i am so fucking sorry

goodbye

Robert's POV
She said she still loves me, it hurts so bad. maybe she could have say "I don't love you anymore" it will hurt less. I disgusted with myself

We were still sitting in a silent room full of heavy breathes and thoughts, it was so hard for both of us maybe I should hug her but it could make worse everything. I wanna hug her and I wanna say more thousand times "I'm sorry and I love you" I broke her heart so bad, I don't know what I am supposed to do. I stand up and go next to her. sit beside her. She moved away. I hold her hand

"Would you give me second chance?" I said lower voice it come out like a whisper

"I shouldn't." I shook my head she was right.

MY POV
He asked second chance... I wanna forgive him but I just can't. I always said cheating is unacceptable, broke up, and live your own life but I realize you just can't leave your life.

He is still holding my hand if he didn't cheat I would kiss him and I'd say 'everything is gonna be okay" but my pride doesn't let me.

"Did you love her, Robert?" I had to ask

"She is nothing but I swear you are the woman I fell in love. she used me to get a promotion, I fired her if it will make you feel good"

"Whatever, I don't care"

silent keep growing in the living room, The more I think about it, the more it hurts, I looked at the clock, and it was 8 AM. the storm had stopped. he realize he knew that if he didn't go, I would go. lets out a sigh and started talking,

"I guess this is a goodbye, I'll always love you don't forget this okay? if you need me I'll be there for you"

I just nod couldn't say anything. I cleaned my throat,

"Goodbye Robert, Have a nice life"

The last sentence broke his heart, he doesn't like goodbyes. he headed towards the door slowly and stopped turning to me

"Can I kiss you one last time?"

"No"

"Please"

his eyes begging for one last time kiss. so this is 4 years' goodbye huh? it won't hurt.
I just nodded and without wasting time, his lips captured my dry lips. his warm lips are always enough to make me feel better. slow and full of lust our goodbye kiss.

He pulled away and look me in the eyes. his eyes red and puffy. suddenly he buried his face in my neck. Both of us started crying, it was so hard. 4 fucking years ended cuz he did a terrible mistake. one side saying hold him never let go, one side he cheated on you! what if he does it again how do you plan to trust him again?
I smelled his scent. he is all I have.

I pulled away, his tears made wet my shoulder. this situation is the saddest thing in my life, I've never been like this. I left the room and he took his luggage and left the house when the door made loud noise I sit on the floor. I was dizzy, it's not gonna be easy to get over him.

ROBERT'S POV

I called jimmy to pick me up from home, my car at service as you know. I litted up a cigarette while waiting for jimmy. I smoked with all my might for I wanna die cuz my life is a mess without her. she was my safe place. I am disgusted with myself. finally, jimmy arrived, if he was a little later I would freak out. He stopped the car and I immediately got in the car. he asked with worried eyes,

"Hey what happened dude, are you ok?"

"I'm not. just drive"

he didn't ask more. I sat in silence but my thoughts doesn't let me think straightly. finally, we arrived at Jimmy's house.

"feel at home buddy, I will go to the grocery. I will be back, bye"

I just nodded and go to the fridge to find some beer or alcohol. I need to be drunk, I don't wanna think about what I did to her anymore, it's killing me. I have to go to work but the company is mine so I'm the boss.

Jimmy finally arrived home and he has a bottle of whiskey in his hands. sat beside me and

"I thought you need this but don't drink too much okay?"

"thank you man"

"please tell me whenever you wanna talk about what happened, I am here"

I nodded and I started to explain what did I do to her. Jimmy was in shock cuz he knows how much I love y/n. he was so sure I will not cheat on her.

"Oh man, you screwed up. how is she now?"

"She didn't yell at me just listened and y/n asked how were she and I couldn't answer. I upset her jimmy. she is so strong, she didn't expect this."

"Oh boy" he took a sip of his drink

"I'm not good for her right? I always made mistakes and she forgave me or helped me. we lost our baby, I always had problems. she deserves better than me. when I told her to cheat her she didn't tell anything I thought she will yell or freak out but she didn't, my mature lady, agh I will kill myself" I let out a sigh and shot the whiskey left in my glass.

"Hey dude calm down maybe she will forgive you huh?"

"Even though I won't forgive myself"

~ One Month Later

I'm a complete mess now. All I do is drink and smoke but it became not enough. I called Hank

"Hey Hank," I said in a timid voice cuz I feel uncomfortable

"Wow look at who is it, Robert my old buddy!"
he laughed with a sneaky laugh

"Yeah yeah, it's me... I need it, Hank"

"Are you sure? Please don't let your crazy girlfriend on me" he chuckled and I smiled cuz y/n and he had a fight because he sold me drugs.

"Oh believe me she doesn't care anymore"

"Oh my... I'm sorry man, she and you worked so hard to sober up"

"Will you give me or I should call another drug dealer?"

"Wow you have another drug dealer, I'm hurt Robert, ok meet me at the garage in an hour"

"Alright, bye"