You Want Brothers? Take. That. Back.

Breaking Point

The walk to my room feels unbearably long and the moment I shut my door I let myself fully experience what I just endured. Out of anything I feel an intense resentment towards Nathan, for pushing me so god damn hard in efforts to humiliate me. It wasn't a real workout and we both know that. His stupid plan to break me down with the artless cover of a "workout" won't be  left unforgiven. 

My muscles are throbbing from the stress I put them through and my mind feels cloudy. A part of me feels I'm being way too fucking dramatic but then thinking about the past few weeks that's been my life and how poorly I've been treated makes me tear up. Since when have they walked all over me like this? Mom and dad try their best to keep us siblings in check but we've had boundaries that, until now, have never been crossed to these extremes. This shitty feeling I've had for a while now isn't just my own doing, living with my brothers has been miserable. 

I need a fucking bath. My neck feels tense and the soothing warm water of a bubble bath sounds like heaven. We all have our own separate bathrooms so I don't hesitate in locking my bathroom door and starting up the bath. Without a phone I can't turn on any music so I watch the water slowly fill while I pour vanilla bubble soap in and lather it up with my hands, breathing in the comforting scent. 

Tying my hair up in a loose bun, I step into the water and immediately feel my body relax. I can't think without it stressing me out, and I don't even know how I'm going to talk to Nathan after today. Though I hate to admit it I'm fucking terrified of him and these past few days his temper has seemed out of control. Closing my eyes, I feel the warm water take the edge off the past few days off and I drift into an exhausted nap. 

I wake what seems like seconds later to rapid knocks on my bathroom door. Dazed, I quickly come to terms with reality and grip the edge of the bath. 

"ELLA, PLEASE, OPEN THIS GOD DAMN DOOR RIGHT NOW OR I WILL GET THE FUCKING KEY."

Justin. Except his voice isn't angry, just extremely panicked. I pick up on his tone immediately, "I'm coming! It's okay, I'm okay Justin!" I call back to him, my voice sore from the now-cool water surrounding me. 

"Please open it right now." He calls desperately. I feel my breathing pick up, I didn't mean to fall asleep. He sounds shattered. 

"Okay yeah, hold on I'm sorry." I mutter back, standing up and patting myself dry while swiftly throwing on one of Kyle's oversized hoodies and soft shorts. My hair is crinkly from the water and I finger brush its damp state back to its usual middle part. I swing open my door to find Justin and Cole standing at the door. 

"You fucking scared me El, are you okay?" Justin asks, his concern making my anxiety worse. I didn't mean to piss anyone off. He looks like he's about to hug me but my overwhelmed expression has him exchange a quick glance with Cole. 

"Hey, he's not mad at you, can you look at me baby?" Cole asks softly. 

I shake my head at this, before retreating a few steps back in the comfort of my own bathroom. I don't want to talk to them, I know I'll cry or embarrass myself even further. 

"Ella, hey, what's wrong? Don't go back in there please sweet heart." Cole pushes. 

I can't tell what I need. It could be anything from time alone, to a hug, to an apology from Nathan, to my parents coming back, to another fucking bath nap, but anything but this.

"I don't wanna cry." I whisper failing to make eye contact once again. Why the hell is this shit so hard for me? My hands are gripping Kyle's hoodie and I'm leaning against the wall.

At this moment I hear someone walk in, "Nathan wants to see her."

Nathan. Sending someone to bring me to him instead of genuinely checking in. As if I would ever willingly go. The thought of speaking with him sends me into a deeper spiral of emotions and the fear of being alone with his merciless self suddenly makes breathing ten times harder.