You Want Brothers? Take. That. Back.

Guilty

I wake abruptly, confused until I realize I'm alone in Cole's bed. I clutch the comforter closer to my body as the memories from earlier today flood back in. I broke down again. Nathan saw me vulnerable, and scared. Cole took me to his room before anyone else could comfort me, as if it was a competition to care for me. Though I hate it, I know they appreciate it when I expose my emotions and have to ask for help. It reminds all of us of the time when I was comfortable to do so. 

The downstairs is an eerie quiet and I sit up. Where is everyone?  Part of me doesn't want to leave Cole's warm bed but he isn't here and my curiosity to find him and be in his comforting presence pulls me out of the large blankets. My skin tingles under the change of temperature, and I smell the soothing waft of my shampoo on my drying hair. Thank god I took that bath, my muscles are less tight and I feel like I can breathe again. 

Opening his door I stay silent, searching for sound. My stomach grumbles and I take the stairs to get to the kitchen. By the time I've grabbed a cup of water and reheated chicken lime pasta, I've gathered that no one's home. Strange, they never leave without telling me. Without my phone, I can't call Bri to come over and my house arrest has me grounded to the premises. A week ago I would have snuck out and defied their rules one again, but now I want an apology and an explanation from Nathan. He would have to earn my trust back, and until he owns up to his huge mistake I was giving him the silent treatment. Pathetic, I know, but desperate times call for desperate measures and I know most of my brothers will side with me because they witnessed my panicked breakdown. 

My relationship with Nathan has fluctuated over the years, from staying with him during stormy nights to fearfully locking myself away in case he hurts or humiliates me. This doesn't happen quickly, and his obsession with treating me like shit has pushed me to this point over time. It's raining lightly outside, and I watch the clock turn 7pm from my seat at the dinner table. Where are they?  I can't help but feel isolated and forgotten without any form of communication, and I miss Cole and Brandon particularly bad right now. 

Jesus Ella, get yourself together. I have become so dependent on them recently, and I know its healthy but I hate how much I've shown them. How much I've exposed to them. It makes me feel read and easy to manipulate, but I can't ignore their efforts to be better to me. It's what's drawn us closer. 

A click of the front door has be at my feet, gripping my mug when I realize it's just Nathan. Shit, Nathan. His confident voice rings around the house, he's on the phone with someone. I don't have time to escape upstairs as he steps into the kitchen, carrying a large backpack in one arm and his phone that's pressed to his ear in the other. We make eye contact and I swallow, frozen in place. I'm brought back to earlier, no longer seeing him as my protective brother but a 6 foot 3 man that wants to make me cry. 

"Hold on, let me call you back, I have to speak to my sister." I tense at his words, his eye contact keeping me in place. I watch him hang up and put the phone in his pocket. I can't do this right now. What feels like minutes has only summed up to a few seconds and I'm already shaking slightly. 

I watch him watch me, noticing my body language before him eyebrows scrunch together and his eyes go soft. "Ella, can you please sit down?" 

His words don't even register in my head before I'm shaking my head. No way in hell am I talking to him right now. I turn on my heel to leave, my hands shaking at my sides while I focus on getting to the stairs.

 My attention is redirected to the slamming of a door before I step right into Cole. 

"Whoa! Why are we going so fast hm?" his arms circle around me, catching me into an embrace before lifting my chin up to look at him. His eyes immediately fill with concern when he sees my panicked expression and watery eyes. What is wrong with me?