

"Then why? Why did it feel like that. You don't feel the same way I feel- you never will. So why? Why did it-"

"I don't know!" Harry shouted. I quickly reached down for my ring before Harry's eyes flickered down to it and then back up. Before Harry could say anything else I began walking off.

"Where are you going?" He grabbed my hand to stop me, the feeling of his warm hand on mine sending electrical currents up my arm.

"Home. Obviously coming here was a mistake. You've made it pretty clear that I don't mean anything" I snatched my hand from Harry's grip.

"I never said that" Harry responded.

"No, but you're making it pretty damn clear aren't you? You're not doing anything to fix this and instead your yelling at me. You seem to be able to get past more then just a kiss with one of your models, and obviously I'm nothing in-"

"Don't even finish that sentence"

"Why not? It's true. You've dated models Harry. Models. I'm nothing compared to that. I'm just a boring girl who no one knows" As soon as the words had left my mouth Harry had grabbed my waist and spun me around against the counter.

"Don't say that" Harry repeated through gritted teeth as he placed his hands either side of me on the counter. His eyes flickered over my different features and his eyes softened. He brought his eyes back up to flicker in between my own. "It's not true"

Before I could respond Harry pressed his lips against mine. One of his hands gripped around my waist, pulling me closer towards him as the other found it's way to the back of my neck. I couldn't help but take comfort in the feeling of his cool metal rings against my warm skin once again. I let one of my hands tangle into his soft curls as the other rested against his upper arm.

The kiss was warm and full of emotion. I found myself wanting to stay like this forever. But it ended as soon as it started. Harry quickly pulled away and let his hands fall to his sides.

"I- I can't" He took a step back and my stomach dropped once again. "I'm going for a walk" He turned away before I could respond and made his way towards his door.

"So you're just going to walk away again" I shouted. Harry ignored me and turned the corner to continue his way. I quickly ran forward, turning the corner to follow him before stepping in front of him.

"Emily-"

"No don't Emily me" I snapped. "You don't just get to kiss me and then walk away. Not again" I felt tears begin to prickle in my eyes but I stood my ground and held them back.

"Just leave me alone" Harry pushed past me and continued towards the door. I wheeled around as he opened it and walked out. 

I ran towards the door, following him out before running down his front steps. I grabbed his hand to stop him, forcing him to turn to me.

"Why do you keep doing this?" My voice shook as tears continued threatening to fall. "Don't you understand what it does to me? Don't you-"

"It's just not supposed to mean as much as it does"

"I'm not just talking about our kiss Harry!" I shouted. "I'm talking about you. Why do you keep leaving? You find someway to make me feel something I've never felt and then you just get up and leave" The first tear finally escaped and the next ones followed after. "Why?"

"Because!" Harry snatched his hand from mine, but didn't turn away. "It's not supposed to be real. It's supposed to be some fake feeling that people say they feel but never mean. Love doesn't exist" A tear fell from Harry's eye and I stayed rooted to the spot. I didn't know what to say or what to do. Harry's eyes flickered in between my own and once again the look in his eyes softened. "But when I'm with you. You just- you don't even have to do anything and I feel... I feel something I haven't felt. But it's not supposed to be real Em. Why does it- why does- why?"

Harry brought his thumb up to catch the multiple tears that were falling down my cheeks. He swiped them away and frowned down at me, as though he was trying to understand and make sense of everything.

"Why is it not supposed to exist?" I asked him quietly. Harry looked away but I quickly rested my hands on the side of his face, gently turning his head to look at me again.

"Because he never loved her" Harry's voice broke.

"Who Harry?" His eyes continued to look back and forth between my own.

"Dad" He croaked out. My heart instantly ached for him and I realised just how much this had affected him. "He told Mum he loved her every night and every night she'd say it back. But he never did. It was all a lie and... he left her. He left us all" Harry paused but didn't break eye contact with me this time. "I'm scared" He admitted.

"Scared of love?" I asked softly.

"Scared that you'll leave me like Dad did to Mum. That you won't stay and everything will just be a lie. I'm scared of losing you" My heart ached even more and I instantly wrapped my arms around Harry's neck, pulling him as close as humanly possible. 

"I'm not going anywhere" I whispered. "I promise" Harry's grip around my waist tightened and he pulled away to rest his forehead against mine.

I don't really have much to say right now.