Iris

19 | fear

     REALITY CRUMBLED and I found myself getting crushed beneath its heaviness; its high walls rapidly shattered into tiny fragments and scattered across the floor while their sharp corners blended along with the horrific images from my past and pierced my skin. They dug so deeply into my flesh and made their way to my chest, reconstructing all over again. They surrounded my heart with heavy bricks of agony and my lungs with heavier ones of suffocation.

My heartbeats were painful against my ribcage. Excruciating, even. They were no more than a burden clutching onto my heart, their sound deafening to my ears. Loud and piercing. Powerful as they sank into my mind and surrounded it. And merciless as they disregarded my silent plea for them to lessen the intensity of the pain they had resulted in.  

Every breath I took was a waste. Either getting squeezed out of my lungs as soon as it would succeed in breaking into them or getting trapped within the high walls that had inhabited my entire chest. Screaming as loudly and as desperately as ever, asking to reach any organ of mine. To carry its function the way my mind had commanded it to do. 

Shivers of fear crawled against my skin; they crept to every corner of my trembling figure and swallowed my entire body within their petrifying embrace. They held me so tightly and tethered me to the seat I had taken. They paralyzed every organ of mine and forbade me from moving when all I ever wanted was to run away from everything and to hide from my past. To avoid processing the collision it had created upon crossing paths with my present. 

My head rested against the frigid window and my eyes scanned over the cars speeding by our sides. The trees we passed by danced along with the wind, their leaves swaying back and forth to the pattering of rain. Puddles were scattered across the streets, dark clouds reflected against their surfaces. Walking figures flashed behind the glass and I held my breath whenever I grasped onto any of their features, fearing to see that their owner is one of the people who had hurt me. 

My chest heaved. The bricks it shielded crumbled with every inhale and reconstructed with every exhale. My heart hurt so badly and my nails dug into my flesh, their attempts to distract my thoughts and to draw my attention towards the pain they had resulted in a miserable failure. Burning liquid trickled over my open palm and crimson stained the white hoodie I had worn.  

When the images grew wilder, I pierced my nails further into my skin. Tears instantly brimmed within the corners of my eyes, perhaps as a result of the events that took place earlier or the pain my action had resulted in. A low whimper broke past my lips, its sound almost deafening as it muffled along with the silence and filled my ears. 

"I promise it's alright, Iris." A warm hand engulfed my smaller one and uncurled my fingers from the tight fist they had balled into, making sure not to let my nails cause any more harm to my skin. Nolan's arm circled my shoulders and I couldn't help but flinch away from the sudden touch, curling further to myself in the corner of the car and pulling my legs to my chest, wrapping my arms tightly around them the way I had always done when hiding away from James' gaze.