BTS Eighth Member | The Life: Year 2014

Chapter 52- Guilt

November 1st, 2014:

"Everywhere. It hurts everywhere," Jimin says, letting a few tears fall.

I look at Jimin sadly. He always worked so hard and never spoke about his struggles. I sit down properly and scoot myself beside him. I sat next to him for a couple of minutes, not knowing what to say, I wasn't very good at consoling people.

"Were you practicing your dance break?" I ask him, trying to see what led to this breakdown.

He nods silently, wiping away the tears left on his face.

"It must stressful having to perform by yourself," I state, "do you want to go to the studio? You'll be more comfortable on the couch..."

"Sure," Jimin says, standing up, "sorry, it's just everything has been so tiring lately".

"No, don't apologise. I get it," I quickly reply.

We make our way to the recording studio. Jimin sits on the couch and I decide to take a pillow and sit on the floor, giving him the full comfort of the couch if he wanted to use it.

"You can go eat with the others," Jimin mutters, "I'll be fine".

"Don't be silly Jimin-oppa," I almost chuckle, "I'm not leaving you when you're this distressed. Now it's my turn to yell at you to tell me what's wrong," I smile.

He laughs ever so slightly.

"I am a mess aren't I..." Jimin says, "there's not really one thing I can pinpoint... I'm just so tired. This comeback has been so challenging, and we've just had so much to do and we're always working, but I don't know. It just doesn't feel like it's paying off".

I nod sadly, letting Jimin let it all out.

"You understand right?" Jimin asks looking over at me, "we've been working our @sses off and we haven't had any wins, the company continues to go into debt, especially after the whole GLAM scandal, and with award season coming up... I can't help but feel like I'm lacking with all these performances. It's hard to keep up. My body is just constantly numb and achy".

"I understand. I really do," I reply, "... but maybe you should go to the doctor's about your aches... I don't think that's normal–".

"No. I don't want to be a burden, and I have to perform. We have concerts and awards to do," Jimin is quick to cut me off.

"But what if they can help you to perform better? I'm sure the company would support you no matter what–" I try to persist.

"Y/N please," Jimin looks at me pleadingly, "look, I promise to talk to Sejin-hyung about it next year, but please don't tell anyone. Not anyone. It will only worry the other members".

"I... you would be upset if I did this," I point out, looking at him disapprovingly.