11: fear

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Ryder's POV of Chapter Ten:

As I take Layla into the shed, I immediately feel lìke this is a mistake.

She wasn't ready.

I can feel the fear radiating off of her.

I am so fucking stupid.

I thought she was ready too soon.

Fear enters my own body.

Fear that I ruined what we had.

Fear that she will never accept me.

Fear that she will be afraid of me.

And she quickly validates that fear as I call out to her.

The look she gives me is enough to feel like I am being punched in the gut.

She's looking at me in horror, and disgust.

I disgust her.

Pain shoots through my body.

The urge to drop to my knees and beg her to accept me courses through me.

But quickly vanishes as I hear the mocking voices, louder than ever before.

Laughing.

They're laughing.

At me.

For being weak.

For not being able to make a woman love me.

For the fact that she's disgusted with me.

For the fact that I will never be what she wants.

Reminding me how pathetic and disgusting I am.

I cannot show her this weakness.

So I steel my gaze, seeming unaffected.

Refusing to show how deeply the look on her face cut me.

I tell her to come to me, trying to get closer to her, as she puts her hands up, screaming for me to stay away.

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