Trapped (A Ticci Toby Story)

Chapter 13- Self inflicted

I should have seen this coming all along.
After she is gone, my eyes fly open and I am no longer in a haze.
I am awake.
I am aware.
More alert than I've been in months.
Something is wrong.
Danger.
I'm in danger.
We're all in danger.
I instinctively hold the child curled up on my chest and pull myself up.
My eyes search the room for Marco, for Jane.
I find Marco sat against me, pressed against my side, staring down at his toes, his eyes gazing through his thoughts.
Jane was nowhere to be see.
Her absence filled me with a sense of terror that I haven't experienced sine I was first brought here.
Where was she?
Somethings wrong.
Something is very wrong.
My heart is in my throat when I ask;
"Marco--where's Jane?"
Marco's dark eyes land on me, wide, clearly startled by the urgency in my voice.
"Um, Tom took her..." he straightened wearily.
"When?" I pushed.
"Not that long ago..." He shrugged. He must have seen the panic fall over my face because he hurried to ease my fear. "I-I think he's going to make her smell like lemons too, like he made you-- He wasn't mad. He was normal."
He was here.
Tom was in the cell while I slept.
He took her.
Panic held onto my body with an unwavering hold.
He took her away from me while I slept.
Dark thoughts that I've tried so hard to keep down below settled over my mind without mercy.
I can smell the smell of Alex's blood.
See her broken body,
Hear her sobs.
My fault.
Not Jane. Please, not her, not them.
I couldn't breathe.
My chest rose and fell, but the air wasn't entering my body.
Everything was betraying me.
I was slipping into a place I couldn't begin to describe.
A dark place that terrified and consistently haunted me in my dreams.
It wasn't until Sam whimpered in my arms and squirmed against me before I realized how tightly I was clutching onto him.
I was squeezing his small body against me with all the quivering strength my body had to give.
"God--" I whispered, quickly burying my face in his hair tenderly, "I'm so sorry."
I swayed back and forth until he relaxed against me in response, undoubtedly falling back into his feverish sleep.
Time.
Running out of time,
I tried to take a few moments to take control, but I couldn't.
My heart thumped wildly.
My energy radiated in my muscles.
My mind refused to slow.
I needed to move.
To breathe,
To think rationally.
No more time.
Danger.
I feel Marco reached up and pat my head.
"Its okay." he said, sounding more like a plea than a statement. "Jane said so."
I look away from his pleading eyes to the single bed on the other side of the room.
I look down to see the scratchy blacket draped over Sam's shoulders and collected in my lap.
I see that Marco is shivering in the corner of my eye.
Protect them.
Stay sane.
Move.
I quickly gathered Sam into a secure position and stood up.
"What are you doing?" Marco asked nervously.
Move,
Move,
Move.
My panic was growing.
Move!
"Can you keep him warm for me?" I tried to ask in a calm tone.
Marco shook his head no and I gave him a sharp look that stated that I wasn't in the mood to argue with him.
Marco ducked his head slightly "But--im not--!"
I ease Sam onto the squeaky mattress as gingerly as I could manage.
The stubborn child pushes away the blanket and tries to sit up.
"Lay down." I say sternly.
I look towards Marco to tell him to do the same, but before I can speak a loud crash causes us to freeze.
It was too familiar.
We all knew it to be the hatch being thrown open outside.
Angrily,
With hostile intentions.
Dread.
Adrenalin flares inside me and we all seem to move at the same time.
Marco hurries into the bed and pull Sam close to him and I position myself between the threat and the two boys.
The lock is switched on the otherside and I prepare myself for the worst.
Tom, enraged and ready for blood, or Tom drenched in the blood of the person I loved, or Tom carrying her lifeless, battered, body in to hurt us.
Thounds or worst case scenarios crossed my mind, but I wasn't prepared for the outcome.
The invader wasn't Tom.
It was Cheryl.
Red faced and eyes bulging with insanity.
"YOU!" she throws open the door. It slams against the stone wall and bounces back, but she's already in the room, storming towards me. "YOU INSUBORDINATE, BASTARD, CHILD!"
Before I had a chance to regain my composure, she swings something long and brass colored at my head.
I narrowly dodge it and stumble back into the concrete wall behind me.
"WHAT DID YOU DO?" she bellows.
"I--Nothing!" I stammer out trying to rake my brain for something I did to upset her.
She reaches out for me, long nails stretched outwards, but I side step her attempt.
Nothing. Nothing came to mind.
I didn't do anything.
She's insane!
"I don't know what you're talking about!"
I needed to calm her down before this escalated.
Get her away from the boys.
"Cheryl, I would never do anything to upset you!"
"DON'T PATRONIZE ME, BOY! YOUR BLOOD IS ALL OVER MY TELEPHONE!" her shrill voice bounces off the walls, causing my ears to ring.
My breath catches in my throat.
That was it.
I called the proxies.
She knows.
...She knows.
...She's going to kill me.
I'm going to die.

Sally once told me that something happens when you realize you're about to die.

You forget how to live.

I was told over and over again to move when I'm faced with danger by the proxies.
I knew I needed to move,
But I didn't.
I froze.
In that split second, Cheryl finally catches onto me by the collar of my shirt,
And she has me.
She swings the object onto my head and I don't even breathe from the impact.
"I HAVE CARED FOR YOU FOR MONTHS! I HAVE LOOKED THE OTHER WAY AND GAVE YOU A MATE AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ALL MY KIND AND SELFLESS DEEDS? YOU RUINED ME!"
She's screaming at me, but I don't hear anymore.
I am on my hands and knees, mouth gaping.
I am blind.
I am deaf.
And yet, I'm still alive.
I am still alive.
My head swarms, but my thoughts are absent.
All I can do was focus on the soft pressure of the droplets of blood hitting the tops of my hands.
I can feel my body shift and I need to catch myself.
I can't fall over. I can't die. I can't die here.
They were coming...
Don't fall. Stay alive. Don't fall down. Don't fall. Don't fall. Don't fall. Don't fall. Don't fall. Don't fall.... Don't. Fall....
"Stop it!" Marco yelled and I hear his steps fall towards us, stop abruptly and Cheryl's steps scuffle against the cement floor.
I hear her slap him and his body fall onto the floor.
"Don't touch me!" Cheryl snapped.
"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" Marco is yelling back tearfully.
I blink my eyes hard, trying to make the darkness fade from my view.
I hear marco get up again and throw himself at Cheryl again.
Stop, stop, stop, don't touch him, stop.
"Stop!" I groan
I hear her hand contact with his skin again, but he doesn't fall this time.
"Let go of me, you little brat!" she says and smacks him again.
"how dare you! I will not stand for this any longer! You have been a pain in my side for weeks! Look here, boy!" she calls to Sam or me, I wasn't sure. "This will be your punishment if you ever think repeat his actions against me! I am your mother! You will not defy me!"
Marco cries out in such a way that causes my heart to stop and my breaths to come out uneven.
What did she do to him? What did you do?
I hear him scream and cry because he didn't want to go with her.
She's taking him away.
She's going to kill him.
I hear Sam begin to cry I reach out blindly over the floor for the solid surface of the wall.
I blink hard, over and over again.
No, no, no, no!
I find the wall and I finally begin to see my hand run up it's surface.
Streaked red with the droplets gliding down my arm.
Blurry gray, and the shape if Sam.
I lean my weight against the walls hard surface, testing my strength, and pull myself up from the floor.
On my way up, I see the long object that Cheryl had struck me with on the floor.
A dirty, gold painted, candle holder.
I stumble over to it and pick it up.
Its weight hangs heavily at my side as I stumble through the open door.
She left it open.
She left me alive.
She hurt him.
All these mistakes will cost her her life.
I've been waiting for this for so long.