16: My Wild Dream

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The asphalt crunches and blurs underneath the tires as I hold onto Bones, careful with my bandaged fingers

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The asphalt crunches and blurs underneath the tires as I hold onto Bones, careful with my bandaged fingers. My cheek lays against his back and the clunky helmet is a little uncomfortable as I look back as if Sunny Valley would still be behind us.

But it's not.

We are only an hour from home and my new friends are now six hours away. This hurt more than I had expected. There is so much that haunts me but also a lot that I'll miss. After I had gotten out of the hospital I had learned all the remaining Silencers had been taken into custody, there empire collapsed, and me finally free to go back to my family in Kentucky.

I was sitting on the couch at the house, trying to figure out when to go home. My car had been found but was in bad shape so I couldn't drive home. That's when Bones came up to me, keys spinning in a rhythmic beat, making the metal chime in the air as he said, "Wanna get out of this town?"

There was not an ounce of hesitation as I hopped on his bike, ready for home and for him to meet Addie. Adonis kept my car and would drive it up when they come in a couple of weeks to visit. He had to stay back and make sure everything was settled and that nothing slipped past the radar.

There had been a lot of crying between Georgie and me. It was hard to part with her and Adonis, much harder than I had anticipated. All of the Salvation MC had been there to say goodbye, people I grew to love in a short time. TreeTrunk even gave me a hug and I will savor that memory forever.

Tears prick at my eyes as the wind roars around me.

My arms tighten around Bones as we go at a steady pace. My trust in him escalates as I realize how busy his hands and feet have to be to operate the metal vehicle. The sun is bright and beaming down as we travel the long stretch of the highway. This vast space is practically empty and my favorite part to drive through. The rays catch on the bike, shining beautifully, and I let out a relaxed sigh. There's such a physical and emotional pleasure as we rumble and glide along the asphalt's surface. It's so freeing not being caged in a car but there's also a level of anxiety underneath all the layers of comfort.

The sensation is similar to when I'm bundled up in bed with thick cozy blankets, but there's a small prickle of anxiety that nibbles at my tummy every time I have to get out. Why? Because at some point all those layers will have to be peeled back to step out into the cold, away from the caressing comfort of my bed. Questions touch my mind, wondering. How cold is it going to be? Will my skin prickle to the point it hurts? Why can't I stay in my bed's embrace just a little longer?

The anxiety I feel is a lot like that, a nibble of what could happen despite the pleasurable experience riding gives me. What would it feel like if I fell? How badly would I get injured? Can I just stay planted in this seat, forever holding onto the man in front of me?

I close my eyes and try to calm my racing heart. My various range of emotions are bursting inside me and I can't seem to grasp and hold onto one. I'm being flooded. I have been since being taken. Processing everything has been a lot harder than I thought and when I learned I could go home, I knew I had to. I needed Addie, Quinn, Shae, Lex, and Joss, but it's my brother that my heart knows I need the most. To see his familiar face, hear his obnoxious laughter, and hug the big stupid oaf. I'm desperate to tell him everything, to lean on his support and knowledge when it comes to suffering through things like this.

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