Taken by fate

Chapter 11

As you cried on my shoulder I thought about running, knowing that you were too disoriented to follow. Did you have keys on you, were they in your pocket?
Thinking through the process. How you would react, even if the door was magically left unlocked and I closed the door behind me, with your strength you could rip the door off its hinges. Then you would be angry about my attempt to leave, carrying me kicking and screaming all the way back down here. Holding me down as you placed the collar back around my neck, this time indefinitely.
NO!
I wasn't going to let that happen, either way I would be stuck. If I could play this right then I could get out; I just had to get you to trust me. Which meant that I couldn't try to escape anytime soon unless I knew for sure that I could get out.
Convince you to let me go upstairs, possibly to have dinner together. Any situation that would allow me to see the layout of the house, to know where the front door was.
Running my shaking fingers through your hair feeling again just how soft it was, then remembering the kiss and immediately pulling away.
Your sobs were almost silent now, worn out. When you looked up at me there were only stains from where the tears had run down your face.
"Thank you." Your voice was raspy.
"For what?"
"Staying with me."
"I don't really have a choice." Turning away not wanting to acknowledge the hurt on your face.
Feeling as you held on to my right hand with both of yours.
"You did have a choice. You could have stayed on the other side of the room away from me, instead you chose to come to me. You helped me."
Surprise consuming me. When you had been crying all I was thinking about was a way to leave. Too focused on my plan to even think of my actions at the moment. Thinking it through realizing that I had consoled you the same way you had done to me, it was only fair.
Knees sore from leaning on the concrete too long, pressing myself into a standing position your hands not leaving mine.
"Tell me about something you've done. Anything. Your favorite memory."
Sounding like a child in a candy store, intrigued, taking a peak at each and every treat. Instead this was my life and you wanted another piece for yourself.
Favorite memory, I had a lot to choose from entertaining the idea. If I wanted you to trust me more than I would need to divulge things about myself as well. That didn't mean that I couldn't pick and choose what you would hear.
So many memories come to mind.
Going out to eat after a movie so that I could discuss every detail over with Amara. My best friend never minded that I overanalyzed the plot. In fact, she would jump right in making sure to add her own thoughts on the details they could have made to make the lead guy hotter.
My dad taking me out to eat in his spare time. Always a surprise, somewhere small and family owned. Time for us to spend together. My favorite part was always after the food when we would stop by the park and walk around feeding the ducks with the rolls that we had stashed from the meal. Our own little secret.
Walking across the stage for middle school graduation as my parents hooped and hollered so loudly turning my face a deep tomato red from embarrassment. Though I secretly loved them for it even though I would never tell them that. Feeling proud because there were other kids who didn't have anyone to cheer for them at all.
That summer when we took that trip for the weekend, collecting seashells on the shore with my mom splashing each other with salty water.
Sitting in my window looking out at the stars when I couldn't sleep, listening to the crickets chirp.
"The summer before last. When school let out, my best friend and I went out to celebrate the fact that we survived freshman year. First year of high school when everything changes, new teachers, higher classes, not having to wear those god awful uniforms anymore.
I don't know if I could have done it without her."
Taking a moment for myself as I remembered freshman year.
"We had gone to this new place that had just opened. Seafood. She got the shrimp gumbo and I opted for the crab pizza.
So good!
All was good. We were talking, reminiscing, laughing, until the waiter came over and she upchucked her entire meal all over his pants and shoes.
Apparently the shrimp they used in the gumbo wasn't as fresh as they said.
The waiter was horrified and once the smell hit me I wanted to puke too but I drank my water instead. Then she looked right at him and I thought she was going to apologize but no. This girl spurts out 'do I still have to pay for that since you're now wearing it?'
I had a mouthful of my water at the time and it all sprayed out in a fit of laughter. Unfortunately I was looking at the waiter at the time so my mouthful went all over him too. Then she said 'hey she was just trying to help you clean off.' Causing me to laugh even harder. I couldn't help it.
Needless to say we didn't have to pay our bill but we weren't exactly welcomed back either."
Remembering the walk home afterwards as more jokes were made. Watching her face change as she tried to mimic the waiter's face when I did that spit take on him. 'Now he has a reason to make sure the food he's serving is up to code before he serves it.'
"So everything she had just eaten came up all over him." Full out laughing as you asked. Your laugh was light and cheery and it changed your entire stance, you looked good when you laughed.
"Yup, chunky and ripe."
Man, I don't even know how I would react if I had been that waiter and she didn't apologize?"
"Nope, said it wasn't her fault, threatened to sue the place for positioning her. Which is the only reason we got off without paying."
"She sounds feisty."
"Trust me, she is. That's one of the things that I love about her." Loved, more like it. Admitting to myself that it was good talking to someone even if it was you. Besides, the more we talked the more normal you became.
"You miss her."
Those words took me back causing my throat to tighten. Nodding my head in answer as silence took over.
"We had been friends since we were little." My voice, soft, filled with sadness.  
"Until me."
Until you, realizing that you were still holding onto my hand.
"I'm sorry." Your voice was barely audible but you had said the words. Were you starting to understand just how much you had stolen from me? How much I had before my life turned into nothing but this room and occasional visits from you?
"You could let me go." Talking fast. "Let me walk up those stairs. No one has to know about you." Hopeful that you would finally do as I asked. Do the only thing I've wanted since I woke up in this concrete box.
If you cared for me like you said you did then you should let me go, that's how the saying went right? If you love something, set it free, if it returns then it's meant to be if not then goodbye for ever or something like that.
Towering over me as you stood from the bed, letting go of my hand, heart plummeting when I saw you reach for the collar.
NO! Screaming at myself internally.
Knowing that I had messed up, I shouldn't have asked to leave.
That screwed everything up.
Taking a deep breath as you moved my hair away from my neck, closing the collar and pushing the pin into place.
Standing there in shock, unmoving.
A single tear falling from the corner of my eye, down my cheek.
Begging you with my eyes to not do this, to not leave me down here again.
Coming closer you swept the droplet away and kissed the center of my forehead.
Breath tickling my skin as you whispered to me.
Watching as you walked away, up the steps that I had the opportunity to go to. Wishing that I had just tried.
Light shining through the open door, not even turning around before closing the door behind you.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Why did I ask you to let me go? Why couldn't I just have stayed quiet then maybe you wouldn't have left so quickly. You didn't want to let me go, you've said that yourself, multiple times. I just thought that maybe you were beginning to grow a conscience.
Grabbing the collar as its weight settled back onto my shoulders telling myself that it will come off again. It has to.
A detail pooping into my head. You hadn't stopped at the door, which meant that it hadn't been locked.
I could have left.
My chance was gone. Wasted on consoling you.
Why didn't I just leave?
Your words, bouncing through my ears.
'Just give it time.'
Time.
Of course, because you never wanted me to leave. You wanted to keep me as your pet.
If you were so lonely why didn't you just go out and date like every other human being.
You weren't normal, how could I keep forgetting that. Normal people didn't kidnap people they wanted to spend time with. Normal people also didn't have a back full of scars from years of traumatic abuse.
STOP! Stop making excuses for you.
You could let me go at any time and you choose not to.
You could have just not taken me in the first place. Then I wouldn't be here at all having to deal with all of this. Deal with losing my parents or thinking about what they must be thinking right now.
Just because you weren't a crazy murderer does not mean that this was ok. In fact it just made this even more twisted and insane.
If the police weren't going to do their jobs and find me then I was just going to have to free myself.
The next chance I'm getting I'm not letting go to waste.