Taken by fate

Chapter 5

As I opened my eyes I realized there was something close and it wasn't the wall. This was blue and textured. Jeans. Your jeans.
My left hand automatically reaching to pull down the bottom of the nightgown while using my right to push myself up.
"How long have you been here!?"
"I didn't want to wake you, you looked so peaceful."
"That's because when I'm asleep I can pretend I'm not here."
There was spite in my voice, the fact that you had come down here without me even knowing, not even stirring at the noise. Thinking about all the things you could do to me when I was like that. Unconscious.
"You're still refusing to use the bed."
That was a statement not a question, one that I still refused to acknowledge. Rolling my eyes as I crossed my ankles bringing my knees into my chest letting my hair fall forward covering my face. Cocooning myself blocking your view.
"Don't be like that." Your voice, playful as if this was actually a game. "How did you like the sandwich? Practically licked the plate clean."
Using my body as a shield, wishing that I actually had one to protect myself from what you will do.
Light pressure on my forearm, tough skin, touching. Immediately recoiling away.
A deep sigh. "I'm not going to hurt you."
I don't believe you, why would I?
"When I was little." Pausing, not sure whether you were going to continue.
"My mother would tell me stories. She would talk about peasant people and princes about monsters and dragons. I loved listening to them because as she spoke it was like she was coming alive again. What I didn't know until later was that she was actually teaching me about life."
I had no idea why you were telling me any of this. I didn't care about you or your past but one thing had caught my attention, 'like she was coming alive again'. What exactly did you mean by that?
"She taught me a lot but the main thing that I learned from her was that life is...."
"What." Stopping myself unsure of why I was even speaking at all.
Dead silence, your words stopped mid sentence. Did I upset you, were you going to hit me for interrupting?
"Ask away, it's alright." No hint of rage in your tone, inching my head up slightly to be able to gauge your reaction, sensing your eyes on me, waiting.
Why did I even care? Knowing the answer as soon as I asked myself, it was because I was human and I had feelings. You had kept on referring to your mom in the past tense and I was beginning to think that you. No! Shouting at my thoughts to go away trapped in the worst case scenarios possible.
"What happened to your..." shutting my mouth, deciding that I didn't want to take the chance.
"My mom." You finished for me. Gulping as I nodded my head.
"She was sick." All the wonder in your voice before was gone, now replaced with sadness. "So skinny, she could hardly get out of bed some days. I would bring her food sometime, sit next to her and keep her company. She passed away when I was eight leaving me with my father.
"I'm sorry." No wonder you were so screwed up. Having to lose a parent that young would mess up anyone, let alone the person who gave birth to you. Let alone watching it happen, watching a person you love slowly dissipate until there is nothing left.
No way could I imagine something like that happening to my parents. They were both healthy, but accidents did happen. Look what happened to me.
What would I do if I lost one of them?
Cry for weeks on end, wishing that it had never happened even though there would be nothing I could do to change it.
What were my parents thinking right now? Were they at home waiting for the phone to ring, knocking on all the neighbors doors? They had to have involved the police by now.
"Don't be, it wasn't your fault." Face softening as you said that, allowing me to feel brave enough to lift my head a bit higher.
"Losing someone hurts." Trying to sympathize with you. "At least you still had your dad."
Mouth clenched, your whole persona changed, fear tearing through my entire body knowing that I had said the wrong thing.
"My dad was a sick son of a bitch who didn't want me talking to my own mother. Controlling bastard, always wanted things his way. Didn't take him long to replace her. He only cared about himself."
Voice rising with every word, even though you were looking at me your eyes were a million miles away which is why you didn't notice me inching away, getting further from you.
Both of your hands curled into fists, arms tensed, veins popping out down your forearms.
Not sure what I should do, if you were about to lose control there was no where I could go. Scanning the room, grabbing onto the chain, its weight, the only weapon I had.
"Hey, I didn't mean to scare you." Words once again soft, careful. It scared me how fast you could switch between your emotions.
You went to stand up and so did I, wanting to stay on the same level, not trusting that your anger was completely gone.
"It's fine, I promised I wouldn't hurt you. Remember?" Talking to me like one of those cops on tv trying to talk down a bomber. Grinding my teeth together, watching your every move.
You took one step and that was all it took for shear terror to overwhelm my entire being, sprinting for the railing wanting to race up the steps to get away from you, only to be choked back by the collar.
Maximum distance. Stupid. How could I forget that?
Turning back around seeing that you were coming closer, struggling against the metal leash, ignoring everything you were saying in that soothing voice.
"STOP!" My own voice reverberated through the room and for some reason you listened. About four feet away from me, standing there looking at me like I was some attraction at a zoo. Squirming under your gaze as the tears I couldn't hold back strolled down my face.
Looking up at the door that was so close, wanting nothing more than to walk through the barrier. What was on the other side?
While I had been distracted you took advantage using the moment to get closer. Standing directly in front of me. Jumping back, collar biting into my skin, pinching the nerves, trapping myself further.
So close, so tall. Towering over my five foot six body, you had to be at least six feet tall. Your fingers ran across my cheek even when I jerked my head away, continuously shaking my head side to side to be rid of your touch, shutting my eyes tight, crossing my arms over my chest to put another layer between us.
Choked sobs filling the air, fingers digging into my biceps as my grip tightened.
Something smooth wiping across my cheek, opening my eyes to find that you were using your shirt to dry off my tears.
"It's ok." Holding your palms up away from me, the shirt still in your right hand.
Deciding not to fight you, not really having much of a choice in the matter, letting you because I didn't want to make the situation worse.
Gently swiping the hem of your shirt along my soaked skin and snotty nose. My sight bouncing around everywhere avoiding your face that was mere inches from mine. Ignoring the fact that I probably looked like a complete mess but also not caring either. That was when I noticed your bare stomach.
Skin that looked so tan as if you lived in the sun, stretched tight across each defined ab. There wasn't an ounce of fat on you, abdomen flexing as you leaned down to me. Oddly enough I wanted to reach out and touch them to make sure they were real.
What was I thinking? This was the same man that took me, that locked me up in this basement and chained me like a dog. If you were going to kill me then you should just get it over with.
This was a game, reminding myself that you didn't actually care. All I was to you was a pet on a leash, forced to obey and punished when I didn't.
Still I couldn't help but think that abs like those took work.
What did you do to get them?
Where do you go when you're not down here?
You let your shirt go, allowing the fabric to fall back into place kicking me out of my trance.
Did you catch me looking?
Did you like that I did?
Lifting your hand back up to my face caressing my cheek with your thumb, flinching as you placed your index finger under my chin raising my head willing me to look at you.
Blinking away the leftover tears clearing my vision as your hand stayed steady even when I tried to turn away.
Not knowing why, feeling my eyes drawing up to your face. The only sounds coming from my hallowed breaths.
Maybe it was your hand that carefully guided my face or maybe I was just curious to know what the face of a monster looked like. Either way I looked at you. Really looked at you because that's what you wanted.
Under the light it was easier to define the specific features.
Eyes as dark as your hair, more oval shaped then round. Full eyebrows, not too bushy with a small arch. Your nose was slightly pointed at the end, nostrils flaring, lips long and thin. Your face, like your stomach, was completely chiseled. Strong jawline with high cheekbones.
If I had to guess, I would say that you looked to be in your mid twenties. Way too old for me, I was only seventeen.
Eyes still on you, your lips parting into a crooked grin, revealing straight teeth. A smile that lit up your entire face, even your eyes sparkled. I didn't even want to begin to guess what you were thinking about, what little fantasy you had going on in your head. Any hint of anger was gone.
A mask hiding the monster inside.
How many girls did you get with that smile?
Your eyes on mine even when I looked away.
Jerking my head back from your touch, not wanting your hands anywhere on me.
"Please just get away from me." Speaking so low I could hardly even hear my own words. You obviously heard me and backed away leaving a few feet of space between us.
This was all too much to take in at once. Too many emotions to work though, yours, mine, exhausted at trying to gauge how you would react. Feeling utterly naked looking down, finding that the lace hem had risen up and was now resting at the top of my hips giving you a full view of my private area. Hands flying down in an attempt to cover myself turning away to hide my burning cheeks. Of course you had already seen it, seen all of me. A chill scooting down my spine from the thought of you undressing me while I was unconscious.
"Will you answer a question for me?"
I didn't move, didn't give any type of acknowledgement, not sure whether I wanted to answer any of your questions.
"Why wont you go near the bed?"
Faceless bodies of girls sweeping past my closed eyelids. Seeing them struggle against the posts of wood wanting to break free from the ropes as you climbed on top of them, inside of them. Shivers running down every part of my spine.
You were going to do the same to me eventually, not now though, please not right now. I wasn't ready.
Thinking over my words not wanting to upset you again, sliding my foot around turning my body to face yours. Needing to know, to see your reaction if you had any. Eyes once again locking on yours as you patiently waited for my response.
Swallowing the bile rising in the back of my throat. "How many other girls have you had here?"
From the way the whites of your eyes grew, smile vanishing, I could tell that I surprised you. A small victory having made you feel something after everything you had done to me. Though in reality I was cursing myself knowing that you were unstable, worry building the longer you just stood there. Your muscles were tensed, I could tell from the way the fabric stretched around your shoulders yet your hands stayed relaxed.
Were you thinking about them?
About what you did?
How they struggled and pleaded for you to let them go?
"Two."
Your face stayed the same, emotionless.
Two others. Two lives that you had taken, destroyed. How many others did that affect? Their parents, friends, co-workers, class-mates whose lives were forever changed when they received the news.
Where were they now? Those bodies of the girls.
Did you bury them watching as their faces disappeared as you shoveled dirt onto their lifeless bodies? Did you tie something heavy to them tossing them into a lake somewhere like they were fish food? Or did you wrap them up in black trash bags and put them in a dark alley dumpster to rot away like trash?
Were they ever found?
Had you done something for the police to be able to link the bodies together? Marks on their wrists from being bound, bruises on their necks. If so, did the police already know that you exist, labeling you as a serial killer. If that was the case why hadn't they found me. Why weren't you already behind bars where you belonged, trapped there like I was here.
Words echoing through the room, bouncing off the walls, but I didn't care what you were saying, didn't care to listen to you at all.
Two girls.
I was next.
Girl number three.
My head dolled back, heaviness taking over my body just like when you had taken me. Was there something in the vents, then why wasn't it affecting you too?
Limbs numb, face growing hotter as the blood rushed up, no oxygen, unable to breathe. Knees buckling, fingers tingling like pins and needles, refusing to relieve the pressure on my throat. Bright lights poked around the edges of my vision, seeing them even when I closed my eyes.
Hanging there as if I was already dead. All of my thoughts stopped: no longer able to feel anything, not my hands or the burning sensation traveling down to my chest. Nothing except the feeling of slipping away, slowly as the tiredness took over. No longer able to see you or the room, only white dots like thinking stars.
Falling, no, floating as they carried me taking me with them.
"Sky spoon."
Big, spacious, stars as far as I could see. Hovering along with them in the sky. No worries, no anger or struggles, just complete and utter peace.
Not the sky.
Water.
Rushing over my face, into my nose and mouth, blocking my air. I was drowning, weeds wrapping around my throat pulling me down keeping me from reaching the surface. Kicking, fighting to pull free, swimming up, arms fully extended fingers spread winding through the water as I got closer. Weeds snapping one by one until I could see the light above me. Pushing past the surface, coughing as the air entered my burning lungs.
Cold, hard, gray.
Chain swinging over my face realizing that I was laying on my back on the cold cement floor, my head cradled in your lap.
"Breathe. Just breathe." Kept repeating in my head but the words weren't my own, they were yours. Soft and demanding while everything else was speeding up.
Your hands running through my hair causing strands to tickle my scalp.
"Relax, it's ok now."
Trying to pull away sending a major wave of dizziness through my system as you gently nudged me back down messaging my head as I shut my eyes avoiding the motion.
Feeling started to return to my limbs, prickling and stabbing at first, muscles twinging as they came back to life. I had blacked out, which meant that once again I had hung myself.
You could have let me die, that could have been it. Everything would have been over and I would never get the chance to go home and see my parents again.
"Thank you." Words escaping my mouth before I could fully think through them, voice raspy. Had I really just thanked my kidnapper?
You shook your head no. "That was my fault."
Taking responsibility, serial killers don't do that. Nothing is ever their fault. Now you are coddling me, calming me as regret fills your face.
What was this?
We stayed like that for a while, you looking down at me while I looked up at you. Both of us were unsure of what to do, unwilling to move from that spot. Thinking that you could have just watched me die and moved on, instead you saved me. Why?
What were you playing at?
Did you let me struggle, enjoying how I squirmed before you actually did anything? Was this some sort of plan to get me to trust you?
Why was I here exactly?
"What's a sky spoon?"
Startled, I leapt up from your lap, staying level with you on the ground.
"What!?" Scorching pain, hand coming up to grab my throat holding the collar up to relieve the pressure.
"You said that while you were passing out. Clear as day like you were looking at it, even smiled as you said it. Don't you remember?"
No I didn't. Thinking back trying to find the last memory I had, limbs going numb then waking up in your lap.
Sky spoon. That was something I hadn't heard anyone else say since I was little. One of my favorite memories, something you had no right to know about.
Shrugging my shoulders feigning ignorance. "No, I don't remember."
Studying me, quenching your jaw, not quite sure whether I was telling the truth or not. Opening your mouth just to close it again.
"Would you like some water?"
Nodding my head to avoid talking, the action shooting tendrils of pain all around my neck causing me to wince. Relieved that you hadn't pushed the matter further.
Not going too far apparently having already brought the water down earlier coming from the bed handing the bottle down to me as I avoided your touch, silently grateful.
Noticing that I was now almost to the center of the room, chain gathered on the ground beside me. Removing the lid, taking small sips. Water like razor blades slicing down my esophagus.
Sitting in uncomfortable silence.
Coming to the realization that you must have saved me because you weren't ready for me to die.
What did that mean for me?
What did you have planned?
Creeped out by the way you kept longing over my way, what were you thinking?
Were you waiting for me to do something, say something? Neither of which I planned on doing.
"Get some rest." Jumping at your words. "Finish the water. I'll bring you some food after you've slept."
Then you left, leaving me down here in the dim light by myself with a brand new perspective on you.
You were still a monster but maybe not as big of one as I first believed you were when I first woke up in this room.
Processing everything that just happened, trying to figure you out. Why exactly had you listened when I said to stop? If you had planned on killing me then why did you stay to coddle me instead of just releasing the chain and letting me come back-to on my own?
Why? Why? Why?
How long was I going to have to endure your confusing actions before someone came to my rescue?
So many questions, no answers to go along with them.
Tipping the bottle back, finishing the last bit. Yawning and wincing as the air scratched my windpipe. Tired, more so exhausted turning my body towards the bed.
No sense in sleeping on the floor, only torturing myself more. Carefully standing up making sure I had my balance before walking towards one of the posts. Chain dragging on the floor behind me as I held the collar away to keep the metal from rubbing against my bruising neck.
Pressing my thumb into one of the grooves, feeling along the multiple indents in the wood.
If you wanted me on this bed you would put me here no matter what. Besides, I thought to myself as I crawled onto the mattress watching as it pressed down beneath my weight. This was a lot more comfortable than the hard unforgiving floor. Hugging the pillow to my face, closing my eyes, wiling for sleep to take me away.