contagiously In Love

36

I havent spoke to jake nor dylan in the past two days. i know its cruel considering jake is dying but the hurt  i feel isnt even right, i feel like such an idot making his dying wish about my feelings, not even caring that what he did was all for me. it was worng of him trying to make me fall for someone knowing i only wanted him. i felt out of control in the whole situation, like my opion didnt matter, in a way it didnt. 

i must admite though the intensions behind it was kind and caring even romantic but it still wasnt right. my mother said i need to loosen up a bit, remeber how much he loves me in order for me to forget all of this. 

I couldnt stop crying, still cant.

whenever i think about the past or what should of happened all i see is the cancer flashing. i wanted to be by his side through all of this, walk with him agaisnt death but he didnt allow me to, that is the main reason as to why im mad. if i was dying i would want him round me at all times donnt you think spending your last days with people you love is the best thing todo?

ring ring ring ring

"hello?"

"jessica, what are you doing?" tony voice boomed through the phone

"im at home tony why?" i asked

"jake told me what happened, im sorry jess i didnt mean to be part of this its just..."

"i knwo jake wanted it im not mad at you tony im upset at jake" i cut him off

"why? jake didnt realise what he was doing at the time"

"yes he did! he knew what he was doing and it was worng! "i dont know why i was yelling

"dont yell at me, look just go see him jess he doesnt have much time left ya know" his voice cracked with thoes words, i knew tony was regreating everything he must have done to jake.

"tony" i  whispered i could hear the soft sniffles through the phone "its ok ,ok?" one tear escaped my eyes

"i never seen my dad so upset jessica, even my mom is angry, she cant stop crying"

I closed my eyes listening to his soft crys, sarah must be sp upset at this point. i feel her pain even though things between us arent so great. "i dont know what to do " i whispred whiping away the tear the keeps falling from my cheeks

"go see him jess, please "

"ok"

i hang up knowing there isnt much to say, if we were to stay on the line any longer we will losse ourselfs in tears and regreats, i wasnt ready for that, i wasnt ready for any of this. all i wanted was his  smile to wrap me in warmth showing me our future together, i know that isnt possiable at this time but it couldnt hurt to wish right?

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I sit quietly next to jake, watching him sleep. his chest moves up and down agressivly, you could hear the fogginess of his lungs trying to work. his hands are cold due to lack of oxygen.sarah was the 1st to greet me,when she saw me she cried, deep heart aching cry. she didnt say much just  that she has been waiting for me to come, i try to tell her what was going on but with her sobs we both couldnt get much out, jakes dad finally rescued sarah taking her upstirs to sooth her, i can stil hear the faint cries from both of them, jake didnt know how much his life is meant to everybody, after years of thinking nobody loved him was wasted.

jakes eyes start to fluter open and for a second i see the same boy i had fell in love for, the sweet kind gentle boy that was pushed away from the danger. "hi" i whispered