if one of them is dead.

chapter thirty-eight.

Lilith.

"Ms. Snape!"

Pansy waves goodbye and continues to walk down the corridor. I wave to her too before walking over to Professor Slughorn.

"Hello, Professor," I say, smiling as I put my History of Magic textbook in my bag. I stop in front of him.

He smiles and fixes his jacket. "Well, I haven't gotten to speak to you since you got back. I wanted to ask you a quick question." He points his finger in the air and shakes his head before putting his hands in his jacket pockets.

"Oh," I say, pointing to his classroom, "I mean, I have a free period. I'm supposed to go to the library with Pansy to look up this thing, but she'll find it one her own."

"Oh, I don't want to interrupt."

"No, no, it's fine, Professor, really," I insist.

He nods and smiles. "Okay then, come on in." When he starts walking into his classroom, I follow him in. He walks over to his desk and grabs a textbook. "I know that you used to reorganize the potions closet for your father when he was in this position, is that correct?"

"Did my dad tell you that?" I ask, chuckling slightly when I resituate my bag on my shoulder. He smiles nervously. "I mean, yeah, I did. I did it a couple times a month. Why do you ask?"

"Well," he starts, "I was wondering if you could start doing that again. I'm an old man, and I can only do so much. And, well, I don't really trust anyone else on this job. So, I was hoping you could do it for me, just a couple times a month like you used to. There's no pressure, of course."

I adjust my bag again, nodding. "Oh, no, yeah, I'd be happy to, Professor. Do you want me to do it tonight? I'm almost always free at nights." He looks at me weirdly, raising a brow. "I mean, I used to do it at night. And my friends, well, they have been going to sleep relatively early lately. Sleep isn't really on my agenda at the moment."

"And your boyfriend?" he asks, both his brows raising. Why must everyone always ask about him?

"What about him?"

"Well," Slughorn tilts his head, "I used to be a teenager once too. Dating, it seems important when you're a teenager. I mean," he chuckles, "I remember your father. He dated this one girl— oh, what was her name—"

"Professor, with all do respect, I really don't care for my father's old love life." I furrow my brows slightly. "Or his current— Mattheo and I aren't on great terms at the moment. It's— complicated. We just need space— and I'm telling my Potions teacher about my boy problems." I laugh nervously, running a hand through my hair. "Sorry, Professor."

He shakes his head. "No, no, no need to be sorry, Ms. Snape. I would rather you know that you always have someone here to confide in. And, Mr. Riddle, I taught his father, as you know. He seems a lot like his father, just a bit less—"

"Crazy?"

He gives me a warning look. Well, he tries to give me a warning look.

"Sorry."

He studies me for a moment before nodding and handing me the textbook. "Well, you also left this in here the other day during class. I couldn't catch you to give it to you until today."

"Oh, thank you, Professor," I say, grabbing the textbook from him.

He waves me off, walking around his desk before starting to sit down.

I turn to start to leave, putting the textbook in my bag. "I'll clean that closet out tonight."

"Thank you, Lilith."

"Any time, Professor."

☯︎︎

I miss being back in here. On this ladder, with the clipboard and quill on the shelf. Grabbing potion bottle and marking them all down. It gives me a feeling of nostalgia, weirdly.

"Back on the job?"

"I'm getting a wave of deja vu," I say, putting the clipboard back on the shelf as I grab another potion bottle. I refuse to turn around and look at Mattheo leaning against the doorway. "What are you doing here, Mattheo?"

"Thought I'd stop by and keep you company," he says.

"Sure you did." I scratch some words down on the clipboard. "Slughorn asked me to reorganize this, and I couldn't exactly say no. I missed it anyway."

"You always looked good doing it, I must say," he says, and I can almost hear the smirk in his voice. "Though, you used to pull up your sleeves. But now it's different."

"Yeah, well," I say, checking one of the potions, "I don't think I should go around rolling up my sleeves anymore. And there's more to it than a snake and a skull. I'd rather you not see any."

He sighs and I hear the door close, then lock. I turn my head to look at him, and I see him leaning in the door with his arms crossed.

I never was claustrophobic, but he's making me feel that was now.

"Do you think seeing it will make me any more mad about it than I already am?" he asks.

"Mattheo, There's more than the mark. And I don't want you to see any of it. It's—" I turn back around, away from him, "—disappointing."

"Disappointing? What's disappointing, Lilith? Are you disappointed in yourself? Or do you think I am?"

"Look, Mattheo, I know you hate my decision. I hate myself for it too. But I don't understand why we have to keep coming back to it."

"Because it's important, Lilith."

"I know that, Mattheo, okay? I do. I just really wish that we didn't have to talk about it every time we talk. Seriously."

He sighs, and I know he's staring at the side of my head. After a while he says, "Come down here."

I look over at him, up from the clipboard that I grabbed again. "What."

"Come here," he says, nodding to the space in front of him.

I place the board back on the shelf and climb down the ladder after hesitating for a second.

He sighs, not taking his eyes off me. I shift, crossing my arms uncomfortably.

He touches the sides of my face before grabbing them, not harshly but not gently. I have to look at him.

"I love you," he whispers before placing his lips on mine. I take a second to comprehend it because I defined was not expecting that.

My arms wrap around his shoulders, and he presses his back up against the wall. I missed this so much, so that's why I don't stop him.

The electric feel never fails me. Not with him. And I don't think that I wanted this kiss to get heated in a potions closet, but that's besides the point.

I run my hands through his hair, and he bites my lip. His hands go to the buttons of my shirt, and he starts to unbutton the bottom one. I push myself away, breathing hard.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, not looking him in the eye. "I can't do this right now, Mattheo. I just— I'm sorry, I can't. And not in the fucking potions closet."

He shakes his head. "Don't apologize." His voice his soft, but I can tell he's irritated. "Don't ever apologize for that."

I lean against the ladder. "Mattheo—"

"Shhh, just, you don't have to say why. I don't want to do that to you, no matter how mad I am at you. There will never be a day that I will do that to you."

He pauses, then leans against the door again. "Now," he says, smirking slightly, "get your hot ass back up on that damn ladder, so I can remember another reason I love you."