Twenty-Four ♚

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|| HYEWON ||

School is dreadful.

Ever since I kneed Mr. Lim in the groin when he tried to make a move on me, I've been more than aware that he wasn't happy with me.

And of course, he made it quite obvious. My grades started to drop despite nothing in my studying routine changing. I was practically the laughingstock of the class whenever he would ridicule me for not getting his extremely hard questions right. And he never answered the questions that I had despite me raising my hand up for most of the class.

So whenever that school bell rung, indicating the end of the school day, I'm always the first to leave the room. This is sort of funny because I always used to stay behind before. But I'd rather chew on a dirty sock than talk to Mr. Lim ever again, let alone be in the same room with him by myself.

I rush to my locker, eager to grab my textbooks and leave the campus. As my hands shove my books into my bag, I feel something wet dripped down my head and through my uniform. I at first thought it was just the rain beginning to pour, but then I remembered I was still inside.

My hand runs against the cold liquid as I see the brown-coloured substance stained on my hands. I turn around slowly, my body squirming as the disgusting cold mixture runs down my legs and into my mary jane shoes.

My eyes meet the girl in front of mines, who holds a carton of empty chocolate milk over my head. At first, I thought she was some random person. But I slowly started to remember her as the memories of her in the library reach back to me.

Nayoung.

Her smile was bright yet mischievous as she drops the carton on my head. "Oops, sorry." She giggles, watching him pathetically as she steps back away from the puddle of milk on the floor around me.

Behind her remained some girls that I recognized to be notoriously popular in my grade, but weren't in my class. Cynthia was there too, laughing among the other girls about me. But there was one person that also stood there, watching me suffer silently from behind the rest of them.

Hanjin.

She didn't laugh, nor point fingers at me like the rest of the crowd formed around. But she stood there, staring at the ground and pretending as if she didn't know me.

As if we weren't sisters. As if I wouldn't catch a grenade for her. But I was embarrassing to have as a twin, apparently. I no longer felt pity for myself, only anger. Anger that my own blood would let me be treated in a way.

I stare at her for as long as I could before she looked up, pressured to make eye contact with me. Her face remained blank, but it still felt sombre. But her pupils weren't telling me sorry, nor giving me remorse.

Do you feel happy seeing me like this?

My eyes said everything I wanted to say with her. She turns away again, so that's when I decided I was done. I closed my locker, picking up my bag and fleeing the scene.

But my feet didn't drag me home. I flop myself down at a bench near the pond. It wasn't long until the tears started falling down my cheeks and onto my lap. I'm not much of a crier in the first place, but I've been bottling up my feelings and emotions for so long and now they're just all releasing at once.

A bunch of thoughts and memories cross my mind. The day I first met Soobin, when Yeji kissed me, when Taeyoung ditched me, when Soobin came over for dinner... Everything.

I'm so foolish. Look at me, drenched in chocolate milk while sobbing my eyes out like a loser. And for myself to think that maybe there was a chance that not one but two people liked me.

Soobin is with my sister, why would he ever like a girl like me back? There, I said it. I like Soobin, so fucking much. And it hurts knowing that we could've had something but it was all ruined.

Fuck him and the fake signals he sends me. One day, he's acting all flushed and awkward around me, and the next he's letting my sister cling onto his arm as if she's his baby or something.

And Yeji. Fuck the feelings she gives me. Who am I kidding, she probably only snogged me because of pity. I should've never asked her to kiss me that day.

"Hyewon?"

I turn around slowly to meet the eyes of a boy I knew. Once knew. I still couldn't fathom the fact that he looked so different, so mature. And if he was happy with his new style, then I would be too. But every time I look into his eyes I can tell something's not right.

I lift my head away from him. Apart from me didn't want to see that traitor that chose his girlfriend over his best friend. But at the same time, I felt relieved. Relieved to see his face because it's been a couple of months and I've barely seen him around.

"Hi." I let out raspy. My voice ached from pouring my heart out and my nose was stuffy. He sits down next to me, facing forward.

"I saw what happened."

I laugh out loud in self-deprecation. "Everyone did, you're not special."

"Listen, I know we're not close like we used to be. But I still care about you, a lot. And I don't like seeing my so-called girlfriend treat you like that. You deserve better. "Taeyoung says. That's what I've been wanting to hear all this time.

You deserve better.

"The truth is, I only got with Nayoung because I loved the idea of being in a relationship. But soon I realized that we're completely different people. Heck, I'd rather die than wear these clothes that she makes me buy again." He jokes.

"Thanks, Taeyoung," I say. He's always been the only person that can comfort me better than anyone else. I guess that's why we're best friends.

He sighs, and I could already sense what he was going to say next. "Please, can we be friends again? I-I know that was I did makes me a really bad person, but I think we both need each other's presence more than we realize."

I had never thought about it like that. Since Taeyoung's been gone, I no longer had a friend in times of need and despair. "First, I need your help with a dilemma I have."

"Tell me."

A sigh leaves my mouth. "I have a crush on two people. But one of them is my sister's crush and the other... Is a girl. On one hand, I can't betray my sister. But then again I also don't know if I'm lesbian, or maybe bi. Shit, I don't know anything about my sexuality. It's all so confusing."

"And I have a higher chance of getting with the girl since she's single. But I still really like the boy, and I don't know what to do." I say it all super quickly, not even realizing how fast I was speaking until I was done. But I felt a tremendous amount of relief when I was done.

Taeyoung thinks for a moment but finally speaks. "Let me ask you a question, Hyewon. What has  Hanjin ever done for you?"

That question makes me think. At first, I was thinking: What a silly question, she's done everything a sister can do! But when I thought harder, I couldn't name any moments. And I soon realized there were nothing I could say.

"Exactly. Don't feel like you're betraying her by getting with her crush. Hanjin throws you under the bus at any possible time." Taeyoung says. "And for the sexuality part, I say don't think too hard on it. Some people have labels, and some people remain with none. It's up to you what makes you feel right."

"And between the two people, you have crushes on... Which one makes your heart flutter around more? Which one makes you so flustered you can barely speak? It might be a case where you feel obligated to like both of them, or maybe you're just confused about your feelings for one of them."

"Whatever happens, I'll support you no matter what. Just follow your heart, that's all that matters." Taeyoung pats my shoulder, letting my head lean against his arm.

And that was when I realized that Taeyoung, no matter how many fights we get into, will always be a true friend to me.

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