Shadow and Stars

Thirty-Four

When I wake the next morning, the sun is shining through the blinds, and Julian is gone. I groan and turn over to look at the clock. 9:30. I sit up and stretch, squinting to see the calendar across the room.

It's Thursday...he's at school, obviously. Thursday, October 8th.

October 8th. A week until I have to trap and kill my ancestor. A week to figure out not only the logistics of how, but the courage to actually go through with it.

The heaviness of it weighs on me until I force myself out of bed. I can't just lie around here all day; I have to do something productive.

I notice a folded sheet of paper on Julian's desk with my name on it in familiar handwriting.

A smile spreads over my face as I unfold it and read the words written in familiar chicken scratch.

Cam,

Did you know you're the cutest sleeping person on the planet? You probably don't believe me, but it's true. I really hated to leave you. But alas, I had a pre-calculus quiz today, so I couldn't miss school. I promise when I come home, we will call Jerri and see if she has any ideas. I'll try to get out of last period and get home sooner, but no promises.

Feel free to find some clothes to change into. There's food in the kitchen. Help yourself to anything you like, and don't worry; I'll entertain Looney Luna for the day so you don't have to worry about her showing up where she isn't wanted. Not that she's wanted anywhere...anyway, I'll see you soon. Try to have a good day.

I love you.

-Julian

I fold the note and lay it on the desk, my stomach grumbling at the mention of food. I peek outside to make sure there are no cars in the driveway and jog down the stairs to the kitchen. Popping a pastry into the toaster, I lean against the counter as I wait for it to get done.

I have no idea what to do today, and all I can think about is my father...the look on his face after Luna broke his heart will be forever etched into my brain. I want to go to my house and talk to him, but that seems like an unwise idea. Luna could show up at any time, and that would be disastrous.

And what would I say? It's not like I can explain this situation and expect him to believe me. My track record doesn't look so good—cheating on Levi, cheating on the chemistry test, saying horrible things to my friend...telling him I wish he were dead instead of Mom...it just looks like I'm a lying bitch from the outside, and the explanation is truly unbelievable.

The pastry pops out of the toaster, and I put it on a plate, taking it back to Julian's room. Sitting at his desk, I wolf it down, thinking about nothing but making things right with my dad. But how?

Glancing down at the folded note on the desktop, I drop the last bite of strudel onto my plate. That's it.

There's plenty of paper in the desk drawer, and as soon as I find a pen, I am scribbling furiously, choosing my words with care.

Daddy,

I would just tell you this, but I can't even look you in the face after what happened the other day. I just have to tell you that I didn't mean it. You're an amazing father, and I never could've made it through this life without you. I didn't want Mom to die, either...she was perfect, beautiful, and selfless. Everything a mother should be. But of course I didn't want you to die in her place. What a horrific thing to say, and I just wanted to tell you that there is absolutely zero truth to it.

I hope you can forgive me. One day I will be able to explain everything.

I love you.

-Camryn