Trapped (A Ticci Toby Story)

Chapter 20- After Life

I wake with an urgency I've felt before.
I couldn't remember where.
I can't remember anything.
Where am I?
I watch a dark figured move from side to side from across the room.
I can't remember how to blink,
So I don't.
I stare half lidded and unmoving until the tears blind me.
I try to remember.
Remember everything up until this point.
A cellar door,
The drag of metal against cement.
A child's deep brown eyes behind muddy, dirty fingers.
Slate gray walls,
A blinding white light.
A weathered face,
wispy white hair,
dead blue eyes.
Yellow nails digging into my skin.
Blood splattered across a dirt floor.
A body in my arms--
The urgency grows and my heart races faster.
--A heavy hand,
The sound of a child's body hitting the floor.
Running,
My bare feet in deep snow.
The darkness under hoodie's eyes,
My blood on rotted teeth,
The crash of ice and a frenzy of bubbles in murky water--

The bright lights around me grow brighter, they over stimulates my eyes--

A white halo behind a small figure.

Angel.

That's all it took.
I jerk up and vomited into a trashcan by my bedside. The urgency I felt dissipates as I expel what little I had in my body.
Forceful and uncontrollable.
It was too much.
It takes every ounce of consciousness I had to keep from falling back into the darkness.
When I am done, and I can breathe, I look up shakily.
Jack, who was once the black figure, watched me from the other side of the room with his empty gaze.
"Im' s'rry." Is all I say, but my voice is wrong.
He turns and grabs something from a cabinet by the sink, leaving behind orange bottles of medicine spread out neatly over the counter.
I lean back in the bed and place a hand over my throat because it felt... Tight?
I force myself to swallow.
It was hard, as if something large was lodged in the way.
I tried to clear my throat, but jack placed his hand over the one holding my neck, stopping me before I had the chance.
"Drink." He says, handing me a small plastic cup.
I do.
Downing the liquid quickly in two hard gulps.
"Where's Masky and Hoodie?" I ask. My voice isn't any better. It comes out breathy and broken as if I had just whispered the words. I hesitate and swallow before trying again.
"Where are they?" No change.
Jack notices this too.
He tilts his head slightly, waiting for me to speak again.
"Did..." I whisper hesitantly. "They leave again?"
I wasn't sure if he was going to answer me.
But if there was ever a time I needed him to answer me, it was now.
"No." He says in his hauntingly cool voice and I feel the tightness in my chest ease with relief.
He writes something down on his clipboard and turns away from me.
He picks his phone off the counter and something in my lap catches my eye.
It was my bad arm.
It was bandaged in a thick, stiff dressing.
One so thick that it felt heavy when I lifted it.
What is this?
I scratch at the hard material that incased my arm.
How did he do this?
I try to bend my fingers, but they wouldn't move.
They were completely unresponsive to my attempts.
Like the night Tom had broken it.
Oh God.
It was broken again.
Burning embers, a sliver table, red and green zip ties, the loud snap of my bone breaking between Tom's hands.
I can't - I can't-I can't do this again, I can't go through this again-
The crushing weight was back in my chest and I gritted my teeth to stop the panicked sounds from escaping my mouth when I tried.
I can't breathe! I need help! I can't breathe!
I clutched my chest and leaned forward, tears already welling up in my eyes
There was a soft click from the door and--
"Toby!" Sally cheered.
She squeezes through and runs across the room. She jumps on me before I had a chance to realize she was here.
"Sally!" Masky scolds behind her.
she already had her arms around me in a tight hug.
"I missed you! I missed you so much! You stupid idiot!"
Sally--
I missed you too.
Her weight was pulled off of me just as quickly as she jumped on me.
Jack holds her against him and she wiggles aggressively.
Masky continues to scold her. "I told you not to come in here!"
"You already got to see him, stupid!" Sally resorts.
This was all to much. I haven't been awake for ten minutes and the voices around me were radiating through my head.
I suck in a breathe burry my chin against my chest.
Don't move, hold yourself together, you're fine. It's fine, please stop, it's fine, help me, I can't breathe!
"Are you alright?" Hoodie asks me, stepping around Masky.
I nod, grossly overwhelmed.
A small sound escapes my lips as I try to breathe regularly.
Sally suddenly goes quiet and my heart thuds rapidly in my chest as I force myself to look her over.
Locks of her brown curls hang in front of her wide, searching green eyes.
Her rose petal lips parted in disbelief.
Her shoulders hunched over jack's arm and her bare feet against his leg.
Sally.
My first friend.
A child, but much bigger than the two children I spent so long holding in my arms, gazes at me as if she didn't recognize me.
My heart drops into my stomach and I can't move.
What have I done?
It was Masky's turn to ask, breaking the silence.
"Toby?"
"... I'm okay." I whisper.
A beat of silence as their eyes shift over me, then to each other, and back to me.
My chest tightens even more and I didn't want to be here anymore.
"Why does he sound like that?" Sally asks.
"Sally." Hoodie hushes.
"But-"
"His vocal cords were damaged." Jack answers smoothly.
"How?" She eyes my throat suspiciously.
Don't think about it.
Don't remember,
Stop please, stop.
I force away the memories of Tom's hands, the ice around us, the blood--
I swallow tightly and look away from her scrutinizing gaze. "Toby?"
"Sally, this isn't the best time." Hoodie puts in softly.
"But I can know! You can tell me! it's alright! Trust me!"
Sally shouts defensively.
"Sally--"
"No, I'm asking Toby!"
My heart sinks and tightness in my throat seems to grow.
She expects me to tell her everything, like I used to. Bonding over the spite that we shared for being kept in the dark all the time.
It was all so trivial now, but I can see in her eyes that it mattered to her still.
It mattered a lot...
But... I couldn't begin to allow those memories to play out. I can't relive those events.
The evidence on my body that it even happened was enough to cause my mind to become frantic.
I couldn't tell her how I was beat down over and over again, the torment, the days and night in crippling fear, what I saw, what I did...
I couldn't go through any of that right now.
I don't think I will ever be able to go through it again.
So... I shake my head numbly and I hurt her so easily.
She clings to Jack, but I don't see her face.
I can't look at her.
She turns her head and buries her face in his shoulder and Jack takes the initiative to take her and leave.
When the door shuts, I am alone with Masky and hoodie.
I let my head drop back against the bed and I squeeze my eyes shut.
I don't bother to wipe the tear away as it travels down my face.
I don't care anymore.
I just wanted to be left alone.
Hoodie mumbles something about slender to Masky and leaves.
I expect masky to follow, but instead I hear him shift and dig something from his pocket.
I open my eyes and find him unfolding a piece of paper.
"We found this while we were out this morning. We thought you would want to know."
I take it from him caustically and turned to page in my hands.
It was torn, the rip slicing the headline in half, as if Masky pulled it from it's source quickly.
Faces trend in black and white, printed text.
A newspaper... and my kids were on it.
"---ADDING TO THE GROWING NUMBER-"
My heart raced as I read on. I read that Jane, Marco, And... Sam we're being treated at the hospital we left them at. They were reunited with their families.
They retold the story, leaving me out of it.
The story goes that Jane fought Cheryl off and escaped with the kids.
They don't know where Tom ran off to.
They were going to be kept together and receive therapy around the clock...
They were going to be okay.
They were all going to be okay...
I breathe a sigh of relief and let my eyes fall closed. The weight that was lifted from my chest eased it's grip from around my lungs.
They were going to be okay...
"Keep going." Masky urged gently.
I turn the paper back to the pictures. Fourteen images of children and teens lined the page.
The youngest being an infant and the oldest bing Jane.
I see Jane's image, Her name and age.
I see Marco and I see Sam... But the name by his image isn't Sam... it's Avery.
Avery Bennett. Age 4.
I let my eyes gloss over Alex's face, but the pain was still there.
Sharp and unforgiving.
I had to close my eyes against the sudden rush of tears that blurred my vision.
I've been suppressing this pain for so long.
I'm so scared to face it.
But I see her face. She isn't on the survivors with the other three.
She's with the long list of found victims.
She was Tom and Cheryl's last casualty... because of me.
She didn't deserve to be glossed over.
I eased my eye open and blinked away the tears.
Alexandria Sniter. Age: 14.
No... No...
My fault.
My hands shake violently as I gaze over the other faces, no longer able to focus on the words.
Jenifer Mikcane. Age: 14
Matthew Frantica. Age: 9
Oliver Sites. Age: 6
Kendlee O'Mally age: 5
Jacob Haxler. Age: 16
Holly Moore. Age: 17
Kevin Hetts. Age: 2
Evan halls. Age: 5
Emma halls. Age: 8
Susie freller. Age: 6 Months.