i am so fucking sorry

our little princess

I started thinking about again. we had happy and sad memories with him but we always get through bad things together.
Oh no, don't open that door. My mind playing with me. okay here we go

*Flashback started*

2 years ago, I was pregnant and Robert was so excited about having a baby. he every evening buying some things for our baby; bears, little closets, baby toys etc.
I was very sure he is gonna be an amazing father. he always kisses my tummy and talks with her. yes, it's her. robert calls her "my little princess". Watching him was best thing i've ever seen in my life. his lips was mine safe place i love his lips taste and i was so happy to give a birth of our child.
One day I had to go to my company cuz I should sign some papers as I said, our home far from the city and I should drive there alone cuz Robert was so busy, he didn't want to send me alone but I finally persuaded him. i was so bored at home and driving under trees feels like heaven. Then suddenly a deer run in front of me crossing the road, I panicked
I suddenly hit the brakes and the car rolled over...

3RD PERSON VIEW
the car rolled over and poor woman stuck in the car and i know i shouldn't move her. i immediately called 911 and i reach for her phone and i called someone named of "Robbie <3". This name was on her emergency contact. I called the number and a man picked up
"Hi baby"
"Uhm Sir hello"
"Who are you and what are you doing with my wife's phone?"
"Sir please calm down, the owner of this cellphone, the lady had a accident and we sending her to hospital"
"What? Is she okay? Which hospital? please say nurses she is pregnant" the man's voice cracking and i guess he is her husband

Time Skipped...

MY POV
i opened my eyes at a hospital bed, Robert was here, sleeping. He look so desperate and mess. I remember everything, remembered my baby and i panicked Robert woke up and tried to relax me

"Robert what happened? Is she okay? Please say she is okay please"
my tears keep falling from my eyes and he looked up at me with teary eyes and shook his head, hugged me slowly wanting to not hurt me. I hugged him back and we cried silently.
Our baby was gone for my stupidy. This baby was so important to us cuz Robert trying to be sober for the reason of his life, me, and our baby. his problems are gone. we started a new life but it just didn't work. I and robert always choose a difficult way even we didn't choose. our faith is like this.
"We will get through this too baby please don't cry" he said but he is crying too
" I can't take this anymore Rob, i don't think i can handle this"
"Shh, everything is gonna be okay baby" he kissed my lips

*Flashback over*

I thought all night long and finally sun has risen. I knew i can't sleep and i headed to kitchen make some coffee. I take a sip of my coffee and I entered to living room Robert was there, sitting in dark, smoking. I turn back to my way and he called me i stopped

"Please don't run away from me it bothering me so much please come here"
"Robert this is so hard and you are making it more harder How did you expect me to react? You fucking cheated on me." i turned back again and he said
"I really wanted the baby."

i stopped again. I understand he was thinking about the baby too, I let out a sigh and sit on the couch away from him.

" I thought i will change for my girls but i didn't, you made me better person, y/n you made me who i am today and thank you for the happiest years of my life, you came to my life and i saw colors again, you accepted me with my drug problems, you loved me, took care of me when i trying get out of my problems and my return is cheating on you... im a horrible person y/n Im so sorry. maybe my words meaningless to you but im meaning it please trust me if you still can trust... i'll always love you what i did is a wound for me to rest of my life cuz it made you lose"

he lit another cigaratte, he know what he did and still, he can't look me in the eyes. Robert has a big pride, If he's not proud of what he has done, that thing will kill him from the inside out. I loved his
not annoying but cute arrogant.

my heavy breathes fulling the room and i wanna say something but i can't speak idk why

" Maybe she was going to look just like you. Oh God it would be perfect to have 2 you. She would have been 1.5 years old. trying to walking around." My eyed burning from tears. It was too hard to carry

"Stop. Please." i couldn't breath. I reached for a cigarette and lit it.

1

0 minutes we didn't say anything.

"Do you still love me?" he suddenly asked. I looked at his eyes. Both of us were desperate

"Yes" it sounded like a whisper

"Would you forgive me?"

"No... I don't know"